Sometimes I can't believe that he's thousands and thousands of miles away. I can't even begin to imagine what things are like for him. I don't get to talk to him whenever I want to, I don't get to see his face, EVER! It is so difficult to see other couples so happy around me. Even when its other military wives whose husbands are deployed and get to talk to them everyday or every other day. Whether it be on the phone or online. I don't get that. I don't get phone calls, IM's or Emails. I did for awhile, but now they're hard to come by.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I've just gotten my heart broken. I feel like a part of me has just died. Its hard to smile anymore, hell its even harder to fake smile-- I don't have the energy anymore to make others believe that I am happy and that I am not worried. I am very worried. When the phone rings, I check the caller ID of who it is-- and I'm always left heartbroken when it isn't him. I check the mail everyday only to find that there isn't a letter from him in it. I check facebook, myspace and my email accounts to find that he hasn't sent me anything either. I'm not mad at him, that would be selfish-- I'm mad at the fact that he's been put in a place where he doesn't have phones or computers. Thats what I am mad about. Why would they do that to him, me-- us?
I sit here day after day, night after night-- waiting for something, anything. Just a few minutes to see his name appear online, to see a message from him somewhere, anywhere. I wait for the phone to ring and the other end is him. Someone asks me, how do you deal with it? You can't deal with it, you just have to accept it and take it day by day. I see celebrities on TV talking of the war and all the ones that we've lost and say, there isn't a reason we're still there. But, that doesn't change the fact that we are still there.
I am proud of my soldier as all spouses, fiances, girlfriends, boyfriends... are. I just would like it if the government would give a damn and let them keep in touch more often then what they're given. Its not too much to ask. It really isn't. I just wish that the ones that can have an affect would do something, would really help out, so our loved ones who are fighting everyday while you sleep in a land of your freedoms will remain a land of your freedoms, hopes and dreams.
