Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I
had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to
avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real
passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not
approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, her
tight Motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older
than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad, she's
pregnant.
Joan said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in
the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children. Joan has
opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really
hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for us and trading it with
the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and
ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure
for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to
take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to
visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son,
Chad
(scroll down)
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's
house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in
life than the report card that is in my center desk drawer.
I love you!
Call when it is safe for me to come home...