"you can sew your lips shut with your heartstrings cause God knows you don't need them to hold yourself together. But don't look down because I don't know. Falling is fatal from this hieght I know I should have never held you up this high." - "Pin-Up" by Evans Blue
I feel like I do sew my mouth shut with my heartstrings. I think this is why this song speaks to me. Issues have arose within myself once again. I don't know how to believe in myself. I believe in my my brain power and I know I can succeed at writing. BUT in my looks I don't think that will ever happen. I don't make myself approachable by guys that I think are good looking. I do talk to guys that I think are good looking sometimes but I am automatically thrown into the "sweet girl" category and there is no chance with them. I have said this time and time again I am the shy girl that will never be able to just walk up to anybody and express my feelings, wants, needs or desires to them. I have never thought of myself as even remotely decent looking even when I was the skinny girl. I don't know how to change this. I have a friend that is a photographer and he said my eyes are what have it and they can be dangerous. He wants to take professional pictures of me cause he seems to think that if I see myself in those types of pictures I might see my outer beauty. I told him that I doubt that would even work. He knows I know I have inner beauty but I just don't think it radiates itself to the outside. I doubt I will ever see myself as pretty enough to get the guy I want. I know it isn't all about the looks but in today's society when you are judged first by that then maybe if you are worthy enough you might get talked to I doubt I will ever be worthy. I hate pouring my heart out for all to see but if I don't I feel like I will explode. I know someone out there has felt the same and will give me some helpful insight. I love you all!! ~HUGS & KISSES~ Till next time!!
