Cyanide's blog: "late nights"

yes its after 5 in the morning yes im still awake thinkin to hard wondering to much..

there are so many thoughts racing through my head i doubt that ill sleep i cant help but close my eyes and remember the good...the bad...the mistakes made...the nights i layed awake staring into the nothingness...the times when i used to stare deep into the stars n know everything was gonna be fine...my first full moon with him walkin on that beach the sand between my toes the water around my ancles walking hand in hand knowing it was true...the last night we spent together...the ones who left us...the ones who gave up...the late night phone calls...the early morning walks...the last words said to those certain people...times where nothing but fire made me smile...and many many more...all these things make me wonder what if it were different sometimes i wish they were...

yet at the same time all these memories created me...they evolved into my life they can't be helped anymore so now i start to paunder the abyss of what's coming next...though i've learnt not to think to hard about these it still happens can't be helped one day everything will seem like a blur a dream maybe when that day comes ill finally be okay when this day comes i will have no more worries no more stress when this day comes ill be lookin back and thinking how stupid i was laugh at some things cry at others but ill finally be completely happy...when will that day come?

I hate not being able to sleep especially when i wake up screaming or crying

I sometimes wish i could jst go away leave everything behind start fresh be someone knew just run from everything and everyone... that wont happen tho so ill keep myself sane by wondering staying awke as long as i possibly can i like it that way once i tier myself out so bad that i force myself to pass out i know ill sleep actually sleep not jst scream or cry,....the nightmares breifly leave that way...