JT's blog: "friends"

WORLD PEACE > > Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American Engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. > > "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total" says the Genie. > > The Canadian farmer says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." > > Pooooof! With a blink of the Genie's eye, th e land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. > > Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want an impenetrable wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran with all believers of Mohammad inside and all Jews, Americans, and other infidel forever outside our precious state. > > Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries. > > The American engineer asks, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall". The Genie explains, "Well, it's 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds these countries. . it's virtually impenetrable. Now what is your wish?" > > The American engineer smiles and says, "Fill it with water." > > Pooooof! > > WORLD PEACE!!! >

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. "I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. "Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait." " That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged .. it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing."

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: ll ll "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter "Want coffee." The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto! ll We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and proudly says .. "Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what..... >> >> A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became >>friends. >> Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered >>that they both >> brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the >>fourth and fifth >> grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken >>sandwich. >> He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it >>anymore?" >> She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it." >> >> "Why?" he asked. >> She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little >>feathers down there!" >> "Let me see" he said. >> "Okay" and she p ulled up her skirt. >> He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more >>chicken." >> He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut >>butter. He said >> to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm >>starting to get feathers >> down there too!" She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his >>pants for her! >> >> She said "Oh, my Gosh, it's too late for you! You've already got the >>NECK and GIZZARDS!!!

personally DO NOT want this coin in my possession. I will ask for the dollar bill instead. Thanks pass it on. You guessed it 'IN GOD WE TRUST' IS GONE!!! Today I picked up at Bank of America several of the new $1.00 coins with the picture of George Washington on it. To my shock and dismay the words, "In God We Trust", are not on this coin! A quick search of the other coin denominations in my collection confirmed that every one contained these faithful words. The new George Washington $1.00 coin is the first money ever issued by the USA in modern history without the words "In God We Trust". By omitting these words, our politically correct, secularist leaders made a conscientious decision that either; 1) God does not exist, or 2) that God exists, but can no longer be trusted. Who originally put 'In God We Trust' onto our currency? My bet is that it was one of the Presidents on these coins. All our U.S. Government has done is Dishonor them, and disgust me!!! I am personally offended and fed up with the denigration of God and Christianity in my country. I am certain George Washington would never have agreed to his picture on the coin if it any way diminished faith in God. What can we do to show our displeasure? First of all, let's boycott the coin. Do not ask for it at banks. If it is given to you in change ask for dollar bills instead and tell the person why. Write your Senators stating your displeasure. Finally, if you agree, pass this e-mail on to others. Collectively, we must send a strong message to those secularists who are trying to remove God from our culture. If we do this, some 300 million $1.00 coins will back up and rot in the supply chain! To God be the glory! Together we can force them out of circulation. Please send to all on you mail list !!! BESIDES...WHO WANTS TO BE WEIGHTED DOWN WITH THESE!

THE SNEEZE >> >They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the >> >already crowded auditorium With rich maroon gowns flowing and the >> >traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt. >> > >> >Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away >> >tears. >> > >> >This class would not pray during the commencements----not by choice, but >> >because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it. >> > >> >The principal and several students were careful to stay within the >> >guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and > challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one > asked for blessings on the graduates or their families. >> > >> >The speeches were nice, but they were routine.....until the final speech >> >received a standing ovation. >> > >> >A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and >> >silent for just a moment, and then, it happened. All 92 students, every >> >single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED!!!! >> > >> >The student on stage simply looked at the audience! and said, 'GOD BLESS >> >YOU, each and every one of you!' And he walked off stage... >> > >> >The audience exploded into applause. The graduating class found a unique >> >way to invoke God's blessing on their future with or without the court's >> >approval. >> > >> >Isn't this a wonderful story? Pass it on to all your friends.........and >> >GOD BLESS YOU!!!! >> > >> >In God We Trust, United We Stand. This is a true story; happened at the >> >University of Maryland. It's inspiring .

Theodore Roosevelt's ideas on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907. "In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all! We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people." Theodore Roosevelt 1907 Every American citizen needs to read this!

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , formerly known as California . White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq ,Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon ). Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights. Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines. Now, send this to whomever you want to and as many as you want and guess what.... (and this is the best part) NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile

Governmentium A major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium. Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

CELL PHONE VS. BIBLE I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phones? What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets? What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it? What if we flipped through it several times a day? What if we used it to receive messages from the text? What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it? What if we gave it to kids as gifts? What if we used it as we traveled? What if we used it in case of an emergency? This is something to make you go...hmmm...where is my Bible? Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don't ever have to worry about our bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill!