Maji's blog: "Life shtuff..."

...you just cant fix it all.

Its been the haunt of most of my life. Whether it be your career, your family, your marriage,  or even as simple as a plant...all you can do is give it what it needs to get established, show it to the light of the world, and hope it flourishes.

I have a childhood friend of mine, a very bright and together girl, of whom bore two children by her highschool & beyond sweetheart, only to suffer him killing himself while she was carrying the youngest.  Despite all she had to contend with, she perservered,  raised 2 kids, put herself thru school for her RN,  remarried, and has made a good life for her and her children.

She even put me & my wife at the time & baby up for a month and a half  because the place we were to rent was not completed with renovations as promised when we arrived in the state.

Yesterday I get the news,  via a phonecall from my very hysterical ex wife, that her (our friend's) youngest, now 21, and Jr. to his fathers name, killed himself yesterday afternoon, after a phone spat with his girlfriend, and just minutes before her arriving home from work.

This has whirled around in my head all last night and today, trying to make sense of how it is that after all her fight,  she is rewarded with having to go thru this again, a generation later, with losing her own, by his fathers own legacy.

Im angry at the injustice, Im angry that my empathy feels so inadequate, an almost insult to her universe of heartbreak, but I know I need to be there just the same, having been a part of the rest of the history. Im increasingly irritated by my own mullings and the petty dwellings of others in the sometimes rediculous excuses for crisis that they choose to make so significant.

And once again Im reacquainted that you cant fix it all, you cant make it be right, do right or yield right, despite all you think or know that youve done right.

All you can do is throw love at it...and hope.