you know what im tryin to forget about the things that r happening to me, but soon as i forget, some unknown factor throws me right back in the mix. why is this happening? what did i do to deserve this. i spend more time making others happy besides myself. i dont know what being happy feels like. i never know what n e thing exciting is like. its like im the acceptor of bad news. and just when something good seems to happen, it becomes a joke, or a game. im sick of being played by people. worst i just found out most of my family has been using me since the death of my mother in 1991. just say they got it coming to them, just not from me. and no they r not gonna die, but they will suffer for using me to get what they want, my so called friends will too. and i thought i was finally gonna experience what having a gf felt like, but that became a joke too. DAMN!!!!!!!!!! See what i mean, i will never be a happy person in life. Too long this has been going on and I sit and do nothing about it, but when i do, im never heard, no one ever believes me, unless its something that they believe i do. Damn, i have so much ager and hurt inside. i dont have a heart n e more, since it has been rip to pieces that cant be put together again. Thanx to everyone who motivates me not to give up, you know who u r. It helps but not enough, although it works. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I just wanna do something bad to myself again, but im not taking that risk. Ima stay silent for a while, n e one needs me, i will be lying in darkness.
