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This is a e-mail from my oldest of three sons....his name is Lance and he is 21 yrs. old.... hey mom: (AKA The Worlds Greatest Mother) I just wanted to let you know that you mean a lot to me mom. I really appreciate all the good things you have helped me accomplish in life and for always being there for me. I don't know what I would do with out you. You are a big piece of my life and the most important. Who could ask for a better mother. I know that we have gone through some hard times but you and I have always stuck by one another's side and that means a great deal to me. I know that you feel like you probably wrong or wished you could have raised us differently, but I am going to prove to you that you are a great mother and that you raised us kids perfectly. Do not ever look at how Dusty and Josh have turned out as a reflection of you, if that was true I would be like that wouldn't I? Life is about choices and you have taught me that people make good ones and bad ones. Eventually they will grow up. Mom I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate you a great deal, it breaks my heart and makes me cry about how you dont eat all that much I know the reason why but it puts pain on my heart to not be able to help that like I want to. I feel so sad about that. I wanted to let you know that you are the first person I pray for befor I goto sleep and I pray for god to make some good moves in your life like you have done in mine. One day mom, One day things are going to be different then things are now I promise things will be much better and I will bust my butt to make sure I get my education and a decent career so I can take care of the person I love the most in this world, My Mother. I hope this has brought up your spirits mom.. all I wanted this to let you know is that I care about you dearly. Sincerely, Your Oldest & Loving Son Lance
My responce..... Dear Lance, I just wanted 2 respond 2 u'r e-mail 2 me & 2 let u know that I Love you very much. I am feeling remorseful & shamed @ some of the things that I did as a mom bringing u up. The things I allowed 2 go on in front of u & u'r brother's instead of protecting u, 4 not nurturing u as a special young boy u were & accepting u as a young man that u r now. 2 think I said "jokingly", i wish i could just run away, that u boys would of been better off w/out me in u'r life & @ times push back"!!!!! That should not have even been thought of, much less been said, it was silently telling you that I was not accepting of the choices & decisions I have made for myself. I have been doing a lot of soul searching the last year or so & am now spending time writing in my journals with the hope that 1 day when u boys get them it will better help u 2 understand where I was @ that time in life & maybe im hopeing u boys will be able 2 forgive me for the choices i made @ the time. I am absolutely devoted 2 my new life change & tring to embrace the energy & love from the ones closes 2 me 2 help me realise why I did some of the things I did. I guess I don't have 2 jot down all the details, I am sure @ times u r haunted by some of the life's jolts that has been dished out by dysfunctional adults, who even though they meant all the best 4 u, just plain made the wrong choices. I know this is not the end of our conversation, perhaps just the start of some real deep wonderful restoration work between u & I. (the other 2 can deal with their issues when their ready), but I have 2 & want 2 be open & honest with u, no holds barred so u & I can get beyond the past & look tword the future in a healthy & happy way. I am not sure how u will take this or what emotions will arise, but just know this also, if it is tears, anger, just feel free 2 express them in a healthy atmosphere. I am not sure what I projected 2 u as far as emotions being shown were concerned, but I hope I am not too late in saying I love you Lance with all my heart & I hope 2 b a better, more open & sensitive mom 2 u in the future. In finishing this part, just know I have forgiven myself 4 the heartache I have put u through, but I also hope & pray that 1 day u can forgive me 4 the part I have played in damaging your "little boy" inside u, in other words u'r heart. I love u !! eternally, mom kisses and hugs P.S. Ty for always knowing what to say and just when i needed to hear it.......I luv u !!!!
