‘Twas another night before Christmas,
he was searching for her gift.
It had to be better than socks
or something to scratch and sniff.
He'd been pondering choices
clear thru from last Sunday.
Sheer see through nighties
with small, lacy undies.
Lotions and vibrators,
shinny ones that hum.
Pink ones and chrome ones,
guaranteed to beat her drum!
He felt a little stirring,
but none of them seemed quite right.
So, he set out for more shopping
on that cold winters night.
He searched all the stores
and all of the malls to,
but came up empty handed;
wore out his best pair of shoes.
Then while sitting on a bench
resting his tired, sore ass,
the answer stared back at him
from that department store glass.
If the gift could not be found,
by fancy or whim,
the solution was so simple -
the perfect gift was him!
He bathed and he flossed
put on his favorite aftershave,
the one that said right on the bottle,
"this will raise 'er, even from the grave!"
Admiring his nakedness in the mirror,
feeling a slight tingle,
he couldn't resist reaching down
and giving his Christmas bells a jingle.
Then running to the living room
calling her on the phone,
he whispered, "I've got your gift ready
and I'm here all alone."
It seemed only a minute
she was knocking at his door.
Beat her old record getting there
by 3 minutes, maybe four!
When she came in she was a little shocked,
seeing his manhood wrapped with a little pink ribbon - No!
No, my mistake, it was wrapped
with a big manly, blue bow!
It stood up so proud and perfect,
why she had to wonder if it was real.
She couldn't quite get her hands around
the way it made her feel.
She swore it swelled more
than 10 times it's normal size that night
(but between you and me, I think
he had that bow tied a little too tight....)
She had a great time
trying out her gift, again and again.
He was worried she might wear it out,
but couldn't refuse her or her grin.
Then before they both passed out
on that Christmas Eve night
she whispered, "It's exactly what I wanted,
and it fits just right!"
Merry Christmas Y’all!!!! |
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