Anyone whos lovingly connected with me or spoken with me in asking trully how things are with me in the last two weeks... no last 9 (now 10 days), know that life and this damn disease has sucked big time, to put it as nicely as possible.
Don't get me wrong, the people in my life have been thier wonderful, thank God for them, loving people they have always been and probably always willl be but my health and this damn pseudoturmor cerebrai disease and its fucking complications have had me in and out of the hospital so many times that it may take me a lifetime or two to pay off all the hospital and test fees that were "neccessary to help efficantly and effectivly draw to a understanding and draw a conclusion.
This all for why I've, in the last 9 (now 10) days passed out over 26 times, with the last one in the hallway of Southwest Medical Hospital here in Vancouver in the ER's hallway face first sending three nurses running for help and being woken up by my right arm being almost pulled out of my socket as they tried to wake and lift me at the same time. Kind of funny how saying "Fuck no!" in a semi loud voice can make people drop you softly back onto the hard floor you already face planted onto in the first place.
This is also for why in the last 9 (now 10) days I have blacked out, which is a newbie thrown into this fun ride in January, three times with the shortest amount of time being 15 minutes and the longest time being 2 hours and 35 minutes according to my ex. I wouldn't be to shocked with the blacking out if it wasn't for the complete and utter loss of memory of anything that happened a good 15 minutes before it happens and my utter misunderstanding, aka brain sludge, for a good 15 minutes after it happens.
According to people who have been with me or interacting with me at the time of these black outs, I suddenly begin to act and sound without any warning like I'm drunk and unable to carry on any kind of conversation while continuously repeating myself or asking the same questions without resolution. Now, I will be the first one to say, I've never been the brightest yellow in that section of the 96 crayon box set, but I can keep things moving and groving even with the stupidest of humans. So for me, having more minor short term memory loss thats been becoming more and more common since my VPShunt brain surgery back in August of last year, combined with sudden and randomn black outs for up to almost 3 hours time, and passing out at the drop of a hat... has got me and my doctors scared and overly concerned.
What to do?
Sometime in the next two weeks I am once again undergoing brain surgery to see if the vessels leaving from my brain may have had a narrowing of a major blood vessel in my brain that carries the neccessary fluids and regulates the pressure in my head and spine... aka, somethings clogged and not working right possibly. If so, then it can most likely be fixed and I can hopefully go back to the normal crappy pain I've had since April 13th, 2006 and or back to life as I knew it before all that. ((Wishing for red ruby slippers)) Either way there is hope... wish I had theheart to give hope a chance but for now... I'm going to cling to that little peice of hope and believe for a miracle again.
So, now I'm going to go strip down as naked as a chocolate girl can be, climb under my 'lectric bankey and try to go night night while this lovely morphine shot from the ER is still in my system! Sometimes they can be a good place to go when your willing to cut off the back of your head just for some release from torture pain... thats a whole nother ball of wax children so don't freak out...
Goodnight, Goodmorning and may you all be blessed with the health I pray for.
Much love and thanks for your love,
Kara
ps... Don't forget to remind me, cuz I will forget, to tell you how theres a good chance I may have cancer in both my eyes sometime, K? Night
