Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius, he say: "Shit happens".
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, take another hostage.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
Wiccan: As it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", Section 2, Chapter 4, p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: (Knock) (Knock) "Shit happens."
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama ding ding.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke dis shit!
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half of the time.
Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
Satanism: SNEPPHA THIS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.
