Late night thoughts. — Saturday, October 21, 2006
Yah friday night, once again. I say " fuckit " One day isn't much different than the next. Ordinarilly I'd say I should be doing something fun because it's friday night. But why let the days control our lives? It's just another day, no more depressing than the previous one, or the one before that. ( No more depressing than the previous one especially since how I didn't have to go to school today, so lastnight was kind of like a friday anyway ) Why feel any worse for not having fun one day than another? It seems kinda discriminatory to wednesdays not to be as depressed on them. lol
Here's another of my various thoughts for the week. I seem to have some contradicory talents/behaviors or skills that happen or something like that. Laughter and Fear. I make people laugh a lot, but people are often afraid of me. Sometimes I think it's the same people, just not at the same time. It's like people will laugh, and then later think oh yah, I'm supposed to be afraid of that guy, why am I laughing with him or talking to him? People forget to be afraid of me when they actually get cought up in talking to me. But if I don't talk to them, or say anything that makes them laugh for a while, I'm that quiet creepy guy again who people look over their shoulder to see if I'm stalking them or something.
I also invoke anger sometimes too. I end up " making people look stupid " sometimes. I don't think I can make anyone look stupid who isn't. I think they do it themselves. But maybe that's just me not having the confidence in myself that other people do? Or maybe it's the lack of confidence in the person's self that think's I'm the one makeing them look stupid? Or just a natural tendency in people to never take responsability for their own actions. Whatever.
Various questions-
I'm sure you've heard all or most of these before, my mind plays out like a broken record.
1- I'm sick of people's attitude of " Why can't everyone be just like me? I'm just like me, so it can't be that hard. " It's hard to argue with the last part, if a totall idiot can do something, I sometimes wonder why can't I ?
2- Is it better to be an asshole to everyone than to have people end up likeing you and missing you? Does that really cause less pain in the long run? So is it rreally nicer to be an asshole?
3 - I've only eaten once today.. Now it is actually 2 am the next day. Should I eat before I go to sleep?
I'm kinda still awake. I been reading about DOMA stuff, and stuff asociated with it. I was going to do my paper on a topic concerning it. I don't remember exactly what the topic was that was listed. I may end up picking something else if I can't find the information on it though. It has to do with the constutionality of something by something. It's kinda specific. I been doing lots of reading today. I guess I'm just in that reading sort of mode.
I'm going to sleep soon. I'm hungry but I don't feel like cooking. So I might just have some milk or something. I went to the store and got a bunch of drinks mostly. I figured I still had turkey and sausage, and potatos and onions to eat as food. I probably should have got other things, such as salsa, and muffin mix. But I forgot. Wich sux, but I guess I may just go back another time. ( I'm sure ya'll wanted to know about my groceries and eating habbits... lol )
