Alright ladies, gentlemen,
gather round,
you have your fresh cut cigars,
your snifters of cognac?
Beer and pretzels?
Soda and popcorn?
I've gathered you here for two reasons.
I need to get fucked,
and I need to get payed.
...
err I mean...
I'd like a career that will increase my means and lifestyle with a rewarding sense of accomplishment and challenge, and someone of the fair sex to spend my idle hours with, perhaps to star gaze with, take to dinner, and with whom to discuss poetry.
Yes,
I really do this stuff.
I do star gaze, I've taken a few courses in astronomy and physics for that reason alone.
I love the infinite sparkling sky.
Do I really smoke cigars, engage in witty banter, and drink cognac?
Why, yes, I do.
Is my favorite song on The Downward Spiral
"Big man with a gun" which includes the lyrics "shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot- I'm gonna come all over you- Me and my fucking gun! Me and my fucking gun! me and my fucking gun! me and my fucking gun! me and my fucking gun! me and my fucking gun! me and my fucking gun!" ?
... a resounding yes.
*coughs*
But my favorite composer is Rachmaninov.
His piano concierto #2 can pierce the darkness of the greatest real-life abyss.
Do I like to dance naked, while tracing my tongue down a lithe female body as my fingers trace up?
...again, yes.
But I also write and direct community drama.
Do I like to pretend I'm stomping the skulls of my enemies as I'm lashed to my exercise bike for 20 minutes at a time?
Probably.
Do I enjoy a good beer, and a bad baseball game every now and then?
Do I listen to art music as often as possible?
Do I feel naked without a rapier in my left hand, and a magnum in my right?
Yes.
Yes.
And oh my goodness,
yes.
I was born a lefty.
I was raised a fatty.
I was drawn a hero.
I was dreamed a poet.
And yes, I'm much more interesting and complicated, devious, mischevious, flirtatious, witty, malevolent, benevolent, magnificent, mundane, divine, loving, hating,
and fun
than you could have ever first thought.
So finish your cigar
down that last bit of diet cola
I'll be here
making my plans for my next novel
my triumphant return to the foil as a southpaw
and hoping
... that maybe you'll pick up the phone, or bump into me on purpose, whatever it takes
for you to give me the chance
for us to have a delightful chat.
