I am scared and yet expected to be strong.
I am sick, yet expected to pretend that I feel okay.
I am sad or upset, yet I am to present myself as happy and enthusiastic.
I am yelled or fussed at, yet I am not supposed to feel hurt or cry.
I am put down or judged, but I am not allowed to feel sad, low, worthless, or hurt.
I am falsely assumed guilty of things that I am no part of and I am supposed to admit to guilt to satisfy the assumptions of my accusers. Their need to be right over-rides actuality and I am not compliant or obedient, therefore I am unworthy of anything.
I found that if I am nervous about not being able to meet someones expectations, then I am just annoying them with my imperfections.
If I am found unhappy at any moment then I will deserve to be abandoned of any form of love and support.
If I am not in the same mood as others then I am violating the same mood rule.
I am trying so hard to learn to read minds and learn the ever changing rules of chaos and confusion, but all I am learning is that I will never be good enough to ever please anyone or ever be worthy of anything that is valued in life.
I am Me and I am going crazy, because there is no where else to go.
