I'm probably not going to be a popular guy after writing this but then again, I don't particularly care.
First, let me tell you a bit about where I'm coming from so that you don't misunderstand me. I'm a C.O. by profession (hopefully, not for too much longer) and I'm trained in dealing with people on a professional level. By my training, I'm supposed to be firm, fair and consistent. In my six plus years of working as a C.O., as many reviews as I've gotten, I'd say I've done a damn good job of doing just that. Now, I'm like any of you out there, I'm not a robot. I've had some moments where the professionalism didn't work and, I must admit that sometimes you gotta go outside the book. For example, if one of my guys has never given me a problem and has always been helpful in the dorm where it has been much-needed, I'm apt to grant a concession or two every blue moon. Hey, it's good to have allies sometimes and having a decent source of good information (yep, got some rats) helps ME to keep that particular dorm safe. Then again, on the flip side, those that constantly give me shit about how I run the dorm...I'm less likely to grant concessions. Why? Human nature. Nagging, insulting, arguing and generally being a pain in the ass when I'm trying to make my operation run smoothly...well, that gets the wrong kind of attention and it puts a real cramp on my stinkin' day. I don't deal well with that.
Now, on to the matter at hand...Paris Hilton. This news sideshow has irritated me to no end. I've tried to keep my mouth shut about it but now, I just can't. I have to say something and present a few solutions to this problem which has reached pandemic proportions.
First let's clear the air about two things:
1. County Sheriffs run jails. Even if the deputies caught you red handed at something, the county sheriff can walk up to your cell and let you out and tell you to just go home. That's his or her jail...they can do that.
2. Judges run courtrooms and nothing else. They can make a hell of a jail sentence for you but if the sheriff sees that the place is overcrowded and you're low on the priority list of risk evaluation, they can let you go even if it gets in the judge's craw. The judge can then explode into a fit of rage but, as the Russian saying goes, "Toughshitski, Tovarisch."
Now, on to the heart of this matter:
1. Paris Hilton was rocketed into the public eye, not because of the fact that she's heiress to the Hilton Millions but because of her constant party lifestyle. When you're a public figure, you live under a microscope. You fall into two categories; A. Loved by one and all, a role model, iconic or iconoclastic or B. Hated by many. Paris has lined herself up into both. Many young teenage girls would give anything to be in Paris' place. That, to me is unfortunate. I'll go more into that later.
2. Paris Hilton was rocketed into the public eye because of her constant party lifestyle. This means that she gets intoxicated (legally speaking) any time she attends a party and proceeds (possibly) to consume my share, your share and her share of the booze that flows like open tap water at these parties. If ya ask me, she's probably buying it.
3. Paris Hilton will never know the true value of a dollar as she never has to work. Most would agree that that's a thinly-veiled way of saying she's a spoiled brat and I would have to say you're right.
4. Paris Hilton will never know the true value of an actual friend as she's bought so many.
5. Paris Hilton is not receiving a 45-day sentence for the DUI she got...she got probation for that, she violated her probation...that's what she's getting the 45-day sentence for and the thing is, she violated it nearly right out of the gate. The rhetoric about the sentence being "excessive" is complete crap. Some of us whom may have been in this particular pickle only WISH that was what we got for that type of offense. Then again, most of us might have completed our probation without incident.
6. Paris Hilton has been chauffered around more in the past two weeks than ever before. Perhaps if she had done that sooner, she might have even skated the initial arrest.
7. From what I've seen, Paris Hilton doesn't even care about her entourage much less anyone but herself and her public image.
8. Final point...I've talked about this on the show and, while it may sound sexist, blame the law, not me. I didn't write them and I really don't care to enforce it any longer than I have to. If a man goes to jail and gets out, he still has some options. They're not much, but there are options. I think things could be more effective but, as I've said, I don't write the rules. When a woman goes to jail and gets out there are even fewer options. Prison on the other hand, is far worse a fate due largely to the fact that the same thing applies but successfully completing parole is even worse because of the lack of options. What does this mean to Paris Hilton? Not a thing. She's going to come out and still be heiress to that chain of hotels, she'll still have money, she'll still have people who have a crush on her, girls that want to be her, etc.
Now, I have some solutions to this problem but let's put the media fiasco to bed. No one wants to hear these solutions but I have them.
1. Did the judge overstep his boundaries? Best believe it! Discipline him for it. Show him his place and stick him squarely in it.
2. Did the sheriff do what he thought was right for the overcrowding of the jail in Lynwood? Sure! I'm not saying that we should give him a medal but I don't think that this is something of great concern to us. Only thing I'm saying in this case is he should be a gnat more careful of the message it sends to people when he lets someone like that out, low-risk or not.
3. Send Paris Hilton up the river...yeah, state time. Lil Kim did a year for lying on the stand. You don't see a recording studio going batty and turning her next album down. Let her do 45 days worth of state time. What that does is it keeps the jail from getting overcrowded. The Sheriff won't have to worry about her and, furthermore, the judge will be well within his sentencing rights to ensure that the entire length is being served.
4. Paris Hilton can do her time like any other person in her predicament would have been made to do. The public at large can get the same sentence and you won't see anything like what happened to her happen to any of us. Better believe that someone without her money might have even entered a plea bargain to get twice the amount of that time. Better yet, this kinda nightmare will drive the point home with her, something that probation SHOULD have done. The preventative measures didn't work, maybe the pound of cure will.
Now, understand something. I don't like my job as much as I used to. I can see it's not really helping some people to straighten out. There are those that it does help but if the public sees what happens when celebrities get it in the neck when they've done something like that and have approached it with the attitude in the Entirely Wrong spectrum, perhaps some of these public figures will get the idea to shape up or get shipped off. Let's make something clear...illegal is still illegal no matter what position of power you're in or how much money you have (or don't as in our cases) and take the sum total of the equation of those above the law to what the mathemeticians call Absolute Zero.
For those of you interested in a little food for thought, the only people above the law sit on Grand Juries and Trial Juries. If you would like to prove me wrong on that, go look it up and if you find something contrary to that, let me know.
And for those who don't believe me when I said she's a spoiled brat, go have a look at her mugshot and tell me she's not smirking.
