ValenciaDeBBW FuEngaged to Pipernutz116's blog: "Thoughts, writtings, letters never sent"

Expressions of Me

There are so many things I need to say,

I must put them into words.

You left me standing in tears that day,

And now I am disturbed.

I’ve become a freak,

I know I’m scorned and jaded.

The boards of my soul creek,

The men around me hated.

With every word, hateful or complimentary,

My blood boils more and more.

I feel I could enter a monastery,

Yet my behaviors like a whore.

The word “love” means nothing,

Coming from a man.

Sometimes I think I feel something,

But it never lasts or stands.

You taught me I was ugly,

Unacceptable, undesired,

And I believe with every part of me,

I cannot be admired.

Friends, though they’re well meaning,

Can never understand,

That when I am demeaning me,

It’s my way to take a stand.

To admit the mirror is right,

To agree to what you’ve said,

Gives me power in your plight,

My heart’s among the dead.

Will it ever be brought to life again,

Part of me hopes not.

For if I feel and hurt then,

My fate is done and bought.

And I wish I’d never known you,

Because I’d never have done it differently,

I never could have denied you,

Not with all the will in me.

The part you played was flawless,

I could never have competed,

I would have taken lawlessness,

To be at your side seated.

The anger starts to bubble,

And I remember all my rage,

Then comes on the trouble,

When they make me center stage.

Never again will I see me as beautiful,

No innocence in me,

You’ve broken me til pitiful,

To the lowest of degrees.

I delve into my work,

God please send me what I need.

So I don’t have to think about this jerk,

And at least for a moment, I’m freed.