I am not married anymore, but these bring back memories!
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station....
>
> And then the fight started....
> ************
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
>
> Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
>
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
>
> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
>
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
>
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'
>
> And then the fight started.....
> **************
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
>
> My wife asked,' Do you know her?'
>
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
>
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
> ***************
>
> I rear-ended a car this morning.
>
> So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
>
> You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
>
> Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
>
> He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
>
> So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
>
> And then the fight started.....
