jenni's blog: "blonde jokes"

Where are you going? A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving

Making it off the island There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

Did you know about the blonde? Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice? Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient? Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates? Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls? Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker? Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

What time is it now? BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?" WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM." BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

Blonde kidnaps for cash A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

Selling your car illegally A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar. The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal." "That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car." "Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car." The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice. About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?" "No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."

I'll grant you one wish Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp. After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said, "I wish I were smarter." So, she became a redhead. The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is." She became a brunette. The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!" So, she became a man.