Happy f-ing evening, wooden sex puppets, and welcome to HackFest, where reading will send you straight to Hell. Name's Law, and today, fart toads, we'll be talking about relationships. Why, you ask? Because you touch your dog in its no-places at night, I answer.
It seems nowadays, more than anything, people are looking for that special someone. However, what pisses me off is that all these people always settle for the WRONG PERSON. Especially guys that they meet online. They feel that it's better to meet Mr. Crack Addict than Mr. Nice Guy. To add further insult to injury, when a nice guy does show up in their lives, they immediately reject him with the same statement: "You're too nice." Horsepucky, I say. Pure, raw, ozone-destroying horsepuckey.
To the men currently scoping and scraping the Internet for the one chick that's going to bang you with no restrictions, LAY OFF THE THORAZINE!! Better yet, take a whole bottle all at once and throw up your vital organs down an angry biker's throat. Women, contrary to popular belief, are NOT all hoe-bags, and wouldn't touch your member if you paid them all the gold and diamonds that exist. Even the most amoral women have their standards. Furthermore, stop with the bad pick-up lines. It's bad enough that women have been offered sex since they had boobs, but to further insult their intelligence by offering them cheesy compliments and undertoned conversation? You people really just need to be sexually assaulted by steroid-injected female gorillas in heat.
To the women out there strutting around on the Interest looking for the next John Doe to poke them in the nether-regions, look at my last post. Women like you give good women a bad name. You say you want attention with your picture, but when a man meets you it's a different story all together. You suddenly develop morals and standards so impossibly high or so insanely stupid that you scare away any men that even were slightly honest with their feelings for you. If you have morals, don't have your tits out on the Internet. If you don't have morals, post on AdultSpace or something. Real people, people that aren't interested in flesh-peddlers, are waiting to meet real people. They sure as sh*t don't want to be caught dead with Slutty McWhorecunt.
That's all I needed to say. Read the next post or be snuggled to death by vampiric baby llamas. Ta.
