You ever get the sense that you’re falling and for some reason you’re mind just will not except that it is you’re fault in the first place?
Well I’m having one of those days right now it’s 4AM and I just can’t sleep I really tried to as well I slept until 3AM then just could not get back to sleep something woke me but there was nothing there but something tells me something was in my room as my dog started to bark just outside my window so here I am writing my thoughts and drinking a shitty tasting RED EYE (POWER) .... I made some very shitty diction lately you know! Mmm first I screw up a friendship I was actually liking and believe me I did the royal screw job this time! there is no way of saving my ass from that one.... but well I don’t know I had a feeling like it was going to end and for the first time I am sorry to see it end there was something there that I just liked you know.. That kind of connection I have yearned for .... (Sigh) ah well its all good I guess... I’m damned and there is just no point in sulking about my shitty day.... which by the way was not half bad saw this girl with pricings in her cheek and she looked at me like she wanted to say something but her bus came so she had to go.... I still can’t help but think how interesting people are! There own little sub cultures and all its just amazing when I think that unlike all the other kids at school I didn’t want to fit it... I just wanted to hang back and watch everyone else play there games and enjoy what little fun in there lives they could! And even then I tried to help all I could to make sure they had that fun time! I met this kid once he was nice I bonded to him he was funny and interesting and all could make you laugh with just one look.... one day I saw him and I swear to you I saw a shadow over him... I knew right there that today was the last time I would see him alive so I spent the whole day giving him all he wanted! Making him laugh and doing everything he wanted.. Later that night he called me up and was sad I cheered him up and asked where he was .. He said he was at home just could not sleep and needed to talk to some one that would listen and not ask questions.... I said that’s me bro... he giggled this strange little giggle he dose... I think over the years I use it to remind me of that night... we said our good bye’s and the next day he was hit by a car on his way to my house killed on impact the driver just kept going.... I never found out till his parents sent me a letter telling me what happened... I died that day just a little... I hate being right but me was happy that I let him enjoy his last day happy... I don’t know why I’m telling you this just felt like I wanted to share with you a little bit of my past and the pain I live with all the time... there is a shit load more there but perhaps another time ok?
Just watched a movie tonight called Blood Diamond and that was amazing to say the least I cried in that movie and I don’t cry on movies unless it say’s something to me!... now the political crap didn’t do it and I’m not one to be moved by human suffering just the whole plot I guess... the jury is still out on that one.... I wonder if you notice I’m not writing like I normally do... well someone just recently woke me up to a point ... I am not a good person... even though I try to be I am inherently a bad guy... now don’t tell me I’m not I have done things in my past that would make you wish me dead! Hell some people actually do wish me dead (Sigh) one of my old teachers told me one day “you going to grow up to become nothing but an animal if you keep sticking to the same track that you are walking down! And if your not lucky the train is going to some down this track and leave you broken” he was right and that scares the shit out of me... ok I’m getting a little off now so I’m going to leave this here and perhaps write more later! I’ll talk to you all later!
Have a good one! & if you can’t then have a badly good one ^_^
Wolfie X
