Sarah Smile's blog: "Squeekenclean's world is CRAZY"

Hello...please understand that I have severe dreams that can make me wake at night in terror. If you are by any means easily sheepish to my words below please turn back now. Although, I am a huge horror film fanatic it really does not cause my nightmares but it can tend to be brought on by medication. Make fun if you will but it's what helps me through day to day battles.

Maybe I should pray each night before I lay down to not have to suffer from such horrific thoughts...but I have grown accustom to them and realized they are a part of who I am. 

When dreaming a lot of people have tendencies to nightmare of falling, being chased but mine tend to be real life situations which cause me all the more worry. To give a little synapses of what it could be is...waking one day to realize I have a child and in real life I have not had one of my own. But in this it becomes a struggle to be with my family because all are loving and helpful except one my older sister and her friends who for some reason hate me and think I am a horrible mother and should have all my rights taken away. I plead I scream that I am doing the best I can. For an odd reason there is not a father to whom I can rely on for help for the baby. So it plays out into fighting each moment to do what I know is right as for my child, then when I wake I wonder what or who could I be relating this child to. Don't get me wrong I love my older sister and we do have a lot of differences but I look past those and she I don't think realizes the importance of having a bond between siblings.

I plan to write more as they come...this might not have made a lot of sense but when I do share please be respectful that these are something I cannot control but want to put into words. 

Comment if you will. Thanks.