People say that love doesn't hurt... if it hurts, it's not love... then what is this? Why does it hurt? What am I supposed to do with these feelings that I don't understand?Why is it once we are in a situation that hurts us and haunts us for what seems to be forever, do we keep putting ourselves in those same situations? Why are we unable to break the viscous cycle? Girls are taught from a very young age that if a boy hurts you, it's because he likes you. If you've seen "He's Just Not That Into You", you know exactly what I'm talking about. Why do we do this to each other? Why do we allow others who hurt us to have such huge effects on our lives? These are questions that run through my mind ever day, and I have yet to find the answers. Why can't life be as simple as we thought it was when we were little? Why can't I just live out the dreams of a 5 year old? All I wanted to do was marry my best friend, get a good paying job, have a son and daughter, and live the life it seemed my parents lived. As I grew up, I lost my best friend, I lost my good paying (or somewhat decent paying) job for reasons beyond my control, dated a bunch of losers who seem to have broken my heart beyond repair... it seems nothing in my childhood dream will come true. I try to surround myself with people who I think will treat me well and treat me with the love and respect I treat them with, but that seems to change on a daily basis. One day I'm a key feature in their life, the next I'm just a piece of furniture that is sitting there, waiting for them to come home to to get comfy on... I want to be there through thick and thin for those I love, is it really too much to ask that they do the same? Are people so oblivious as to what is going on around them to fail to see the pain in my eyes? the worry? the fear? I think back to the little girl I used to be... so immune to all the pain the world causes. I realize I am not that little girl anymore. The pain the world causes has huge effects on me. How is it possible that all of that doesn't matter? How can one hurt someone so much and not care at all? not feel one ounce of guilt for it? I try to remind myself over and over that I have not had it as bad as some of those out there... and it is for those people that I fear as well... how can people handle such traumatic events and still carry on every day? There is no place in this world for people without thick skin... so I am afraid I have to turn into one of those people. How? I have no idea. Hopefully it will get easier with each day that passes.
