Ok, I admit it. Maybe I am not the perfect daughter. I have fucked up. I have made mistakes. But isn't that what life is all about?! You make mistakes and you learn from them. Maybe I am a little more hard headed then some. Maybe it takes me more than once to learn my lesson. Honestly, Why does it even matter to you? I mean it's not like you have really been there over the last few years. Except when I fuck up. You always seem to be there to tell me exactly how I fucked up and what you think about it. Do you know how inadequete that makes me feel? Do you know how much that crushed me the first time you did that? No probaly not. Does it even matter to you? Sometimes I wonder......I wish I could tell you how much you've hurt me throughout the years, but the sad thing is that you will never know. You weren't there to see the tears I cried or the tears welling up in my eyes as I write this now. You were never there to tell me you were proud of me for something good that I have done. Only to judge me when I did something wrong in your eyes. I know I am not perfect. I just wish you could accept that. You say I shouldn't be working in a bar. You say I can do better. Well yeah of course I can BUT can I find something I enjoy as much as bartending? Probaly not. Yeah I know I don't need another baby, BUT It's here. There's nothing I can do about it now. Yes, Daddy I am almost 25....I know that. Do you think I am not reminded of that every day? Yes I know I am not married. Do you think that is something I fail to realize? Trust me it's not. But if one thing is apparent to me it is this. I don't want to marry someone and not know whether or not it is going to last longer than a few months. If I marry someone I want it to be for the rest of our lives. Like Grandma Gail and Grandpa Bob......If we have our problems, so be it. But I want to know that we will be able to work our problems out. I don't want to be divorced 3 or 4 times and then finally happy. I want to be happy from the begining. Maybe you don't understand that and maybe you do....I don't know....I just wish sometimes you could accept me for who I am...Flaws and all.
