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Elizabeth Evans
I arrived at Bella’s house at the usual time, waiting for her in my Volvo. She bounced out with a smile on her face, and raced to the car. I got out and opened the passenger door for her; she didn’t hesitate to get in.
We drove to school in silence, both remembering our day together. I parked the car in my usual spot and went around opening the door for her; she stepped out and took my hand. We walked together to her first class; I kissed her cheek gently and headed off to mine.
I was walking to quickly and not paying attention, when I bumped in to Elizabeth Evans. "Oh god, I'm so sorry" I said as I bent down to help her pick up her books that had been strewn across the floor.
"Don't worry about it" she said loosely. We finished picking up her books and stood up at precisely same time.
Our eyes met, I noticed her eyes were more turquoise then green. There seemed to be sadness in her eyes. She smiled, and fluttered her eye lashes at me. I was lost in her eyes for a few moments, and then snapped out of it.
"Here," I said handing her books to her. "Thanks" she said with a warm smile on her face.
Her face was beautiful, she had full lips and her eyes were so inviting, her tanned skin glowed radiantly. She suddenly looked away from me, like she had something to hide. I started towards my class room, concentrating hard on Liz's voice. Trying to hear what she was thinking. Suddenly I heard her voice in my mind. "Nice try Edward, but you can't read my mind.”
Hearing this shocked me, and I looked back at Liz. She smiled and winked at me. I turned and hurried towards my next class.
I thought about the whole incident during my second period. How did she get into my head? Why couldn't I read her mind?
I had to talk to Carlisle about this when I got home. The bell rang and I hurried to meet Bella outside her class room door. As I reached her class I saw Bella talking to someone, upon approaching I realized it was Liz. Why was Liz making friends with Bella suddenly? I made my way to meet them. "Hey Edward, this is Liz"
"Yes I know we kind of bumped into each other today." "Nice to see you again Liz"
“Would you like to join us for lunch Liz?” Bella asked.
“I would love to Bella, but I have prior arrangements” Liz Replied.
I took Bella’s hand and we walked off to the cafeteria. In the lunch line, I told Bella what had transpired between Liz and me.
“What do you mean; she was in your head? How is that possible?” she asked surprised.
“I don’t Know Bella. I tried to read her thoughts and couldn’t, then suddenly she was in my head telling me that I couldn’t read her thoughts, and not to bother trying.”
“You couldn’t read her thoughts! I thought I was the only one who’s thoughts you couldn’t read.” She said.
“Well, looks like you’re not the only one anymore.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes, neither of us sure of what to do. Bella broke the silence.
“So what are we going to do?” she finally asked.
“We’re not doing anything, I’m going to talk to my family about it,” I replied. “What else can I do?”
I quickly changed the subject. “So what do you want to do this weekend?” I asked her.
“Well Billy and Jacob are coming by Saturday for a BBQ” she replied. “Their probably going have some beer too. So I’ll be keeping Jacob Company.”
“Alright I want to talk to my family about this, but I’ll be by later in the evening.”
The rest of the school day went by quickly. I raced home to talk to my family about Elizabeth Evans. I explained some of it to everyone, while we waited for Carlisle to get home.
Carlisle arrived home and the discussion began. “Well…” Carlsile said after I had told the whole story. “Sounds like we got a telepathic on our hands.”
“Seems so Carlisle” I said.
“Why don’t you do some research Edward, find out what you can about Elizabeth.”
“I’m on it Carlisle” I said leaving the room and heading to the computer to do some research.
I opened my laptop and typed in Elizabeth Evans. There were thousands of hits, with her name in them. I clicked on the one on the top first, reading it quickly and moving on. The first ten pages were a bust, and none of them helped.
I kept looking and then I found something that was a shock, a paper clipping, from 1917.
Evan’s murders a mystery, 18 year old Elizabeth Evans Missing.
November 20th, 1917
This morning Mr. and Mrs. William Evans found dead by their cleaning staff, in front of the fire place. The Baron and Baroness originally from London England were found with small puncture wounds to their necks. Their 18 year old daughter Elizabeth Evans missing. A search will commence today, anyone willing to help in the search is to contact Constable Robert Lewis at 551-0275. Anyone with any information about Elizabeth’s whereabouts please contact him immediately.
I was in awe, she was a baroness. I wondered if she had ever revealed herself and made her claim to her parent’s fortune. I kept searching and found another article.
Elizabeth Evans found alive and well
February 20th, 1918
Elizabeth Evans was found today, lying on the graves of her parents, found by the trustee to her estate, he has taken her into his care. The family lawyer has been called to arrange for the estate to be signed over to her. It will be a few days until the estate will be signed over. Elizabeth Evans is soon to be the richest 18 year old in all of Chicago, and will be assuming the title of baroness.
I sat in shock at what I found, totally baffled. I printed out both articles, and rushed to Carlisle’s office to show him. I reached his office door and knocked gently. “Come in” I heard him say.
I entered his office with both articles in my hand. “Carlisle I found a few articles that I think you may want to see.” I said handing them to him.
He took the articles from my hand and read them slowly. “Oh” he said.
“What Carlisle?” I retorted.
He stared blankly at the articles, and then looked at me. “Well it seems I know Elizabeth”
“What! How?” I asked shocked.
He pondered on what to say. “Well…I was friends with her father William. We had become friends after he brought Elizabeth to the clinic I worked in; she had broken her arm when she fell out of a tree. After that we had become good friends and William would come to me whenever he needed to talk. We became so close, that he put me as trustee of the estate.”
“So you’re the trustee that the article was talking about.” I said.
“Yes Edward, Elizabeth even stayed with me for a very short time. I was also one of the people who helped search for her. I wasn’t sure if she had been bitten like her parents. Three months after she disappeared, I went to their graves to place some flowers, and I found her there lying on their graves. Looking somber, yet not crying. That’s when I knew that she had been bitten too and was a vampire. It took four days before the family lawyer was available. We got all the papers in order and signed, she claimed the estate, and then disappeared.”
“I don’t understand; how is she a vampire and still have a tan?” I asked curiously.
“I’m guessing it’s one of her abilities that she got, after she was transformed” Carlisle replied.
“Wow that’s one handy ability she got.” I replied.
“Yes it is, makes it easier for her to live amongst humans and go undetected. Seems she got that and the ability to speak telepathically.”
“I’m going to go see if I can find her, and talk to her.” I said eagerly.
I left Carlisle’s office and jumped in my Volvo, to head into town. I was speeding along towards town, when I seen something bolt across the road. I came to a stop on the shoulder, got out of my car and raced after whatever it was.
I stopped in a small clearing using my hearing to try and find who was running about. Suddenly I was on the ground and I heard a musical giggle. I stood up swiftly, and turned to see Elizabeth smiling at me.
“Looking for me?” she said with a smile on her face.
“Yes, actually I was, but how’d you know?” I replied.
“Well, I didn’t actually know, but I hoped” She said. “Your last name seemed familiar to me that is why I’ve been trying to find out more about you. You see I knew someone a long time ago with the last name Cullen.”
“Yes I know, and his name was Carlisle” I retorted.
“So you know him Edward?” she asked.
“Yes indeed I do, he is my father for all intensive purposes” I told her.
“I haven’t seen him in years, how is he? I’m very grateful to him for all the help he gave me back when…” she paused. “Back when my parents died”
“I know all about it Liz, I was doing research on you, trying to find out why you had the ability to speak to me telepathically.”
She laughed “I knew you’d figure it out Edward, it was only a matter of time.”
I stared at her in awe, not sure what to think. Her beauty was breath taking. She came closer and looked into my eyes. “Edward, have you ever felt there was something missing in your life?” she asked.
I pondered the question for a minute. “Yes, up until a few weeks ago”
She sighed “I’d really like to see Carlisle again. Do you think you could take me to see him? We have so much to catch up on”
I thought about it for a moment “Yes, I gather you do. Come we’ll take my car.”
The drive back to Bella’s
We got in the car and started back to Bella’s house. I turned on the radio to an oldies station. “You like 50’s music?” Bella asked.
“Music in the 50’s was good. Much better than the 60’s and 70’s, ugh” I shuddered. “The 80’s were bearable.”
“Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?” Bella asked. “Does it matter much?” I replied. “Not really, but I still wonder…” she said grimacing. “There’s nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night.”
“I wonder if it will upset you,” I said glancing at her. I gazed into the sun; as the minutes passed.
“Try me,” she finally said.
I sighed, and then looked into her eyes. I wanted to tell her, but I wasn’t sure how she’d react. “I was born in Chicago in 1901.” I paused and glanced at her from the corner of my eyes. Her face was unsurprised, and she was waiting to hear the rest. I smiled a tiny smile and continued. “Carlisle found me in the hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza.”
Bella breathed in so low, it was barely audible. I looked down into her eyes. “I don’t remember it well…it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade.” I was lost in my thoughts for a short time before I went on. “I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It’s not an easy thing, not something you could forget.”
“Your parents?” she asked
“They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That’s why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone.”
“How did he…save you?” she asked. I few seconds passed before I answered.
“It was difficult. Not many have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us…I don’t think you could find his equal throughout all of history.” I paused. “For me, it was merely very, very painful.”
“Carlisle acted on loneliness. That’s usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle’s family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though somehow her heart was still beating.”
“So you must be dying, then, to become…” she replied not saying the word Vampire, it was like it was an unspoken word for her.
“No, that’s just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice.” I said with profound respect in my voice. I respected Carlisle for everything he does, and everything he has done. “It is easier he says, though,” I continued, “if the blood is weak.” I looked down the dark road, closing the subject again.
“And Emmett and Rosalie?” she asked.
“Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn’t realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme is to him…he was careful with his thoughts around me.” I rolled my eyes. “But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting…we were in Appalachia at the time…and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn’t be able to do it herself. I’m only beginning to see how difficult the journey was for her.” I glanced in Bella’s direction, and raise our hands, still folded together, and brushed her cheek with the back of my hand.
“But she made it,” she encouraged, looking away from my eyes.
“Yes,” I murmured. “She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they’ve been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school.” I laughed. “I suppose we’ll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again.”
“Alice and Jasper?”
“Alice and Jasper are two very different creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another…family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind.”
“Really?” I interrupted, fascinated. “But you said you were the only one that could read people’s thoughts.”
“That’s true. Alice knows other things. She sees things…things that might happen, things that are coming. But it’s very subjective. The future isn’t set in stone. Things change.” My jaw set when I said it, and my eyes darted to her face and quickly away.
“What kinds of things does she see?” she asked.
“She saw Jasper, and knew that he was looking for her before he knew himself. She saw Carlisle and our family and they came together to find us. She’s most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose.”
“Are there a lot of…your kind?” she asked surprised.
“No not many. But most won’t settle in any one place. Only those like us, who have given up hunting humans” I glanced slyly in her direction “Most can’t live among humans for any length of time. We’ve only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became to noticeable. Those of us who live…differently tend to band together.”
“And the other’s?” she asked.
“Nomads, for the most part. We’ve all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the north.” She was about to ask a question, but I already knew what she would say. “Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?” I teased. “Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There’s a reason we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It’s nice to be able to go outside during the day. You wouldn’t believe how tired you can get of the night time in eighty odd years.”
“So that’s where the legends came from.” She retorted.
“Probably” I replied.
“Alice came from another family like Jasper?” she asked.
“No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn’t remember her human life at all. And she also doesn’t remember who created her. She woke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn’t had that other sense, if she hadn’t seen Jasper and Carlsile and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would’ve turned into a total savage.”
I gave Bella a lot to think about, and I could see she had so many more questions to ask. Her stomach growled. “I’m sorry; I have kept you from your dinner. I’ve never spent so much time with someone who eats food. I forget.”
“I want to stay with you” she said.
“Can’t I come in?” I asked. “Would you like to?” “Yes if that’s alright” I replied.
I got out quickly and went around and opened her door for her. “Very human” she said. “It’s definitely resurfacing”
I walked beside her in the night, so quietly that she had to peek over to see if I was still there. I reached the door ahead of her and opened it for her. She paused halfway through the door frame.
“The door was unlocked?” she said with a shocked look on her face. “No, I used the key under the eave.” I replied.
She stepped inside and clicked on the porch light, then turned and looked at me. “I was curious about you.”I said. “You spied on me?” she immediately said.
I looked down slightly ashamed. “What else is there to do at night?” She let it go for the moment and walked down the hall to the kitchen. I was there before her, needing no guide. I sat down in one of the chairs at the dining room table.
She concentrated on getting her dinner, taking out what I assumed was left over’s from last night’s dinner, lasagna from the fridge. She placed a square of it on a plate, and heated it in the microwave.
The kitchen filled with the aroma of tomatoes and oregano. “How often?” she asked. “Hmmm?” I said drifting back from my reverie.
She didn’t turn around. “How often did you come here?”
“I come here almost every night.” I replied.
She whirled around stunned. “Why?”
“You’re interesting when you sleep.” I spoke matter of-factly. “You talk”
“No!” she gasped, her face turned red as she blushed. She gripped the counter for support.
My expression instantly shifted to chagrin. “Are you angry with me?”
“That depends!” she said sounding like she had the wind knocked out of her.
I waited. “On?”I urged.
“What you heard!” she wailed.
Instantly and silently I walked to her side, taking her hands carefully in mine.
“Don’t be upset!” I pleaded. Dropping my face to the level of her eyes, and holding her gaze. She tried to look away. “You miss your mother,” I whispered. “You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it’s less often now. Once you said, ‘It’s too green.’” I laughed softly, hoping that I didn’t offend her further.
“Anything else?” She demanded.
I knew what she was getting at. “You did say my name,” I admitted.
She sighed in defeat. “A lot?”
“How much do you mean by ‘a lot’ exactly?”
“Oh no!” she said hanging her head.
I pulled her to my chest, softly, naturally. “Don’t be so self-conscious,” I whispered in her ear. “If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not ashamed of it.”
At that moment we both heard the sound of tires on the brick driveway, saw the head lights flash through the front windows, down the hall to us. She stiffened in my arms.
“Should your father know I’m here?”I asked.
“I’m not sure…”she said.
“Another time then…” and I quickly disappeared.
“Edward!” she hissed. I chuckled in the darkness.
I laid on her bed waiting for her to come up. The door opened quickly “Edward?”She whispered.
I laughed quietly.”Yes?”
She whirled around, one hand going to her throat in surprise. There I lay, smiling hugely, across her bed, hands behind my head, feet dangling off the edge, perfectly at ease.
“Oh!”She breathed, sinking unsteadily to the floor.
“I’m sorry.” I said pressing my lips together, trying to hide my amusement.
“Just give me a minute to restart my heart” She said as she took in a deep breath.
I sat up slowly, so I wouldn’t startle her again. I leaned forward and reached out my long arms and picked her up, gripping the top of her arms like she was a toddler, and sat her on the bed beside me.
“Why don’t you sit with me,” I suggested, putting my cold hand on hers. “How’s the heart?”
“You tell me…I’m sure you hear it better than I do.” I laughed quietly.
We sat in silence for a moment, both listening to her heartbeat slow.
“Can I have a minute to be human?” she asked.
“Certainly.” I gestured with one hand that she should proceed.
“Stay,” she said, trying to look severe.
“Yes, ma’am.” I replied.
She hopped of the bed, grabbing her pajamas off the floor, and her bag of toiletries off the desk, and slipped out the door, closing it behind her.
She flew into the room, closing the door tightly behind her. I hadn’t moved an inch, she smiled.
I appraised her with my eyes, taking in her damp hair, the tattered shirt. I raised one eyebrow. “Nice.”
She grimaced.
“No, it looks good on you.” I said quickly.
“Thanks,” she whispered. She came back to my side, sitting crossed-legged beside me. She looked down at the floor.
“What was all that for?” I asked.
“Charlie thinks I’m sneaking out.”
“Oh.” I said contemplating. “Why?”
“Apparently, I look a little overexcited.”
I lifted her chin, and examined her face. “You look very warm, actually.” I said bending my face slowly to hers, laying my cool cheek against her skin. She held perfectly still. “Mmmmmm…,” I breathed.
“It seems to be…much easier for you, now, to be close to me” she said.
“Does it seem that way to you?” I murmured, gliding my nose to the corner of her jaw. I lightly brushed her damp hair back, so that my lips could touch the hollow beneath her ear.
“Much, much easier,” she said exhaling.
“Hmm.”
“So I was wondering…” she began again, as I traced my fingers alone her collarbone.
“Yes?” I breathed.
“Why is that,” her voice shook, “do you think?”
I breathed ever so lightly on her neck as I laughed. “Mind over matter.”
She pulled back; I froze…and stopped breathing. We stared cautiously at each other for a moment, then I relaxed my clenched jaw gradually, my expression puzzled. “Did I do something wrong?”I asked.
“No…the opposite. You’re driving me crazy,” she explained.
I considered that briefly, and spoke with a pleasing tone. “Really?” I said a triumphant smile slowly coming across my face.
“Would you like a round of applause?” she asked sarcastically.
I grinned. “I’m just pleasantly surprised,” I clarified. “In the last hundred years or so,” I said teasing, “I’ve never imagined anything like this. I didn’t believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with…in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it’s all new to me, that I’m good at it…at being with you…”
“Your good at everything,” she pointed out.
I shrugged, allowing it, and we both laughed in whispers.
“But how can it be so easy now?” she pressed. “This afternoon…”
“It’s not easy,” I sighed. “But this afternoon, I was still…undecided. I’m sorry about that, it was unforgiveable for me to behave so…”
“Not unforgiveable,” she disagreed.
“Thank you.” I said smiling. “You see,” I continued, looking down now, “I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough…” I picked up one of her hands and pressed it lightly to my face. “And while there was still that possibility that I might be…overcome” I breathed in the scent of her wrist. “I was…susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would…that I could ever…” I struggled so hard to say the words.
“So there’s no possibility now?” she asked.
“Mind over matter,” I repeated, smiling.
“Wow, that was easy,” she said.
I threw back my head and laughed, quietly as a whisper, but still exuberantly. “Easy for you!” I amended, touching her nose with my fingertip. My expression became serious. “I’m trying,” I whispered, with pain in my voice. “If it gets to be… too much, I’m fairly sure I’ll be able to leave.”
She scowled. Not liking the talk of me leaving.
“And it will be harder tomorrow,” I continued. “I’ve had the scent of you in my head all day, and I have grown amazingly desensitized. If I’m away from you for any length of time, I’ll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think.”
“Don’t go away, then,” she responded, unable to hide the longing in her voice.
“That suits me,” I replied, relaxing my face into a gentle smile. “Bring on the shackles…I’m your prisoner.” I laughed my quiet, musical laugh. I laughed more tonight then I had in all the time I’d spent with her.
“You seem more…optimistic than usual,” she observed. “I haven’t seen you like this before.”
“Isn’t this what it’s supposed to be like?” I smiled. “The glory of first love, and all that. It’s incredible, isn’t it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in pictures, and experiencing it?”
“Very different,” she agreed. “More forceful than I’d imagined.”
“For example” I said my words flowing swiftly now, “the emotion of jealously. I’ve read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…” I grimaced. “Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?”
She nodded, remembering that day. “The day you started talking to me again.”
“I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt…I didn’t recognize it at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn’t know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend’s sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care.”
“And then the line started forming,” I chuckled.
“I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn’t deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn’t be sure.”
“That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.”
“And then,” I whispered. “As you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke it so clearly, at first I thought you’d woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn’t ignore you any longer.” I was silent for a moment, listening to the uneven sound of her heartbeat.
“But jealousy…it’s a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And Irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…” I shook my head angrily.
“I should’ve known you’d be listening,” she groaned.
“Of course”
“That made you jealous, though, really?”
“I’m new at this; you’re resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it’s fresh.”
“But honestly,” she teased, “for that to bother you, after I have to hear about that Rosalie…Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie…was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compare with that?”
“There’s no competition.” He smiled. I took her hands and draped then around my back, holding her close. She kept as still as she could, even breathing with caution.
“I know there’s no competition,” she mumbled into my cold skin. “That’s the problem.”
“Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her own way, but even if she wasn’t like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn’t belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me.” I was serious now, thoughtful. “For almost ninety years I’ve walked among my kind and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren’t alive yet.”
“It hardly seems fair,” she whispered, her face still resting on my chest, listening to my breath come and go. “I haven’t had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?”
“You’re right,” I agreed with some amusement. “I should make this harder for you, definitely.” I freed one of my hands, and released her wrist, only to gather it more carefully in my other hand. I stroked her wet hair softly, from the top of her head to her waist. “You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that’s surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity…what’s that worth?”
“Very little…I don’t feel deprived of anything.”
“Not yet.” I said my voice was abruptly full of ancient grief.
She tried to pull back, to look in my face, but my hand locked her wrist in an unbreakable hold.
“What…” she started to ask, when my body became alert. She froze, and I suddenly released her hands, and disappeared.
“Lie down!” I hissed.
She rolled under her quilt, balling up on her side, the way she usually slept. The door opened, and Charlie peeked in to make sure she was still where she was supposed to be. He quietly closed the door, and went to bed.
As soon as he departed, I was back on the bed with Bella, putting my arms around her, my lips at her ear.
“You are a terrible actress…I’d say that path is clear for you.”
“Darn it,” she muttered. Her heart was crashing in her chest.
I hummed a melody, one she probably didn’t recognize.
I paused. “Should I sing you to sleep?”
“Right,” she laughed. “Like I could sleep with you here!”
“You do it all the time,” I reminded her.
“But I didn’t know you were here,” she replied icily.
“Well I’ll let you get some sleep; you need it you’ve had a long day.”
“No please don’t leave just yet. I feel safe with you here.” She replied.
“Ok then, shall I sing to you, to help you sleep?”
“Please do. What song is it anyways?” she asked.
“It’s just a song I composed myself” I said and started to hum it again.
“Well I like it, it is very comforting.” She said closing her eyes.
I continued to hum her lullaby, which she had no clue that I had written, with her as my inspiration. Before I could finish she was sleeping soundly. I lay there watching her sleep for a while, and then made my way home.
“Are you all right?” I asked tenderly, reaching out slowly, carefully, to place my hand back in hers. She looked at my hand, and then at my eyes, then back to my hand. She continued tracing the lines in my hand with her fingertip. She looked up at me and smiled timidly, and I smiled back.
“So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?” I asked. “Honestly I can’t remember.” She said shyly. I smiled with a shamed look on my face. “I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason.” “Oh, right.” She said. “Well?” I quipped.
She looked down at my hand and doodled aimlessly across my palm. The seconds ticked by. “How easily frustrated I am,” I sighed.
She gazed into my eyes. “I was afraid…because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can’t stay with you. And I’m afraid that I’d like to stay with you, much more than I should.” She looked down at my hands as she spoke. It seemed difficult for her to say this out loud.
“Yes,” I agreed slowly. “That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That’s not really in your best interest.” She frowned. “I should have left a long time ago,” I sighed. “I should leave now. But I don’t know if I can.”
“I don’t want you to leave,” she mumbled, staring down. “This is exactly why I should. But don’t worry; I’m essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I know I should.”
“I’m glad.” She replied. “Don’t be!” I said withdrawing my hand, more gently this time; my voice was harsher than usual.
“It’s not your company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget that I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else.” I stopped, and gazed unseeingly into the forest.
“I don’t think I understand exactly what you mean… by the last part anyways,” she said. I looked back at her and smiled, my mood shifting again.
“How do I explain?” I mused. “And without frightening you again…hmmmm.” Without thinking about it, I placed my hand back in hers; she held it tightly in both or hers.
I looked at our hands. “That’s amazingly pleasant, the warmth.” I sighed. A moment passed as I assembled my thoughts. “You know how everyone enjoys different flavors?” I began. “Some people love chocolate ice cream, while other prefer strawberry?” She nodded. “Sorry about the bad food analogy…I couldn’t think of another way to explain.”
She smiled, and I smiled ruefully back. “You see every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he’d gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let’s say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac…and filled the room with it’s warm aroma…how do you think he would fare then?”
We sat silently, looking into each other’s eyes…trying to read each other’s thoughts. I broke the silence first. “Maybe that’s not the right comparison. Maybe it would be easy to turn the brandy down. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead.”
“So what you are saying is, I’m your brand of heroin?” she teased, trying to lighten the mood. I smiled swiftly, appreciating her efforts. “Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin.” “Does that happen often?” she asked.
I looked across the tree tops, thinking through my response. “I spoke to my brothers about it.” I said still staring off into the distance. “To Jasper, every one of you is the same. He’s the most recent to join our family. It’s a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn’t had the time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor.” I glanced swiftly at her, my expression apologetic.
“Sorry,” I said. “I don’t mind. Please don’t worry about offending me, or frightening me. That’s the way you think. I can understand, or at least try to.” She replied.
I took a deep breath and gazed at the sky again. “So Jasper wasn’t sure if he’d ever come across someone who was as…” I hesitated, looking for the right word…”Appealing as you are to me. This makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, one stronger than the other.” “And for you?” she asked. “Never.”
The word hung there for a moment in the warm breeze. “What did Emmett do?” she asked to break the silence. I was silent, and I clenched my hand into a fist inside hers. I looked away. She waited silently, but I wasn’t going to answer.
“I guess I know,” she finally said. I lifted my eyes; my expression was wistful, pleading. “Even the strongest of us fall of the wagon, don’t we?” I asked. “What are you asking me? For my permission?” Her voice was sharp. “I mean, is there no hope, then?” she said calmly.
“No, no!” I said firmly. “Of course there’s hope! I mean, of course I won’t…” I left the sentence hanging. My eyes burned into hers. “It’s different for us. Emmett…these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn’t as… practiced, as careful, as he is now.”
I fell silent and watched her intently as she thought it through. “So if we’d met…oh, in a dark alley or something…” she trailed off. “It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of biology in front of all those people and…” I stopped abruptly, looking away. “When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn’t been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself.” I paused, scowling at the trees.
I glanced at her grimly, both of us remembering. “You must have thought I was possessed.” I said. “I couldn’t understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…” she replied. “To me it was like you were some sort of demon, summon straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin…I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought each one of them back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…”
I looked up then at her staggered expression as she tried to absorb my bitter memories. “You would have come,” I promised. She tried to speak calmly. “Without a doubt.”
I frowned down at her hands, releasing her from my forced stare. “And then I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there…in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there…so easily dealt with.”
“But I resisted. I don’t know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn’t smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home…I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was wrong…and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving.” She stared in surprise.
“I traded cars with him…he had a full tank of gas and I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t dare go home, to face Esme. She wouldn’t have let me go without a scene. She would’ve tried to convince me that it wasn’t necessary…” “By the next morning I was in Alaska.” I said ashamed. I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances…but I was homesick. I hated knowing I upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself that it was weak to run away. I’d dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl” I grinned suddenly. “To chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…” I stared off into space.
“I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it.”
“It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn’t simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction to me was. I wasn’t used to having to go through such desperate measures, listening to your words through Jessica’s mind…her mind isn’t very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn’t know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating.” I frowned at the memory.
“I wanted for you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would any other person. I was actually eager, hoping to decipher your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions…and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or hair, and the scent would stun me again…”
“Of course, then you were nearly crushed before my very eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment…because if I hadn’t saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don’t think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, “not her.’”
I closed my eyes, lost in my agonizing confession to take her life. Finally she spoke, but her voice was faint. “In the hospital?” My eyes flashed up to hers. “I was appalled. I couldn’t believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power…you of all people. As If I needed another motive to kill you.” We both flinched as the word slipped out. “But it had the opposite effect,” I continued quickly. “I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time…the worst fight we had ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice.” I grimaced when I said her name. “Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay.” I shook my head.
“All the next day I eavesdropped on the minds of anyone you spoke to, shocked that you had kept your word. I didn’t understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn’t become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, you hair…it hit me as hard as it did that first day.” I met her eyes with a tender gaze.
“And for all that,” I continued. “I’d fared better if I had exposed us all that first moment, than now here…with no witnesses and nothing to stop me…I were to hurt you.”
“Why?” she asked, such a human question. “Isabella.” I pronounced her full name carefully, and then playfully ruffled her hair with my free hand. “Bella, I couldn’t live with myself if I were to hurt you. You don’t know how much it’s tortured me.” I looked down ashamed again. “The thought of you, still, white, cold…to never see you blush scarlet again, never to see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses…it would be unendurable.” I lifted my eyes to hers. “You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever.”
“Well you already know how I feel, of course,” she finally said. “I’m here…which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you.” She frowned. “I’m an idiot.”
“You are an idiot,” I agreed with a laugh. Our eyes met, and she laughed too. We laughed together at the idiocy and sheer impossibility of such a moment.
“And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…” I murmured. She looked away from me, hiding her eyes. “What a stupid lamb,” She sighed. “What a masochistic lion.” I stared into the shadowy forest for a long moment.
“Why?” she began, and then paused, not quite sure how to continue. I looked at her and smiled. “Yes?” I asked.
“Tell me why you ran from me before.” My smile faded. “You know why.”
“No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I’ll have to be on guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn’t do. This, for example” she stroked the back of my hand…”Seems to be alright.”
I smiled again. “Bella you didn’t do anything wrong. It was my fault.” “But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder on you.”
“Well…” I contemplated for a moment. “It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness…I wasn’t expecting you to come close. And the smell of your throat.” I stopped short, looking to see if I upset her.
“Ok then,” she said fixing her hair so that her neck didn’t show. “No throat exposure.”
I laughed. “No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else.” I raised my free hand and gently placed it on the side of her neck, she sat very still.
“You see,” I said. “Perfectly fine.” “The blush on your cheeks is lovely,” I murmured, and gently freed my other hand. Her hands fell limply to her lap. Softly I brushed her cheek, and then held her face between my hands.
“Be very still,” I whispered. Slowly never moving my eyes from hers, I leaned towards her. Then abruptly, but very gently, I rested my cold cheek against the hollow of her throat. With deliberate slowness, I slide my hands down the sides of her neck. She shivered and I breathed in deeply. My hands did not pause and softly I moved to her shoulder, and then stopped.
I drifted my face to the side, my nose skimming across her collarbone. I came to rest on her chest with the side of my face. “Ah,” I sighed.
I few minutes passed and I released her. "It won’t be so hard again,” I said with satisfaction. “Was that very hard for you?” she asked. “Not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. And you?” “No, it wasn’t bad…for me.”
I smiled at her inflection. “You know what I mean.” I smiled. “Here” I took her hand and placed it against my cheek. “Do you feel how warm it is?”
“Don’t move.” She whispered. I closed my eyes and became as immobile as stone. She caressed my cheek, delicately stroked my eyelids. She traced the shape of my nose, and then, so carefully, my lips. I parted my lips under her hand, and she could feel my breath on her fingertips. She dropped her hand and leaned away.
I opened my eyes, wanting her in a way that I never imagined. “I wish,” I whispered, “I wish you could feel the…complexity…the confusion…I feel. That you could understand.” “Tell me,” She breathed. “I don’t think I can. I’ve told you, on the one hand, the hunger…the thirst…that, deplorable creature I am, I feel for you. I think you can understand that to an extent. Though” I half smiled…”As you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can’t empathize completely.”
“But…” I touched her lips lightly. “There are other hungers. Hungers I don’t even understand, that are foreign to me.”
“I may understand that better then you think.”
“I’m not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?”
“For me?” She paused. “No. never. Never before this.”
“I don’t know how to be close with you,” I admitted. “I don’t know if I even can.”
She leaned forward slowly, cautioning me with her eyes. She placed her cheek on my chest. “This is enough,” She sighed. I put my arms around her and pressed my face against her hair.
“You’re better at this than you give yourself credit for,” she commented.
“I have human instincts…they may be buried deep, but they are there.” We sat like that for a long moment. The light was fading, and shadows were beginning to hit the forest, she sighed.
“You have to go.” I said. “I thought you couldn’t read my mind.” “It’s, getting clearer.” I said smiling.
I took her shoulders and looked into her face. “Can I show you something?” I asked, suddenly excited. “Show me what?” she replied.
“I want to show you how I travel through the forest.” I saw her expression. “Don’t worry you’ll be extremely safe, and we’ll get to your truck a lot faster.” I smiled my crooked smile.
“Will you turn into a bat?” she asked. I laughed real loud. “Like I haven’t heard that before!” “Right, I’m sure you get that all the time.” “Come on, little coward, climb on my back.”
She waited to see if I was joking, but realized I meant it. I smiled at her hesitation, and reached for her. I slung her on my back, with very little effort; she clamped her legs around me tightly.
“I’m a bit heavier than your average backpack,” she warned. “Ha!” I snorted.
I grabbed her hand, and pressed her palm to me face, and inhaled deeply. “Easier all the time,” I muttered. Then I started running.
I streaked through the dark, thick underbrush of the forest like a bullet. There was no sound of my feet ever touching the ground. My breathing never changed, and never indicated any effort.
Within minutes it was over, and we were back at her truck. I pried her legs and arms from my body and set her gently on her feet. “Exhilarating, isn’t it?” I asked my voice high, with excitement.
I stood motionless waiting for her to speak. “Bella?” I asked, anxious now. “I think I need to lie down,” she gasped. “Oh, sorry.” I said and gently helped her to the ground.
She laid there quietly for a few moments. “How do you feel?” I asked. “Dizzy, I think” “Put your head between your knees.” I said to her.
She did it immediately, and took a few deep breaths. A few moments passed by and finally she lifted her head. “I guess that wasn’t such a great idea,” I mused. “No, it was very interesting.” She said with a weak voice.
“Ha-ha, you’re as white as a ghost…no you’re as white as me!” I said. “I think I should have closed my eyes.” She said quickly. “Remember that next time” I replied. “Next time!” she groaned.
I laughed, my mood was still radiant. “Show-off,” she muttered.
“Open your eyes, Bella,” I said quietly. She opened her eyes and saw me standing there. “I was thinking, while I was running…” I paused. “About not hitting trees, I hope.” She said jokingly.
“Silly Bella,” I chuckled. “Running is a second nature to me; it’s not something I have to think about.” “Show-off,” She muttered again. I smiled.
“No,” I continued, “I was thinking there was something I wanted to try.” I took her face in my hands again. She didn’t breath. I hesitated…not the way a man would hesitate before he kissed a woman. Then slowly after a few moments I brought my cold lips to hers, gently. Her breath became wild gasps, and she entangled her fingers in my hair, as she parted her lips to breathe in my scent.
Immediately I used my hands to gently push her face back. She opened her eyes and saw the guarded expression on my face. “Oops,” she breathed.
“That’s an understatement.” My eyes were wild, and my jaw clenched in acute restraint. I held her face just inches from mine. “Should I…?”
She started to attempt to give me some room, but I refused to let her move an inch. “No, it’s tolerable. Wait for a moment please.” I said in a polite controlled voice. She kept her eyes on mine, she could see that the excitement faded and gentled.
I smiled an impish smile. “There,” I said impressed with myself. “Tolerable?” She asked.
I laughed out loud. “I’m stronger than I thought. It’s nice to know.” “I wish I could say the same. I’m sorry.” “You are only human, after all.” I replied. “Thanks so much.” She replied bitterly.
I was on my feet in one swift movement, and held my hand out to her. She took my icy hand, needing the support more than she thought. Her balance hadn’t returned yet.
“Are you still faint from the run? Or was my kissing expertise?” I laughed. “I can’t be sure, I’m still woozy.” She managed to respond.
“I think it’s some of both, though.” I said. “Maybe you should let me drive.” “Are you insane?” She protested.
“I can drive better than you on your best day,” I teased. “You have much slower reflexes.”
“I’m sure that’s true, but I don’t think my nerves, or my truck, could take it.” “Some trust, please, Bella” I replied.
She had her hand in her pocket, and I can only assume that she was clutching the key firmly in her hand. She pursed her lips, deliberately, than shook her head with a tight grin. “Nope. Not a chance.” I raised my eyebrow in disbelief.
She started to step around me, heading for the driver’s side. I might’ve let her pass if she hadn’t wobbled slightly. I created an inescapable snare with my hands around her waist.
“Bella I’ve already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I’m not about to let you get behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can’t even walk straight. Besides, friends don’t let friends drive drunk,” I quoted and chuckled.
“Drunk?” she objected. “You’re intoxicated by my very presence.” I said grinning with a playful smirk.
“I can’t argue with that,” she sighed. She knew there was no way around it; that she couldn’t resist me. She held the key up high and dropped it, watching my hand flash like lightening to catch it soundlessly. “Take it easy…my truck is a senior citizen.”
“Very sensible,” I said approvingly. “And are you not affected at all?” She asked irked. “By my presence?”
My expression became soft, warm. I didn’t answer her at first; I simply bent my face to hers, and brushed my lips slowly along her jaw, from her ear to her chin, back and forth. She trembled. “Regardless,” I finally muttered. “I have better reflexes.
Time alone with Bella
The next morning I was at Bella’s house, waiting patiently for her. She threw open the door and locked it quickly, almost running to my side. I chuckled as I watch her; she almost tripped over her own feet. “Good morning” I said still laughing. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Well…you rushed to me so quickly you almost tripped, and we match.” I said. She glanced over me and then herself and giggled. “Yeah how funny, we do match.”
I stood by the passenger’s side of her truck, waiting for her to unlock the door. She climbed into the driver’s side and unlocked the door for me. “Where to?” she asked. “Put your seatbelt on…I’m nervous already” I replied. She gave me a dirty look, but she complied.
“So where to?” she asked again. “Take the one-oh-two north,” I ordered. We drove in silence for a bit. “Were you planning on making it out of Forks before nightfall?” I laughed breaking the silence. “This truck is old enough to be your car’s grandfather…have some respect.” She retorted.
We were soon out of the towns limits. “Turn right on the one-ten” I instructed just as she was about to ask. She obeyed silently. “Now drive until the pavement ends.” “And what’s where the pavement ends?” she wondered out loud. “A trail” I replied. “We’re hiking?” she said quickly. “Is that a problem?” I said expecting as much. “No.” she lied. “Don’t worry it’s only five miles or so, and we aren’t in a hurry.” I smiled.
She didn’t reply back, and I had no clue what she was thinking at this moment. “What are you thinking?” I finally asked her. She lied again. “Just wondering where we’re going.” “It’s a place I like to go when the weather is nice.” I said looking out the window.
“Charlie said it will be warm today.” She quipped. “And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?” I asked. “Nope.” “But Jessica thinks we’re going to Seattle together?” and it made me feel a bit better.
“No I told her you canceled on me…which is true.” “So what you’re telling me…is that no one knows you’re with me?” I said angrily now. “That depends…I assume you told Alice?” she said with a smirk on her face. “That’s very helpful Bella,” I snapped. But she pretended she didn’t hear that.
“Are you so depressed by Forks, that it’s made you suicidal?” I demanded when she ignored me. “You said it might cause trouble for you…us being together publicly,” she reminded me. “So you’re worried about the trouble it might cause me…if you don’t come home?” I said with anger and sarcasm. She nodded, but kept her eyes on the road. I muttered something under my breath, so quick that she couldn’t understand.
We were silent for the rest of the drive. I’m sure she could feel the waves of disapproval coming off of me. The road ended, constricting to a thin foot trail with a small wooden marker. She parked the truck on the narrow shoulder and got out.
It was warm now, warmer then the first day she arrived in Forks. She pulled off her sweater and knotted it around her waist. I got out of the truck and slammed the door.
“This way,” I said glancing over my shoulder at her, I was still annoyed. I started into the dark forest. “What about the trail?” she said nervously. “I won’t let you get lost.” I promised, with a mocking smile. I had my shirt unbuttoned and she gasped. I stared at her bewildered at her tortured expression.
“Do you want to go home?” I asked her quietly. “No.” she said and walked forward until she was close beside me. “What’s wrong?” I asked in a gentle voice. “I’m not a very good hiker,” she answered dully. “You’ll have to be very patient with me.” “I can be patient…if I make a great effort.” I smiled, holding her glance. She smiled back, but it looked unconvincing. “I’ll take you home,” I promised. I turned back and started walking towards the truck. “No, I don’t want to go home, but if you want me to hack through a jungle for five miles before sundown, you better start leading the way.” She said. I frowned at her trying to understand her tone and expression.
I gave up after a moment and led the way into the forest. When the path took us over fallen trees, I would help her, by lifting her over them. For the most part we walked in silence. Occasionally I would ask a random question that I hadn’t gotten to in the past two days. I asked about her birthdays, her grade school teachers, her childhood pets. She admitted that after killing three fish in a row that she had given up on having a pet, I laughed at that.
The hike took us most of the morning, but not once did I show any signs of being impatient. I was perfectly at ease in the forest, never once doubting our direction.
After several hours, the light filtered through the canopy. The day had turned sunny, just like I told Bella it would. “Are we there yet?” she teased. “Nearly.” I replied and smiled at the change in her mood. “Do you see the brightness ahead?” I asked her. She peered into the thick forest. “Um, should I?” I smirked. “Maybe it’s a bit too soon for your eyes.” “Time to visit an optometrist,” she muttered.
We walked another hundred yards, and the light suddenly appeared through the canopy. She picked up the pace as soon as she saw the light. I let her lead now, following noiselessly.
She reached the edge of the pool of light and stepped through the last fringe of ferns. The meadow was small, perfectly round, and filled with wildflowers. Nearby there was a stream, that sounded like music. The sun was directly overhead, filling the meadow with a haze of buttery sunshine. I stayed beneath the dense shade of the canopy at the edge of the hollow, watching her with curious eyes.
She took a step towards me, her eyes lit up with curiosity. I was wary and reluctant. She smiled at me encouragingly and beckoned me with her hand, taking another step towards me. I held up my hand in warning, and she hesitated, rocking back onto her heels.
I took a deep breath, and then stepped into the bright glow of the midday sun. I stood there as she stared; singing softly to myself, so low that she couldn’t hear. I laid down in the grass with my arms folded under my head. She sat down and put her chin on her knees, not for one second taking her eyes off me. The wind was gentle; and it tangled her hair and ruffled the grass that swayed around my motionless body. She reached out one finger and stroked the back of my hand.
“I don’t scare you?” I asked playfully. “No more than usual.” She whispered. I smiled widely. She inched closer, and stretched out her whole hand to trace the contours of my forearm with her finger tips.
“Do you mind?” she asked, for I had my eyes closed. “No,” I said without opening my eyes. “You can’t begin to imagine how that feels.” I sighed.
She lightly trailed her hand over the muscles in my arm. With her other hand, she reached to turn my hand over. Realizing what she wanted, I flipped my hand palm up in a blindingly fast motion. It startled her; she froze on my arm for a brief second.
“Sorry,” I murmured, closing my eyes again. “It’s too easy to be myself with you.” She lifted my hand, turning it this way and that. “Tell me what you are thinking?” I asked. “It’s still strange for me, not knowing.” “You know the rest of us feel that way all the time.” She said. “It’s a hard life.” I said with a bit of regret in my voice. “But you didn’t tell me.”
“I was wishing I could know what you were thinking…” she hesitated. “And?” I asked. “I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn’t afraid.”
“I don’t want you to be afraid.” I said in a soft murmur. “Well that’s not exactly the fear I meant, though that’s certainly something to think about.”
I sat up quickly, so quickly that she missed the motion. I was half propped up on my right arm, my left palm still in her hand. I moved my face close to hers. “What are you afraid of then?” I whispered intently. She didn’t answer, she just breathed in deeply. Then I was gone, my hand ripped from hers. In the time it took her eyes to focus, I was twenty feet away, standing at the edge of the small meadow, in the shade of a huge fir tree.
“I’m…sorry…Edward.” She whispered, knowing I could hear her. “Give me a moment please,” I called, just loud enough so she could hear me. After approximately ten seconds, I walked back towards her slowly. I stopped several feet away, and sank gracefully to the ground, crossing my legs. My eyes never left hers. I took two deep breaths, and smiled in apology.
“I am very sorry.” I hesitated. “Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?” She nodded once, not able to smile at my little joke. I could smell the fear from her, and smiled mockingly. “I’m the world’s best predator, aren’t I? Everything about me invites you in…my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!” I jumped to my feel and bounded away, instantly out of sight, only to appear beneath the same tree as before, having circled the meadow in half a second.
“As if you could out run me,” I laughed bitterly. I reached up with one hand and, with a deafening crack, effortlessly ripping a two-foot-thick branch from the trunk of the spruce. I balanced it in one hand for a moment, then threw it with blinding speed, shattering it against another huge tree, which shook and trembled at the blow.
Then I was in front of her again, standing two feet away, standing as still as stone. “As if you could fight me off,” I said gently. She sat without moving, seeming more frightened of me then she had ever been. “Don’t be afraid,” I murmured. “I promise…” I hesitated. “I swear not to hurt you.” I said trying to convince myself, more than trying to convince her.
“Don’t be afraid,” I whispered again, and stepped closer with utter slowness. I sat slowly, until our faces were on the same level, just a foot apart. “Please forgive me,” I said formally. “I can control myself. You just caught me off guard. But I’m on my best behavior now.” I waited, but she still didn’t speak. “I’m not thirsty today, honestly.” I winked. She laughed at that, though the sound was shaky and breathless.
Complications
Everyone watched as we walked together to our lab table. I no longer needed to angle my chair away from Bella. I sat close beside her, our arms almost touching.
Mr. Banner came into the room, pulling a tall metal frame with wheels and an outdated T.V and VCR on it. Great movie day in biology I thought. He shoved the tape into the reluctant VCR and walked to the lights and turned them off. I felt some unexpected electricity that suddenly flowed through my body. Bella crossed her arms tightly across her chest, balling her hands into fists.
The opening credits began, lighting up the room by a token amount. I sat with my hands across my chest, in the exact same position as Bella, she noticed this and smiled. I grinned back at her. She looked away from me and back to the T.V.
The hour seemed really long. Bella couldn’t seem to concentrate on the movie. Occasionally she would quickly look in my direction.
She breathed a sigh of relief when Mr. Banner turned on the lights. She stretched her arms out in front of herself, flexing her fingers. I chuckled, “Well that was interesting” “Umm,” was all she seemed to get out. “Shall we?” I said quickly rising from my seat.
She stood carefully, probably worrying about her balance. We walked to her next class in silence and then paused at the door. I raised my hand hesitant and swiftly brushed the length of her cheekbone with my finger tips. I turned without a word and strode away quickly.
During class I was only half listening to the teacher. I was curious about what Bella meant when she said I hadn’t seen her in gym. I listened carefully trying to hear Mike’s thoughts. I listened during the whole class and chuckled at what I heard. Class ended and I rushed towards the gym to meet Bella. I leaned casually against the side of the entrance to the gym, waiting for Bella. She walked out slowly “Hi” she said when she saw me standing there. “Hello” I replied smiling brilliantly. “How was gym?” “Fine” she replied frowning. “Really” I was unconvinced.
My eyes shifted focus, as I looked over Bella’s shoulder. She glanced behind her to see Mike walk away. “What?” she demanded. I looked back to her, my eyes tight. “Newton’s getting on my nerves” “You were listening again?” she said horror struck. “How’s your head?” I asked innocently. “You’re unbelievable!” she said turning and stomping away in the general direction of the parking lot.
I kept up with her easily. “You were the one who mentioned that I hadn’t seen you in gym…it made me curious.” We walked in silence, but stopped when we were a few feet away from my car. A crowd of people, all guys, were surrounding it. I realized it wasn’t my car that they were interested in. Right next to my car was Rosalie’s red convertible, they had unmistakable lust in their eyes. None of them looked up as I slide between them to open my door. Bella quickly jumped into the passenger’s side.
“Ostentatious,” I muttered. “What kind of car is that?” Bella asked. “An M3.” I replied. “I don’t speak car and driver.” Bella said. “It’s a BMW.” I said. I rolled my eyes as I tried to back out without running over anyone. She nodded.
“Are you still angry?” I asked while I carefully maneuvered my way out. “Definitely” she said quickly. I sighed. “Will you forgive me if I apologize?” I asked her. “Maybe…if you mean it. And if you promise not to do it again.” She insisted.
There was a pause in our conversation. “How about if I mean it, and I agree to let you drive on Saturday?” I asked her. She deliberated for a min. “Okay deal” she finally replied.
“Then I’m very sorry I upset you” I said to her sincerely. I could hear the rhythm of her heart speed up. “And I will be on your doorstep bright and early Saturday morning.” I told her. “Umm, it doesn’t help with the Charlie situation if an unexplained Volvo is left in the driveway” she said quickly. I smiled “I wasn’t planning on bringing a car.” “How…” I cut her off right then. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be there, no car.” She let it go.
“Is it later yet?” she asked significantly. I frowned “I suppose it is later.” She kept her expression polite as she waited. I stopped the car. She looked up surprised that we were already at her house, parked behind her truck. She looked at me, and I was staring at her, measuring her with my eyes.
“You still want to know why you can’t see me hunt.” I was solemn, but had a trace of humor in my eyes.
“Well,” she clarified, “I was mostly wondering about your reaction.” “Did I frighten you?” I said with a note of humor in my voice. “No,” she lied, and I didn’t buy it. “I apologize for scaring you,” I persisted with a slight smile, but all the hint of teasing disappeared. “It was just the very thought of you being there…while we hunted.” I said tightening my jaw. “That would be bad?” she asked. “Extremely,” I said speaking through clenched teeth. “Because…?” she asked.
I took a deep breath and stared out the windshield at the thick, rolling clouds. “When we hunt,” I spoke slowly, unwillingly, “we give ourselves over to our senses…govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way…” I shook my head, still gazing at the heavy clouds.
She kept her expression firmly under control, expecting a quick flash of my eyes to judge her reaction. Her face gave away nothing. Our eyes held, and the silence deepened…and changed. I felt the electricity that I had felt in biology this afternoon, and I gazed intently into her eyes. She had stopped breathing and finally drew a jagged breath, breaking the silence, I closed my eyes.
“Bella I think you should go inside now.” My voice was low and rough, my eyes were on the clouds again.
She opened the door, and a draft burst into the car. She stepped carefully out of the car, holding on to the roof to support herself, and shut the door behind her. She walked away without looking back. I rolled the window down, and it made her turn around to look at me.
“Oh, Bella?” I called after her, my voice more even. I leaned towards the open window with a faint smile on my lips. “Yes?” she said staring at me. “Tomorrow it’s my turn.” I said. “Your turn to what?”
I smiled wider, flashing my gleaming white teeth. “To ask the questions.” I said and sped away from her house.
The next day I waited for Charlie’s cruiser to leave and parked in his spot in the driveway. She walked to the car, pausing shyly before opening it and stepping in. I was smiling, and relaxed.
“Good morning.” I said in a silky voice. “How are you today?” I said and glanced her up and down. “Good, Thank you.” She replied.
My gaze lingered at the circles under her eyes. “You look tired.” I said at once. “I couldn’t sleep,” she confessed, swinging her hair over her shoulder to provide herself with some cover.
“Neither could I,” I teased as I started the engine. She laughed “I guess that’s right. I suppose I slept just a bit more then you did.” “I’d wager you did.” I replied with a smile on my face.
“So what did you do last night” she asked. I chuckled “Not a chance. It’s my day to ask the questions.”
“Oh, that’s right. What do you want to know?” Her forehead creased. “What’s your favorite color?” I asked my face grave. She rolled her eyes “It changes from day to day.” “Well then what is your favorite color today?” I reworded. “Probably brown.” She seemed to dress according to her mood. I snorted, dropping my serious expression. “Brown?” I asked skeptically. “Sure, brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that’s supposed to be brown here is all covered up with moss.” She complained.
I was fascinated with her little rant, and considered it for a moment, while staring into her eyes. “You’re right” I decided, serious again. “Brown is warm.” I reached over, swiftly, but still hesitantly, to sweep her hair back behind her shoulder.
We were at school now. I turned back to her as I pulled into a parking space. “What kind of music do you have in your CD player right now?” I asked, my face somber as if I had asked for a murder confession. She said the name of the band, and I smiled crookedly, a peculiar expression in my eyes. I flipped open the compartment under my CD player, pulled out a CD and handed it to her.
“Debussy to this?” I raised an eyebrow. She realized it was the same CD, and examined the familiar cover, looking down. It continued this way all day. I questioned her relentlessly about every insignificant detail of her very existence. Movies she liked and hated, places she had been, places she wanted to go, and books, endless books.
I absorbed everything she told me. My questions were mostly easy, and a few made her blush. When she blushed I asked a whole new round of questions. I asked her what her favorite gemstone was, and she quickly blurted out topaz. I’d been flinging questions at her with such speed. “Why are you blushing?” I asked her, grinning at how red her face had become. She didn’t reply. “Tell me,” I commanded after persuasion failed.
“It’s the color of your eyes today,” she sighed, surrendering, still staring down at her hands as she fiddled with a piece of her hair. “I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I’d say onyx.”
I paused briefly. “What kind of flowers do you prefer?” I fired at her. She sighed in relief that the embarrassing question was gone.
I continued questioning her up until Mr. Banner entered the room, dragging the audiovisual again. As the teacher approached the light switch, I slide my chair slightly further away from Bella. There was the same electric spark, the same restless craving to reach out and touch her across the short space, as yesterday she leaned forward on the table resting her chin on her folded arms. She didn’t look at me, and I watched her every move.
The hour went by quickly, and she sighed when Mr. Banner turned the lights back on, finally glancing at me. I rose in silence and then stood still, waiting for her. She got up and we walked towards the gym in silence. I touched her face wordlessly, this time with the back of my hand, stroking from her temple to her jaw, before I turned and walked away.
Class ended quickly and I rushed to the gym to wait for Bella. I smiled at her before I began more cross-examination. My questions were different now, she did not answer them easily. I wanted to know what she missed about Phoenix, insisting on descriptions of anything I wasn’t familiar with. We sat in front of her house for hours, as the sky darkened and rain plummeted around us in a sudden deluge.
She tried to describe impossible things like the scent of creosote… bitter, silently, resinous, but still pleasant... the high, keening sound of the cicadas in July, the feathery barrenness of the trees, the very size of the sky, extending from white-blue from horizon to horizon, barely interrupted by the low mountains covered with purple volcanic rock. I listened intently to everything she was describing to me. She struggled to explain why it was so beautiful to her, to justify a beauty that didn’t depend on the sparse, spiny vegetation that often looked half dead.
My quiet, probing questions kept her talking freely. She finally finished detailing her room at home; I paused instead of responding with another question.
“Are you finished?” she asked with relief. “Not even close…but your father will be home soon.” I replied. “Charlie!” she said suddenly recalling his existence, and sighed.
She looked out at the rain-darkened sky, but she gave nothing away. “How late is it?” she wondered aloud, as she glanced at the clock. “It’s twilight” I said softly, looking at the western horizon, obscured as it was with clouds. My voice was thoughtful, as if I were somewhere far away. I gazed unseeingly out the windshield. Suddenly I shifted my eyes back to hers.
“It’s the safest time of the day for us,” I said, answering the unspoken question in her eyes. “The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…the end of another day and the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don’t you think?” I smiled wistfully.
“I like the night. Without the dark, we’d never see the stars.” She frowned. “Not that you see them much here” I laughed, and the mood abruptly lightened.
“Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So unless you want to tell him that you’ll be with me Saturday…” I raised one eyebrow.
“Thanks, but no thanks.” She replied gathering her books. “So is it my turn tomorrow, then?”
“Certainly not!” I said with teasing outrage. “I told you I wasn’t done, didn’t I.?” “What more is there?” she replied solemnly.
“You’ll find out tomorrow.” I said reaching across to open her door. Her heart went into frenzied palpitations. I froze with my hand on the handle. “Not good,” I muttered.
“What is it?” she said surprised to see that my jaw was clenched, my eyes disturbed. I glanced at her for a brief second. “Another complication,” I said glumly.
Taking a few days off
That night I talked to Carlisle and told him I had to get away for a few days, because Bella’s Scent was driving me wild. I planned to leave at midnight, but I had this urge to see Bella once before I left. I knew where Bella lived because her father was Police Chief Charlie Swan. I ran through the forest, her scent getting closer as I approached Chief Swan’s house. The smell was totally tantalizing, it was like it was calling for me, no like she was calling for me.
I jumped gracefully and quietly through her window. She was sleeping, not restlessly though. She had only half her body in the blankets, and she looked like she was having a good dream. She moaned softly and clutched the covers so tightly to her body. I held my breath for fear that I would take her life, if I had breathed in her scent this close for even just a second. I stood by the window watching her sleep, how I wished I could look into her mind right now. Then suddenly she says my name “Edward” I backed away from the bed fearing that she seen me there, but her eyes were closed she was still asleep. I left her house with two questions in my mind. Was she dreaming about me??? Why would she say my name if she hadn’t been??
I decided to go British Columbia up in Canada for my hunting trip, and to give me some time away from Bella’s delicious mouth watering scent. I rather enjoyed my time by myself hunting mountain lions is a great distraction, still those questions ran through my mind. I stayed up in British Columbia for four days, before I decided to return to Forks. I sure wasn’t thirsty anymore and figured I’d be able to handle being close to Bella. There was a warm welcome for me when I got home, everyone had missed me dearly. Esme ran to me and hugged me tightly and told me that she was glad I was home. My beautiful fragile mother for all intensive purposes was so sweet and kind hearted; she loved us all as if we were her own flesh and blood. I decided I would go play the piano and relax a bit before the morning came and I had to go back to school. I played the piano into the night until early morning. Time passed by quickly and I didn’t realize the time until Alice put her hand gently on my shoulder.
Skipping biology
The events of yesterday were still rearing in my mind. I wondered what else Bella had noticed besides my eyes and the fact that I got to her so quickly in the parking lot. I got to the door and waited for Alice, Rosalie and Emmett weren’t driving with us today. Rosalie was still irate about what had happened yesterday at school. While on our way to school Alice informed me that my biology class would be doing blood typing. Well there goes my plan to talk to Bella to find out what she was thinking. First and second periods went by quickly; I walked slowly into the cafeteria ignoring everyone’s thoughts. I didn’t want to know what people were saying about me today, the only thoughts I wanted to read I couldn’t. At this point I saw Bella in the lunch line playing with some vegetables; she had an apple in her hand. The apple slipped out of her hand just as I approached her. I bounced it off my shoe and brought it up into my hand. She looked at me in shock as I handed it back to her. “Hello” I said. She looked up into my eyes, and at that point I really wished I could read her mind. “I don’t think I have the strength to stay away from you anymore” I said. “Then don’t, come hang out with us tonight at the beach” she replied “Which beach” I answered. “La Push” she quickly replied. I looked in her eyes and saw that she really wanted me there, but because of the treaty I could not venture to La Push. “Sorry I can’t, I’m busy tonight” She frowned and turned away from me and started back to her table.
I left the cafeteria before the bell rang. I wasn’t attending biology, due to the fact that they were doing blood typing. I was walking down the hall slowly heading for the parking lot when I saw Mike coming out of biology supporting Bella with his arms. I raced to them “Mike what happened?” “Well Bella here passed out at the site of blood, I was just taking her to the nurse” I took a firm hold of Bella “Its ok Mike I’ll take her, you get back to class” He reluctantly gave in and went back in to the room.
I escorted Bella to the nurse’s office. “I’m ok Edward, I just get queasy at the site of blood” “You need to lay down Bella, you look paler then usual” I helped her to the bed in the Nurse’s office and she laid down, the color started to come back to her face.
“Do you think you’re well enough to go back to class Bella?” the nurse asked. “I don’t think so; they are still doing blood typing” “Edward do you think you can take Bella home? I don’t think she can handle the rest of the school day.” The nurse said chuckling to herself. “Sure I can” I replied glad that Bella didn’t feel the need to go back to class. This would give me some time to talk with her.
I helped Bella up from the bed and let her put her arm over my shoulder so I could support most of her weight. We slowly walked out to the parking lot and headed for my car. She leaned up against the car on the passenger’s side as I unlocked my door. Once it was unlocked I went around and opened the door for her and helped her in. We drove in silence at first, and then she spoke. “Are you sure you don’t want to join us at La Push?” she asked. “Sorry Bella I have some stuff to take care of later, I can’t join you” I didn’t realize how fast I was driving until we were in front of her house. “Give me your truck keys; I’ll have Alice drop it off to you after school” She handed me her keys and slowly got out of the car. She turned back to me “Thank you again for helping me” she smiled. “You’re welcome” I said and smiled back. She turned back towards her house and walked slowly, turning back once to wave. I sped off towards home.
