COOL Quote: "I may be known as the girl who was sunbathing topless with a Prince but Jordan is known as that thick girl who always falls out of clubs drunk. I know which one I prefer." ~ Jenny Frost
Joke of the Week: SUNBATHING ON THE ROOF
Joan, a rather well-proportioned woman, planned to spend almost all of her vacation sunbathing. She found the ideal spot on the roof of her hotel. It was deserted and secluded, with a smooth, raised "deck" which received the sun all day long. She wore a bathing suit on the first day, but on the second, she decided that since no one could see her way up there, she would slip out of it and get rid of the tan lines on her back.
She'd been lying there on her stomach for a little while when she heard someone running up the stairs toward the roof. Startled, she didn't have time to pull on her suit, and since she was lying on her stomach, she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, Miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing up here, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit, as you did yesterday."
"YESTERDAY!" Joan exclaimed, rather irritated. "Have you been following me around? And besides, what difference does it make ANYWAY, since no one except a nosy assistant manager can see me? I'm on the top floor and I'm covered with a towel..."
"Well, that would be true," said the little man, embarrassed, "except for the fact that you're lying on the dining room skylight."
Bonus Jokes
The Beach Surprise
Sadie, a recently widowed lady, was reading a book whilst sunbathing on the beach in Tel Aviv. She looked up and noticed an elderly gentleman walking past. He placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began to read a book. Smiling, Sadie attempted to strike up a conversation with him.
"Hello," she began. "How are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" Sadie asked.
"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied.
"Do you live around here?" Sadie asked.
"Not far," he answered, continuing to read.
Sadie persisted. "Do you like pu$$y cats?"
With that, he threw down his book, jumped onto her blanket, whipped off both their swimsuits and made the most passionate love to her that she had ever experienced.
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sadie gasped and asked the man, "How on earth did you know that I wanted that to happen?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
Sunbathing On The Beach
A man was on the beach, sunbathing in the nude, when he noticed a little girl coming towards him. He quickly took the newspaper he was reading and covered himself with it.
"Hey, mister, what do you have under the newspaper?" asked the little girl.
"Just a bird," he replied. The little girl walked away and he fell asleep.
When he woke up, he found himself lying in a hospital bed in tremendous pain. The police asked him what had happened.
"I don't know," he groaned. "The last thing I remember is lying on the beach and a little girl asking me about my privates. Next thing I know, I'm here."
The police went to the beach to look for the little girl. When they found her, they asked her what she had done to the naked man.
She paused for a moment, then replied, "I didn't do anything to him. I was playing with the bird and it spit at me. So, I broke its neck, cracked its eggs and set its nest on fire."
Sunbathing Danger
A man with no arms and legs is sunbathing on a beach. He is approached by three beautiful women, who look at him with pitying expressions.
The first asks him if he has ever been hugged. He shakes his head and she gives him a big hug.
The second asks if he's ever been kissed. He shakes his head and she kisses him.
The third asks him if he's ever been fukked. He shakes his head, his eyes lighting up. "Well, you are now," she says. "The tide's coming in."
