Over 16,540,313 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
So in my manic attempts to be a fun and winsome step mom I signed onto the committee for the children's Santa Ball Luncheon @ work. Planning and plotting begin- wicked crazy fun cool stuff in bloom. Costumes purchased. I laugh (suckers!) Am drawn to Gingerbread man full body foam-y suit with the primary desire to scream giggling "Not my gumdrop buttons" & "You monster!". Was rebuffed in that eerie Jedi way by the panel of uber mom. (Jedi being that it takes about 4 hours to go- "Oh man- that's my dick in the dirt"...) Minutes of meeting come out and to my horror and dismay realize that I was elected Santa's special helper elf. Ummmm ok. I'm 6'0", and amazon with an array of tattoo's and funky dyed black hair. Why me? Tonya claims irony. Jen claims Sadism. I'll be Elf-zilla, if only for the curly toed belled shoes that tinkle jingle ring as I walk. Oddly it seems that I have convinced a vast majority of the Polish mafia to bring their lil' people with the lure of Lizzzylock elfzilla & child pics. (I don't get it either...) Scott's coming to take pictures to commemorate my elfy goodness. I've decided to embrace the "Buddy" elf attitude and just be as frantically merry as possible. Fueled by gingerbread lattes, and candy this should be an attainable goal. 
