dear life
It's been a while since i wrote something meaningful, to me. I really didn't feel the need to, not that I feel the need to right now, there are just some things i am not scared to say anymore. When I look back at the past, yes I do see darkness, I see a little girl shivering in her room at night, wondering why she's alive. A little girl who was hiding all her pain behind fake smiles and crazy attitude, telling lies after lies after lies only to hide her own truth. I see her making herself throw up to be thinner, i see her parents fighting and yelling and her being torn between the two. I see her waking up on the floor in her puke after she tried to take her life, I see her at the other side of the country with a guy in bed with her, pleading him to stop, her voice shaking, her heart racing, her eyes filled with fear. I see one of her dearest friend die. I see her driving friends away when they were getting too close to her. I see her being afraid of love, of friendship, of anything that could imply an attachment. I see her dreams crumbling down, her love for art disappear, the one thing she said to cherish for the rest of her life, vanish.
I see her being alone.
Years passed, and this little girl became "a woman". A young woman with what she used to call "her dark secrets". A young woman called Mylene.
Nop, no more talking in the third-person.
I've learn a lot in my life. If I had to redo it, now i can honestly say that i would take all the same choices, I wouldn't change a single thing. Because now I know there is more than that, I know every single little thing that happened in the past are a part of me, and the reason of who I am now. And I wouldn't want to be anyone else, ever. I do believe in heaven, and this, right now, this present moment, is a little piece of heaven to me.
Life gave me more than I could have ever hoped for.
Life gave me talent, in everything I would undertake. Beauty, and the gift to see beauty for what it really is, and not for what it looks like. Life trials, no matter how hard they were, they made me stronger. Wonderful friends, who I know will stick around till our very last breath, Jess, Laurence, Laurie, Sei and Yuri.
Though life didn't give me self-confidence, by doing so, it gave me a challenge.
To every bad side, there is a good side.
And to every day spent on this Earth, there is me, making the best out of it.
this, now, is who i am
and hope to be for the rest of my life
dear life, i love you
