Ravenhair Fan Rate Me Before Adding Me ...'s blog: "Debbie's Ramblings"

Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist, and their wives, were all on a cruise together. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship, and they all drowned. The next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter. As fate would have it, the first in line was the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly and said, "I can't let you in.You were moral and upright, but you loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny." St. Peter waved sadly, and poof, down the chute to the "Other Place" they went. Then came the Baptist and his wife. "Sorry, can't let you in either," said St. Peter. "You abstained from liquor and dancing and cards, but you loved food and sweets too much. You loved sweets so much, you even married a woman named Candy." Sadly, St. Peter waved again, and poof, down the chute went the two Baptists. The Methodist minister turned to his wife and whispered "It ain't looking good, Fanny."

I walked into a Blimbie's with a buy-one-get- one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free". "They're already buy-one-get- one-free" , she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door. They walk among us and many work retail. A friend of mine bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. My friend decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it. They walk among us. One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said,"Where?" They Walk among us! While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." They Walk Among Us!! I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific." They Walk Among Us! My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn'tthink she'd get sunburned because the car was moving." They Walk Among Us! My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. They Walk Among Us! My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20%discount. They Walk Among Us! I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. They Walk Among Us! I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" They Walk Among Us! While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces." Yep, They Walk Among Us! They walk among us, AND they reproduce!

A Big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on theother side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own. The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Tennessee . We settle small disagreements like this; with the "Three Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get on his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "O'kay, you old fart. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck. . . ________________________________________________________

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets,and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar:A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains."First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice."So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.He puts the salt on his tongue........salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys........smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks........this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.... In one second the sharp lime taste hits... ... At two seconds the Baileys curdles... At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency hits......At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus, what do you call that drink?" She smiles widely at him and says, "Blow Job Revenge."

Fill it out and post it back as a comment ;) Have fun lol 1. Your Name: 2. Age: 3. Favorite position (s) ? 4. Do you think i'm hot? 5. Would you have sex with me? 6. lights on or off? 7. Would you have to be drunk? 8. Would you take a shower with me? 9. Have you ever thought about having sex with me? 10. Would you leave after or stay the night? 11. Do you like cuddling afterwards? 12. Condom or skin? 13. Do you give Oral pleasures? 14. Do you like to recieve Oral Pleasures? 15. Have sex on the first date? 16. Would you kiss me during sex? 17. Do you think I would be good in bed? 18. Three sum? 19. Anal yes/no? 20. How many times would you like to cum? 21. Would you use me as a booty call? 22. Do you like fore play? 23. What is fore play to you? 24. Can we take pictures of the act? 25. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

A Big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on theother side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own. The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Tennessee . We settle small disagreements like this; with the "Three Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get on his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "O'kay, you old fart. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck. . .

We Chicago Bears fans amuse ourselves by scaring every Green Bay fan we see strutting down the street with that obnoxious green & gold "G" on his shirt. We would swerve our cars as if to hit them, and then swerve back just missing them. One day, while driving along, I saw a priest. I thought I would do a good deed, so I pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going Father?" "I'm going to give mass at St. Francis Church, about 2 miles down the road," replied the priest. "Climb in, Father! I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the rear passenger seat, and we continued down the road. Suddenly, I saw a Green Bay fan walking down the road, with that "G" shirt on and I instinctively swerved as if to hit him but, as usual, I swerved back into the road just in time. Even though I was certain that I had missed the guy, I still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, I glanced in my mirrors but still didn't see anything. I then remembered the priest, and turned to the priest and said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Green Bay fan." "That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door." GO BEARS!

Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack. 1963 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack. 2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers. ++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. 1963 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled. 2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Little Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students. 1963 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class. 2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping. 1963 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy 's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mother has affair with psychologist. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school. 1963 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock. 2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant. 1963 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers. 2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Pedro fails high school English. 1963: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college. 2006: Pedro's cause is taken up by ultra-liberals. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English. +++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up an ant hill. 1963 - Ants die. 2006 - ATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated. Johnny's Dad placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. +++++++++++++++++++++ Scenario : Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary, who hugs Johnny to comfort him. 1963 -In a very short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator, is charged and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy 's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.""What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from." Relieved, the man asked about the types.The saleslady replied: "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.Which one would you prefer?" Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple... The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills. Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the lettersused to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed! (A} Almost Boobs... {B} Barely there. {C} Can't Complain! {D} Dang! {DD} Double dang! {E} Enormous! {F} Fake. {G} Get a Reduction. {H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up ! Send this to all that will appreciate it! They forgot the German bra. Holtzemfromfloppen!

I HAD TO SHARE THIS ONE. LORD HAVE MERCY ITS SOO FUNNY...MEN READ AND TAKE TO HEART.. My long-passed grandmother's birthday is coming up, and for me it is a time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives, the special trips she would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with her, and the advice she used to give! Much was wasted because I was so young. If she were alive today and sharing her pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man. Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, came when I was only 12. We were sitting in a park, watching children and their mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day. She told me that one day, I'd find a woman and start my own family. "And son," she said, "be sure you marry a woman with small hands." "How come, Grandma?" I asked her. And she answered, "Makes your pecker look bigger." Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?