This is kinda long
but worth the read :-) …My favorite is #9.
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman
in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I
was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back
seat,
'Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his
mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle
the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the
phone. 'Mommy
can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the
bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels
and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then
asked,
'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my
uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?' Yes,' I answered and continued
writing the
report. 'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.
Is that
right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. Well, then,' she said as she
extended
her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I
saw a
little boy staring in at me 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he
asked. 'It
sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the
back of
the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I
used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly
intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes,
walkers
and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth
soaking
in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions,
she
merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad
donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why
not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next
morning.
'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the
intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that
proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton
batting,
then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The
minister's
son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
intoned
his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto
the
Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just
wasting my
time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write and they
won't let
me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He
picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed
in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
What have
you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he
answered,
'I think it's Adam's underwear.'