Do you ever just have something kind of jolt you and make you wake up and realize...."Wowzas....I totally fucked up!!!!!!!!"
Well this morning I wake up pretty cheerful and like always sign on to check my morning emails. I see that I have one from someone that hasn't spoken to me in awhile. I should have just deleted the damn thing without reading it, but you know we never do anything sensible like that. So I open it and begin to read what the most ignorant, self centered, egotistocal, sorriest, most uncaring, dumbest mother fucking exscuse for a man has to say. The more I read, the more I can smell the smoke that is rolling out of my ears. I sat in total disbelief at the things I was being told. You know, what makes it so damned bad, was this was coming from a man that I once loved. A man that I almost gave up everything for. A man that I not only gave my heart to, but I gave my soul to. But in the end, I have come to realize that this "man" isn't a man at all. Yeah, the email totall pissed me off for awhile. Then I sat here, in shock I think with tears pouring down my face, and realized that this email was the best thing that had happened to me in a long time. It was a closure that I needed in my life to move passed a chapter that needed closure.
Sometimes in life it takes a rude and nasty wake up call to help us realize that we totally fucked up. And that is what I did. I fucked up. And my fuck up cost me alot of tears. Alot of sleepless nights, alot of pain and alot of regret. But I still hold my head high. I'm a better person because I learned my lesson. The hard way no doubt....but a lesson still learned.
So this rambling vent is for noone but myself. I'm not blaming anyone....not even him. Just so you know....I'm back to being cheerful. And a load is lifted off of my shoulders.
Smile....Make today the best day you've ever had!!
