Breaking News: The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On and crashed into We All Have Problems before coming to a complete stop at Get the Hell Over It. Self proclaimed victims of the crash made their way to Whiner Memorial and received medical treatment from Dr. Snivel. Reporting LIVE from the town of Self Pity, this is Quitchur Bitchin'. Now back to you, Jerry Springer.
