Captain Cooter's blog: "Random Ramblings"

If you were to introduce me to someone, what would you say? This should be fun. Pass this along and see what YOU get back.

Your result for The Personality Defect Test...

Hand-Raiser

You are 86% Rational, 57% Extroverted, 43% Brutal, and 29% Arrogant.

Take The Personality Defect Test at HelloQuizzy

Ok...Mannish gave me a great idea. I'm having a contest: put your boobs on a Wheaties box and give them to me. I'll give a prize to the winner. And no, they don't have to be perfect (or even good) to win. The basis on my decision will be completely arbitrary and have nothing to do with anything. However, there will be a winner...and all boobs shall be random, I won't put your name with them. So..send me your boobs?

So...a random chick pops up into my SB...and at first I'm offended, thinking I'm gonna have to verbally bitchslap someone. It actually...well, just read. ¢¾¡ÚISIS¡Ú...: b nicer... ->¢¾¡ÚISIS¡Ú...: scuse me? ¢¾¡ÚISIS¡Ú...: u know honestly? u are about the most perfect man on fu... u just need to b a lil bit nicer.... Made me smile big-time. Turns out she's an old old mummer friend I haven't talked to in months. But, to have somoene just pop up and say that..brought me a smile. Just goes to show that not EVERY random shoutbox convo sucks.

A - Available: No - Age: 27 - Annoyance: stupid people - Animal: I like cats B - Beer: Newcastle - Birthday: Feb 3rd - Best Friend(s): None. I have friends, all equal - Body Part on opposite sex: Smile - Best feeling in the world: holding the one I Love, knowing she is safe and happy (or at least THINKING) - Blind or Deaf: Tough call...deaf, because I need to see the smile - Best weather: Spring - Been on stage?: Multiple times - Believe in Magic: Not really - Believe in Santa: Do I look 4? - Been in Love: Once...and it destroyed me - Been bitched out?: By the best - Believe in yourself?: sometimes - Believe in life on other planets: no - Believe in miracles: Yes, I create them often - Believe in Satan: Yes - Believe in Ghosts/spirits: No C - Candy: Uhm...don't eat much if any - Color(s): Green - Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla - Chinese/Mexican: Chinexican? Love em both - Cake or pie: Cake - Continent to visit: Ireland - Cheese: Havarti - Car: Fave is Camaro - Cried in school: Nope - Clothing Style: Grunge? D - Day or Night: night - Dance in the rain: yes - Dream vehicle: Camaro, supercharged - Danced: I can’t dance. I’m a white-boi - Do the splits?: I respect my balls too much to attempt E - Eyes: Shit brown...even though some claim they are hazel - Every one's got: An asshole - Ever failed a class?: Not yet..but will soon (y) - Eggs: unfertilized? - Everyone has a Heart: not everyone F - First thoughts waking up: Was it a nightmare? - Food: Fettuccine Alfredo - First crush: Can't recall - Full name: Van Thomas Garrett III G - Greatest Fear: losing my Love - Goals: None - Gum: anything minty - Get along with your parents?: somewhat - Good luck charm: none - Giver or taker: Giver H - Hair Color: brown - Height: 6' something..depends on the convenience store - Happy: never again - Holiday: Thanksgiving - How do you want to die: soon - Health freak?: not a bit - Hate?: a wasted emotion I - Ice Cream: mint chocolate chip - Instrument: Alto Sax (yes, I'm good) J - Jewelry: Love to give it ;) - Job: Which one? Gap, Polo, and Chevron K - Kids: I no longer want kids - Kickboxing or karate? karate - Keep a journal?: nah L - Love: is dead - Laughed so hard you cried: no, but made others - Longest Car Ride: to New York - Letter: V - Love at first sight: nope M - Milk flavor: Milk - Movies: Monty Python and the Holy Grail - Motion sickness?: Heck no - McDonalds or Burger King: BK - Mooned anyone?: HAHAHHA...funny you should ask - Marriage: don't think I want it N - Number of Siblings: 1 - Number of Piercings: none - Number: 3 O - One Wish: *secret* - Overused Phrases: don't have any - One phobia: pain P - Perfect Pizza: sausage and extra cheeze - Pepsi/Coke: pepsi - Place you'd like to live: I dunno...don't care either Q - Questionnaire?: filled out many - Quail: Never tried it, heard it's good R - Reasons to cry: loss - Radio Station: What's a radio? - Roll your tongue in a circle?: Ask my ex - Ring size: dunno - Reality T.V.: is gay S - Song: None - Shoe size: 11 - Salad Dressing: ranch - Sushi: love it - Slept outside: often - Skinny dipped?: yup - Shower?: hot hot hot water - Sing well?: I honestly don't know. I think so - In the shower?: Soapy? - Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries - Skipped school: often - Seen a dead body?: A few - Smoked?: yes - Stuffed Animals?: Shot em, never stuffed em - Single/Group dates: no dates - Scientists need to invent: a memory-erasing device T - Tattoos?: None..and don't plan any - Time for bed: sleep is overrated - Thunderstorms: comfort me - TV: Family Guy, NCIS, Futurama, Robot Chicken, South Park, Dexter, Heroes - Touch your tongue to your nose: almost U - Unpredictable: I like to think I am V - Vacation spot: No favorite - Vegetable you hate: Cauliflower - Vegetable you love: lettuce, ONIONS!!! W - Weakness: Love - Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Brandon - Worst feeling: loss - Wanted to be a model?: Not cute enough - Where do we go when we die?: Heaven or hell - Who makes you laugh: Nobody X - X-Rays: a few - Ex's: still make me cry Y -Year it is now: 2009 -Yellow: is ugly Z - Zoo animal: Lions - Zodiac sign: Aquarius LAST PERSON Who¦ 1. Slept in a bed beside you?: Sam 2. You went to the mall with?: Steffani 3. You went to dinner with?: Tiffany 4. You talked to on the phone?: Becky 5. Made you laugh?: can't recall 6. Hugged you? Brittney 7. Said they loved you?: Tiff 8. Held your hand?: Brittney 9. Spoke with?: Andrea 10. Sent you a text message?: Sam

Stolen from Suga Lips Under each question, answer it, then go to urbandictionary. com and put the VERY FIRST definition that comes up. 1) Whats your name? ME: Van UD: Van -a large vehicle used to smoke pot in, drink alcohol in, or to do "the nasty" -also known as: "the shaggin' wagon" -the name "van" originated by an everything-loving hippie named van wilkie. her legacy lives on even to this day, and her afro holds more memories that you could ever know. 2) Whats your age? ME: 27 UD: 27 the age all rockstars die at: jimi hendrix jim morrison janis joplin kurt cobain alexander the great james dean river phoenix brad nowell (lead singer to sublime) died at the age of 28 years and 2 days (2 days from joining the club) you and i have been through that and this is NOT our fate 3) Name one of your friends? ME: Trixy UD: Trixy trixy - 1 definition - a jerk who tries to double-cross you by tricking you and taking your money. 5) Whats you favorite color? ME: Green UD: Green yes... it is most definitely referring to the marijuana... and also, upon occassion, any substance with similar uses. too, properly, of course, it is a golfing term, but that;s really not very much fun, now is it? 6) What is the name of the city you were born in? ME: Banning UD: Banning Banning isn't defined yet. 7)What is the month that you were born? ME: February UD: February February is the best month of the year. Its still nice and cold and snowy, but you know that spring is just around the corner if you're tired of all the bad weather. February is also the most unique month. 28 days long,(unless its every four years on a 'leap' year) Valentines day is also in February. (the fourteenth)It's a fun holiday named after St. Valentine, and it's for cute happy couples. Many single or unhappy peope celebrate the anti Valentines day, ie. Singles awareness day. People born in February are without a doubt the Cutest, Smartest, and Funniest set of people. If you are born after the 20th, you are also a PICES. This is the best Zodiac sign. 8) Who is the last person that you talked to? ME: My dad UD: dad The parent that takes the most shit. Sure, if you had a shitty father, then go ahead and bitch, but not all of us did. Some of us had great fathers, who really loved us, and weren't assholes. Honestly, if you could see how much damage a mother could do to one's self esteem, you wouldn't even place so much blame on "dear old dad" Dad: "Oh, nice. I spend all my life to raise a family, and buy them a house, and then my wife divorces me, and takes the house that I paid for, and my kids, so she can go off with some other man, and treat my own children like shit. But at least I got a tie for Fathers day, that makes up for everything" 9) What is one of your nicknames? ME: Captain Cooter UD: Captain Cooter One of the dumbest or smartest individuals we have ever encountered, we can't figure out which. A persona online that defies logic and sensibility. A truly deranged individual with delusions of adequacy. 10) What is your zodiac sign? ME: Aquarius UD: Aquarius A good person who dosn't judge. A person that can make you feel special in the world. A person who knows how to have fun. A person who isn't arrogent. Ah, theres that lovely aquarian.

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I like some of these answers

Hole. Bloody hole. We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody hole, but there's a bloody hole winking me in the face. I want to c-u-u-t it off, ch-o-o-p it off, and make guacahole. This blog...is for Witchie. The hole thing. Not just part, the hole thing. What can you do with a hole? You can fill a hole. You can tongue a hole. You can gaze into a hole. You can enlarge a hole. You can stick something in a hole. You can take something out of a hole. There is a hole lot of things you can do with a hole. You can build a barrier, so nobody falls into the hole. You can lay branches over a hole, so people do fall into it. Holey crap...I'm running out of ideas. HOLE!!! HOLEY HOLEY HOLE...we aren't supposed to talk about the hole.

No...this is not about someone you know, so don't assume that. I just want to vent out something that I won't be able to say to this bitch because I will never speak to her again, and so I felt like putting it here..it helps relieve stress. You are a worthless bitch, and I am finally coming to realize that. You are two-faced, a coward and a liar, saying anything you can to anybody who will listen to make them believe you to be a better person. You tell stories to get people to believe in you, when you don't believe in yourself. You say one thing to one person, another to somebody else, and mean neither..you just say what you think is right to get people to like you and trust you, but you are as shallow as a papercut, and twice as annoying. You beg for attention, you think that your body will get you everything you desire. It won't. It will get you used, disrespected, and ridiculed. Normally I would try to protect you from that, I would try to force people to see past your appearance and pay attention to the person beneath...but I won't be fooled any longer. That shallow good-for-nothing exterior is truly as deep as you are. When you dig beneath the surface, you don't reach the quality of your soul..but instead the rancid stench of your bullshit. The people you admire, and desire respect from, are the ones who disrespect you the most, the ones who ridicule you when you aren't paying attention. Their "friendship" is as shallow as your act, and as deep as the profound nothingness of your consideration for others. You push away those who truly care about you, and ignore them because the clamors of the "bad boys" are all you pay attention to. You believe what they say to your face, and ignore the words said behind your back. It is better to be loved by a few than to receive bullshit words of praise from many who don't care about you. You would rather have someone say you are hot, than give half a chance to someone who respects you for who you are rather than what you look like. That is sad. Your shallow lifestyle and inability to trust and love others...shall leave you broken and alone. You can never be with one person, because your mind focuses too much on someone calling you hot..you can't understand they just say that because you are so willing to debase yourself for the compliments. They don't think you are hot, they think you are easy. You aren't beautiful to them, you are a piece of meat. And yet...they mean more to you than the ones who will stand up for you, protect you, give up everything they have to make you happy and keep you from the kind of pain your shallow lifestyle will inflict upon you. Your lies will catch up to you, if they have not already. I can see your life unraveling, even if you cannot see it yourself. I can see you ignoring the ones who will be good to you, I can see you drifting off to pretend you are "cool". It will amount to nothing, it will only bring you pain and misery. I tried to be there for you, I tried to help you...but you wouldn't allow it. I always respected you, until recently..until I realized that the lies and bullshit games were truly all there was to you. I thought there was a decent person inside you, but that was just me believing the lies, hoping too much that there was something in you worthy of saving. I still watch you, baffled horror wracking my heart, trying to understand why you go to the lengths you do to be accepted by people who don't matter..but I'm not as superficial as you are. I don't care what strangers say, what shallow people think. I care about the people who are worthy of my respect. I care about the people who deserve my trust. I care about the type of people I thought you were. Now...I'm just at a loss. I don't care to help you anymore, I'm tired of being burned for it. I don't care about being there for you, when you don't want me there. I don't care about saving you, when it only hurts me in the end. But I can't stop watching. It's fascinating to see someone as completely oblivious to reality as you attempt to...do whatever the hell you are trying to do. I can't even understand that. I see you manipulating people, but I don't see why..I don't see any goals in your malicious behavior. It's like a gruesome car wreck...I don't want to see it, but I can't stop watching. I'm torn between wishing you would change, and turn things around, become the person I hope you are deep inside..and wanting you to be miserable just so I can laugh at you for all your bullshit coming back to you.