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Had VERY BAD day I do not know if I can handle this anymore! I say, I can, I will, I won't give in, I won't give up, because, I DO feel it,(mostly)..... BUUTTTT.. How much more of this, for how long am I going to have to do still? I also KNOW my problems could be worse. NO SHT! That is so NOT the point! Cuz,THIS IS worse!
I feel like a led brick building is on top of me! I can't breathe, think, talk, act! (much less, remain positive, & even still think I'm doing the right thing!) It seems all I actually CAN do is hold back my reactions,my emotions.. The problem with this method is, now I am beyond overloaded & now,,my REACTIONS are the RESULT of being drowned in this mess.
So, yea, I made MORE mistakes, yes, I fked things up AGAIN.& yes, all it did was make the shty situation even worse! (oddly enough, never would have thought it possible) Well fk! Doing this ALL ALONE is harder than it EVER was before! I am used to doing things alone, I have most of my life. Alone is all I know. I am a mom, simple,but alone in every other aspect.. I mean yeesh! Will anyone just give me one, just ONE little break? ONE morsel of hope? ONE reason I am even bothering to fight any of this still? Cuz all I see.. is ONE answer.. STOP.. because, deep down, don't I know,won't it be best?
Fighting against the monster for the sake of the innocent, HOPING to know what's best..Ahhhh, but, that lil innocent, is NOT as innocent as ppl think.. & maybe, just maybe, HE may be the one who gets to ultimately decide? (without knowing that of course)Cuz right now, NO ONE,,,NO ONE AT ALL, is even bothering to listen to me, with the intent of actually helping ME! seems even the official professional of it all is headed to the same conclusion.SOOO, thanks Monster, you have done your job, your purpose in life, your reason for being..Your wish was granted, you are going to get your way.. HELL< you're getting EVERYTHING YOOUUU WANT NOW! ..
OH good grief! I need to stop venting so vaguely.. but TRUST me! It is the ONLY way that ANYTHING will come out of me right now.. EVERYTHING IS VERY,VERY JUMBLED,MIXED UP,MESSED UP, FKED UP,! Yep!!! JUST LIKE this post! .. no wonder not a damn thing will probably make ANY sense AT ALL... just MORE ranting of a crazy ass dumb ass btch OOHH.. wait... this will all be so ultimately PERFECT for certain ppl inparticular to use against me!.. Hell, they seem to find out sht anyway..SO FKEM! THIS IS ME,THIS IS WHO I AM AT THE MOMENT! I am sooooooo TIRED of pretending!.. LATA peoples!.. THE END ! (YES FINALLY! ) well, for now.... hmm.....
