Ninja's blog: "This and that"

So today started out crazy, woke up late, had traffic court, got there late, but that got continued because the police lady didn't show, and then went to open my business bank account. Then came 10am! LOL

So when I get back to the house (I work out the house, yay for being self-employed!) I find out a whole plethora of family drama went on while I was gone.  The basic run-down with screaming phone calls went like this:

Sister's ex-husband filed for sole custody of their son. In the course of the discovery, they found out that she was fired from Chili's for stealing, and that she has not been showing up for her Court-ordered drug testing. She tested positive for something when she was arrested for shoplifting and mandated to go to Drug Court. Violating that is 30-90 days in jail. On top of that, she has 3 outstanding warrants for traffic tickets in Jefferson and Orleans. She's very lucky that the process server wasn't a Sheriff's Deputy, because she would have been arrested on the spot.

Anyway, so his father called my mom to let her know what all was going on prior to her being served for court.

I knew the shit-storm was coming soon, I just expected it a little closer to the end of the month.

I just pray that she hits bottom soon, and has some reality check very soon, for the sake of her children. We weren't able to save her from herself, but maybe God can.We'll see.

I've learned some things at the darkest points of my life.

I'd like to share them, and hopefully, it makes some other people realize, everything truly does happen for a reason.

I grew up around death. As long as I can remember, every so often, a family member or someone close would pass. I never had the chance to know my father's parents, and my mom's passed when I was very young. Even though I was 3 when he passed, I vividly remember my paw paw. How he looked, how he smelled, down to his big green orthodic pillow and his huge blue puppy-dog eyes. I remember him tapping on the bed when we would come over on Sundays, wanting us all to pile in the bed and cuddle with him. He loved us and wanted us close, but he was old, and bed-ridden. I smile to this day thinking about him. My maw maw was disabled, and in a wheel-chair. She passed when I was 6, about a month after she had cataract surgery. She held out through the pain and suffering to see us once in her life. The memory I have of her is her, in tears, telling my mom it was the first time she had ever seen our faces. And that she could go in peace knowing her grandchildren.

I think many take for granted their grandparents, and how much time they get with them. They were only a brief passanger in the vehicle of my life, but the lessons I took from them was to cherish the time you have, and to celebrate them, not mourn them, when they are gone. They live on through you. Your memories, your love, and your eyes. I think this is the real reason I was so drawn to Second Line as the name of my company. Jazz Funerals are a tradition here in New Orleans, and one of the most soul-cleansing experiences you could ever be a part of. It puts a physical celebration with a spiritual release. 

I've lost a lot of people along the path, from accidents, illnesses, intentional acts. I've seen incredible cruelty, and unconditional love. Behind all the tears, and heartache of loss, though, I have always been able to think back on them all and laugh, or smile. And I truly think that, where ever they might be, they'd be happy to know they still make me smile.

The lesson I've learned is not to fear loss. It always happens, but you never really lose anything. Whatever it is, it always has a place in your heart. And as long as you think of it, from time to time, it lives on through your memories. So share those memories, commit them to word so that they can live on forever.

♥

Text convo:

James: Good Morning

Me: Heya

James: What's up

Me: Nada. Debating goin out

James: Ah. Going to give the girls a night out?

Me: IDK. Might go hang with the boys

James: I was referring to your girls....the twins

Me: LOL

It made me giggle!

I think it's no surprise to anyone that families fuction in a uniquely dysfunctional way, and that there are ugly secrets behind every seemingly functional family. Mine is no different. In the recent past (last year or so), my sister has continued a downward spiral into drug abuse and psychotic behavior. When it really started to get the worst, she decided that she would go and get pregnant because she needed someone who loved her. 

She got pregnant while on drugs (enough to kill an elephant at that) and miscarried several times. She finally got pregnant the last time, and it stuck. Instead of deciding to quit taking the drugs, or get some kind of help, she continued on, business as usual, getting high. 

She landed herself in jail (again) while she was 3 months pregnant. She then admitted to the drugs use of cocaine, oxycontin, xanax, and aderall, daily, mind you. She had it in her head that everyone wanted her to have an abortion and that she wouldn't be able to hold the pregnancy anyway, why not keep getting high?

Flash forward another 6 months, and the baby is born. 3lb 11oz, and tested positive for narcotics. The crazy behavior gets more irradic. She hands her oldest son off to his dad and visits him sporadicly. She continues the drugs use, along with the stealing to pay for her habit, and the lying about everything. She and her husband "borrow" money to pay bills that never get paid. They pawn anything they can get their hands on. They totally destroy a house they lived in rent free for 3 years. (The one that I am remodeling now -- See pics.)

Now flash forward another 11 months. Her son came here after school yesterday so he could have dinner with his mom. I'm feeding the little one when he blurts out "my mom developed a nervous tick the other day. her head started jerking like this" and began ticking his head back, just like she does when she's high.

*Heavy heart*

We thought that maybe, just maybe, her kids could save her. We were wrong...