Am i the only person here who loves to watch a couple together that hates each others guts? That has to be the most entertaining thing when you see two people that just hate each other ..together, and look we've all been there everybodys been in that situation where you will stay with somebody you dont even like them. Two weeks in and already you like "pshh", no way. I cant stand this peroson, I'll hang around for 5 or 6 years then we can end this thing violantly. I got time. Girls you make the craziest excuses to stay, your friends will try and get you out of it... "Why dont you just go? Seriously Jill just go, Jill? He's a jerk off. Just take your shit and go." Your like "I cant just go Kim, its not that simple, my cd's are in his truck I can't just walk away from 40 or 50 cd's. Its gonna take 2 or 3 more years of a abuse until I can leave with my cd's." That couple is the best, they fight over everything. Every little thing- huge explosion. And its not even about the thing, its about the fact that they wanna stab eachother in the neck with a steak knife because they hate eachother's existance. They get in what I call "nothing fights." Fights about absolutely nothing. Right, you see them waiting in line for the movie theatre. They hold hands, but its not loving at all. Its like this rigamortis, romatioid athritis, red rover grip that they got going on. And everything's an arguement. "I should probably bring my jacket, I might get cold." "You bring your fucking jacket. Ya think. Do ya think? Yes. What if they're pumpin' AC in there, and then your cold I have to go out and I miss the previews cause I gotta get your fuckin' jacket. Bring your jacket." I love nothing fights. The best nothing fight I have ever seen in my life. I was at the supermarket a few months ago and I'm going down the aisle and I'm at the Stoffer's Fresh Bread Pizzas, and I'm deciding do I want four cheese or one cheese. Cause sometimes, I like a lot of cheese. Sometimes, I like a dancing pluffera of cheese in my mouth. And then sometimes, I'm into a more solo cheese adventure. Just a single, one on one. Me and one cheese. Then sometimes I want an orgy of cheese on my plate. So as I'm standing there, contemplating my cheese future, I hear the nothing fight going on in the next aisle. I dont know exactly what they are saying, but I hear mumbles and grumbles. Ok. I hear the guy going "*grumbles*" and I hear the girl she's like [girl voice] "*grumbles*care...*more grumbles* care...I dont even care... *even more grumbles*care.." [guy] "*grumbles*...care. I dont even care *grumbles again* care..." I hear the nothing fight. I start getting so excited. I'm like I gotta go watch this, I gotta go see this. I'm so excited I leave my cart. You never leave your cart. God forbid somebody comes into the store and wants exactly that shit. And they're like "What. Jackpot. This is everything I wanted." I'm peeking around the Intimate cookies and I'm watching the best nothing fight that I've ever been a part of. They're in eachother's face. Ok, and the guy is saying to the girl and he's doing it like this "Do we have any jelly in the house? Do we or do we not have jelly. You said we did last time. I'm looking in the cabinets and I dont see any god damn jelly. I just wanna know if we have any jelly in the house." And she's egging him on, she's like [girl voice] "I dont even like jelly. I dont even like jelly. I get hives if I even look at jelly. Wha--I dont even know about jelly. I've never even--What is jelly. I dont even care." And he's like "I dont even give a shit about the hives. I want jelly in the fuckin' house. Stat. Pronto. Tonite. I dont give a--I will break your neck and pour jelly all over your body and pray to the gods of jelly to burn your soul in a jelly like hell. Now get the jelly!" I'm so excited, I'm eating the Intimates out of the box. I've opened a box and I am eating. "I'll pay for it. Relax. I know you're concerned, but I paid." This is the point during the nothing fight that I like to get involved. I have to get involved and I have to say something. Just a little jab, a little poke that will fuel the fire. And help take it to the next level. As they're going back and forth, I walk buy them, I lean in, and I go like this, "hey dude, dude, dude, I know what you mean about the jelly bro. Tell this twat to get jelly. Now." [guy] "See, see! Get the jelly-Uh, whats that word again? What, Twat! Good word. Thanks bro. I didnt ev- I forgot about that word. GET THE JELLY TWAT! Great word dude, great word. Twat. Yes." Let's talk a little bit about L-O-V-E. Sometimes, you meet somebody and you have what is known as a "relationship" and things can go great and if it goes great, then you have a great relationship. Sometimes, it doesnt go so great, and I like to call that a "relationshit". When you're not in love, you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love. On like, the same day. Even Karen the Douchebag falls in love. Even retarded people in your neighborhood are getting married on their front lawn. As you drive by - "What? The 'Tards just got married on their lawn. That's great. I have nobody, and the 'Tards just committed to each other for a lifetime of tardiness." Or is that, they're late for everything. I don't know, could be. I came up with the perfect analogy, right here. This is what it feels like when you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on and everyone was invited, except for you. And you just happen to be walking by that house, in the rain ... "Ohh. I wasn't invited to this party." That's what that feels like. But then again, once you're in love, you know what that's like? That's like being inside the party going, "Where's my jacket? I wanna get out of here. Where's my jacket? I've been at this party for six years and I wanna see other parties. Where's my jacket? Someone shit on the coats! I think someone shit on, about, or around the coats." "What?" You know what i hate, the one thing i hated growing up. I hated being tickled. Tickling's the worst. Cuz it started out fun. Right? "Tickling, lets tickle!' started fun ended horribly. Didnt it always escalade the same way first you would be like "Hahahahahahaaahaa c'mon! Hahhaaahaa i can't bre! I can't breathe! Cut it out!! Stop It!! im going to throw up!" and they couldnt stop they're like "Hahahaaahaa I dont care! Hahaahaa!" i had to punch my grandma in the chest to get her off of me. I'm a big practical joker man, I love to play practical jokes. I have one for you guys, you gotta try this. Really simple, very effective. Next time your at the airport, your at the airport. You see someone waitng for their flight, ok, they're just sitting there, reading a paper whatever, just chillin out. Here's what your gonna do, just like this. Walk over to them really slowly, just walk. Stand right in front of them, wait till they feel you there, you know what I mean? When they finally look up at you, just really seriously look them in they eyes and go like this... "Don't get on the flight."....hehe... You know they're sittin' there going. "I don't think I should get on this fucking flight. I think an ANGEL just told me not to get on the flight! Thank you angel wearing jeans!" How bout this one right. All you need for this is a pair of gloves, just take your gloves, right. And go down to the bank. Get behind all the people in the bank. Give the person in front of you a little nudge, just a little nudge. Wait till they turn around, and when they turn around, start putting on the gloves and say... "Now would be a good time to leave, right now." Either that or take out a piece of paper and a pen and say... "Hey, how do you spell shoot-you-in-the-fucking-face? Come on, hurry up, one word? What is it?" Here's a fun one right. Guys, next time u're at a bar, whatever, and you see a girl at the bar. Just walk up to her and go like this... "Hey, are you gonna walk to your car by yourself later? I'll be over here watching you all night wakeboardin, chillin, partyin here n there, forming a new band, grocery shoppin, camping, 4 wheelin, inner tubin, disney land, long walks on the beach, fuckin funworks yo, go carts, bumper boats, miniature golf, batting cages, laser tag, boomers, paintballin, snowboardin, vegas,

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