A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report:
MOST HONORABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE
I WATCH HOUSE
HE COME TO HOUSE.
I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE.
I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL.
I CLIMB TREE.
I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE.
SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE.
SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE.
SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME.
FALL OUT OF TREE.
I NOT SEE.
NO FEE,
CHEN LEE.
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The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man of Your House."
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kinds of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The fuckin' funeral director would be my first guess."
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Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor, who tries a few things but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian Medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down, but be warned -- it will not work again for another year!"
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her, says,"123."
He suddenly becomes more aroused than ever before in his life ... Just as the medicine man had promised.
His wife, who had been facing away, turned over and asked, "What did you say 123 for?"
And that, my friends, is why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition.
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A week after their marriage, the redneck newlyweds, Ed and Wanda paid a visit to their doctor.
"You ain't gonna believe this, Doc," said the husband. "My thingy's turnin ' blue."
"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you." The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the redneck's "thingy" really was blue.
The doctor turns to the wife, "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed for you?"
"Yep, shore am," she replied brightly.
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
"Grape," she said.
