Icarus's blog: "Augurs, Martyrs, and Agnostics"

Might be working for a day coming up in the next couple weeks.

Cash in pocket.

My ... holy fuck when was the last time my bills got sent to me?

You wanna talk about postal service cutbacks? Try living in bumblefucknowhere.

So this month's theme is striking back. A notion I've spent all of 10 minutes thinking about.

I think I had such a hard swingback the last time shit went crazy (y'know, jail, house arrest, spending all of my money in processing fees, losing my job, barely finishing my last semester of school) was because I had someone to hate. I could pretend that would fix something.

If I just stayed mad- I'd overcome, I'd DRIVE.

I think the accident dispelled my anger.

And my confidence.

I mean, big gnarly headscar, and a year of back aches can kinda bring a guy down.

And the flashbacks, and the vivid recollection of how bad it hurts to open your head and bleed.

And the cold.

Still real to me.

Hate drove me, a lot faster than I thought possible.

I'm still angry. I'd say its even compounded

but...

I

I dunno. Its like something just... fell off.

I don't think I'm closing AMA til I get 200 posts, or until something big happens, but

I feel like I'm letting people down.

My parents.

My brother.

My friends.

My goddaughter.

My dog.

That's about the only thing outside of those incidents that I really feel.

I can lie.

I can try faking it.

I did before, and its a bit of a "and look where that got me" situation.

Worse off getting worse.

To strike back.

Righteousness.

Vengeance.

But I just can't get this guy... he didn't target me, he doesn't know me, he didn't betray me-

he just hurt me.

A lot.