kbrooker's blog: "Ramblings"

Well, sometimes it takes a stark reminder of who your friends really are and who you are truly close to and whom cannot be trusted. there comes a time in all our lives when we must stand up for ourselves and shout "Enough is enough!"

You see "friend" Recently spent 4 months lieing to me, every single day, playing the victim and the damsel in distress... Now what you need to realize is that I will always try to be the knight in shining armor, often times to my own detriment. If someone I care about says they need me i will do anything i can to be there for them no matter the cost to myself or the risk. Hell brandi can attest to that i picked up and went to Tennessee few years back because she said she needed me... anyway moving on... This person told me how baddly her ex was treating her, how he was a horrible dom how he neglected her and how its been over a year since he touched her intimately and so forth. I did my best to be there for her but there were flags that were raised here and there, my feelings kept telling me there was more than met the eye but i did my best to ignore it and be a good friend and be in her corner. Over the months I basicly made a fool out of myself, I trusted her even though my instincts were telling me not to... I opened up and let her get closer than i ever should have.

The irony of course is that all this time she kept telling me how she couldnt trust me because in the past some almost 7 years ago i cheated on her. Alot changes in a person in that many years... I learned my lesson from that and well quite honestly i have done a great deal of growing up. I like to think I am a good man, I am loyal and caring, tender, affectionate, I will do anything i can to help those i care for no matter what. I forgive people for damn near anything... I protect them as best i can...

Anyway, So annalee telling me how she couldnt trust me, while lieing to me the entire time, ( yes again irony) was telling me she was dating some guy a while back and moved in with him after she had moved out of her parents house after returning from detroit, you see she went there to get with this guy she called "M" or El Jefe( The satanist dom who she had to literally run away from back home to her parents as she tells it because of how he treated her and so forth) Anyway so she said she dated this other guy and moved in with him and things went baddly and they had broken up and were "room mates" and nothing more...

So her father dies(allegedly) a couple weeks back and she just disappears and stops speaking to me basicly out of nowhere.... anyway i beg her to just tell me the truth because i knew a while back that she had gotten back with the room mate( anyone who really knows me knows that i know things sometimes inexplicably) I knew what was going on but still gave her the benefit of the doubt AND an out by telling me the truth... I begged for it even... And she kept lieing to me... so she tells me friday that she needs some time a few days to get her head straight or whatever.... it was kinda an arguement but i agreed to do so, yesterday early early moring I decided i was going to write her a letter, both apologizing for trying to hard and to say good bye to her because some of the things she had said to / about me friday and other times had stuck in my mind and made me think... I will be posting a copy of the letter i was in the middle of writing later in another note... anyway when i logged into face book to send her the message i clicked on the messages icon at the top and suddenly saw that her last name was now middleton... now this clicked because i remembered the satanist guys last name who again she RAN from and at the time told me that he was absolutely horrible to her.... so i looked him up on here and sure enough BAMN they had gotten MARRIED sunday would be my guess....

WOW what a slap in the face... to be lied to like that for so long... even after begging for the truth pleading for it even... So naturally i kinda blew a gasket I was angry with her but more with myself for being such an idiot... For ignoring every warning bell that my instincts rang over the last few months... So i messaged her basicly asking WTF... and got told basicly that i should go fuck myself cause i make her life harder lmao and that she wasnt even going to tell me anyway basicly... what a bitch right? LOL anyway it was an interesting day...

Anyway moving on... so id been trying to reconnect with an old friend well my oldest friend and finally did yesterday... I gotta say i missed her like crazy... and her daughter too, it was so nice talking to them again... The girl is now in 7th fricken grade... WOW where does the time go i remember when she was in the womb still... So much lost time...

anyway i better get movin on my day lots to do... Ill write more later thanks for listening lol