>> Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to
>>the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she
>>replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker
>>commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
>>
>> ____________________________
>> Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And
>> what
>
>>do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She
>>simply replied, "No peer pressure."
>> _______________________________
>> The nice thing about being senile is you can hide
>> your
>
>>own Easter eggs.
>>
>>__________________________________________________________
>> I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries,
>> a
>
>>hip replacement, new knees fought prostate cancer and diabetes; I'm half
>>blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different
>>medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have
>>bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet
>>anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends but,
>>thank God, I still have my driver's license.
>> _______________________________
>> I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
>>so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start
>>exercising. I decided to take an aerobics c la ss for seniors. I bent,
>>twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. By the
>>time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
>> _______________________________
>> An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told
>>her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated,
>>and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the
>>preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll b e sure my daughter's
>>visit
>
>>me twice a week"
>>
>>____________________________________________________________
>> My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my
>> memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
>> _______________________________
>> Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the
>>wrinkles fill out.
>> _______________________________
>> It's scary when you start making the same noises as
>>your coffeemaker.
>> ______________________________
>> These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart
>>says, "For fast relief."
>> ______________________________
>> Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow
>>old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
>> ________________________________
>> --- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to
>>forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run in to the
>>ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
>>
