Excerpt from my book: (still haven't titled it)
monolog from SYlvia Jacobs
I guess it's pretty much come down to me realizing that life is a joke. That it is actually indeed very pointless.
A big test that we in general as a race of humans are so tragically failing. Guess the people upstairs are having a good "I told you so" laugh on our behalf.
"Survival of the fittest? A quiter never wins and a winner never quits? What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger?"
Well what happens when you just don't have the strength to go on anymore?
When you just don't have the will to survive?
When your problems get just as bad as the others?
There are so many cliche`s in life.
How often do you sit with "what if's" and "had I done's"
Well as I like to say. 'If ifs and ands were pots and pans my ass'd be a kitchen sink!"
I so deperately spend my days wishing that I could hit some magical 'reset' button to restart my life at the very moment I realize that I had made a terrible mistake.
Life has no 'repeat buttons and unfortunatly it isn't a game of cricket where we can call a much deserved 'do-over'.
Reality if indeed that's what we are living in. Is grey to me. There is no black and white. Things are so shadey inbetween and I find myself drifting into that fantasy world. It's so much more peaceful, so much more serene. So much more...me.
Nonsense I know most would think. But that's just my way of dealing with the cards I was dealt. Some how knowing that my down fall is inevitable.
You're told your life is planned out for you by some mighty power up above; although it seems like my destiny has been premeditated by the evilest of evils. You do what you're told and you live right and you go to Heaven.
I can be the first to tell you that I am no angel and I have done my fair share of dirt. Yet; I feel as though I'm at the very moment living in Hell so I have lots of faith that when I do die I am most assured a place in Heaven. So one would assume.
And even with this embedded into my thick skull, I still have this fear that, Maybe it does indeed get worse'
