BDSM and a Vanilla Marriage
a balancing act
my name is ann. i am 31 years old, and i have been married ten years to a man who, to put it simply, thinks it's kinky sex if the lights are left on. In my heart, i have always known that i am a submissive, longing in my heart for my Master. i have shared some of my fantasies of BDSM with my husband, and i will admit that he has tried to please me a few times, but he makes it so obvious with his behavior that he does not approve of or enjoy BDSM, that he robs from me any pleasure that i might have found. So, being the sensible woman that i am, i tried to shut away that part of my heart that cried in the night, needing a Master.
Luckily for my sanity, i discovered the cyber-world of BDSM. my first forays into what the internet offered led me to sites with a lot of pictures, and a little information. Then, as i found myself being turned on by things i had never thought of, i began to search deeper, looking for more information. i will admit that some of the information i found took things to an extreme that i was uncomfortable with.
i happened across this web site, and the offer intrigued me... i could train to become the submissive my soul longed to be... Knowing the dangers lurking out on the web, i considered this web site for many days before mustering up the courage to write an email expressing interest to Sir.
i would be lying to you if i said that the problems in my marriage disappeared as i started my quadrant training. Far from it, in fact. But, like most marriages today, our marriage is a tenuous relationship. Some days, i struggle against the urge to pack it in and walk away, but i haven't left yet. Why, you ask? After careful consideration and much intropection, for the simple reason that, somewhere deep down in my heart, i do love him still. Saying that does not mean that i won't walk away tomorrow, however.
Balancing my need for submission with a Vanilla marriage is just as difficult as any working woman who balances a career with trying to raise a family. It will never be easy, but the rewards can be worth the trouble and aggravation. In fact, the easiest thing in the world for me to do would be to throw up my hands and walk away, telling you that you cannot balance BDSM and Vanilla, that there is just no way it will work. It can work, if you are willing to make the effort. But the decision whether or not it's worth the effort can only be made within your own heart. No one, not even your spouse, knows where you are in your life besides you.
my advice would be to go slow, to do what your heart guides you to. The ability to make the right decision will still be there tomorrow, but the opportunity to correct today's hastily made decision might not be.
