So me and my friend Eme (Mimi Bee) were just discussing he facts of life. You know: Life's a bitch and then you die, so why spend it doing things you hate? Why can't you find a career or occupation that you love? You spend at least 50% of your awake hours working. Why waste your living days doing things you don't enjoy, make you miserable or generally leve you feeling like each day has been a waste of your precious life?
I'm not saying we should all quit our jobs and do nothing all day. People have to work, else the earth wouldn't run. What I mean is, I believe there is a place for everyone. Take my friend Doug for instance: He works for the Transport department of our local Government and he LOVES his job. He loves talking about it and sharing useful information. He's proud that he knows most of the city's bus routes by heart. And good on him! He's found his little niche in the world.
Why can't the rest of us? Now my job, is not really that bad. I've had a lot worse. The pay's good, the holiday's good and the general morale isn't bad either. But I am not happy. I simply just don't want to be here. It doesn't feel right and I feel like I'm missing out on something.
I'm a writer, an arist, a musician, I don't belong in a lab. I want to use my natural deity-given talents, as I believe we are given them for a reason. They are the link to our rightful place in this world. They help us discover who we are and where we belong.
Eme is currently studying for her qualifications as a healer with the dream of making it her profession. So she's engorging herself in herbalism, crystals and chakras. She dreams of running her own business some day. Maybe I could join her. She seems interested in including the Wicca and witch side of things into the potential business. It's something I'd love to do. I could run a website with online seminars and information pages, maybe even an e-commerce section. I'd love that.
I'd love for James to just be able to quit his job and write his books professionally. It's what his soul wants to do. It makes him happy.
If all of that failed I'd love to write songs for people, just because I love to do it and I'm quite good with lyrics. I'd love to write a tv series and have several ideas for some. I'd love to be a novelist, because writing is my greatest joy and my best gift. I also love photography. I see beauty in so many things and I want to capture it, whether it's a flower or a telegraph pole. This is who I am.
The problem is, when you're 16 or 17 you are forced to choose a path to follow, either career or an area of education. So, without really knowing what you want from life you pick a path and you stick to it. You get a job or you go to College. Either way you end up in a career of some description and because of the way the world of employment works, with qualifications and experience dominating the hiring decisions, you're stuck with it. Then in your mid-twenties you're maturing and you finally work out who you are, where you belong and what you want from life. But you're stuck in this other path and you're too scared to jump off and try the new 'riskier' option because you're too afraid that it'll fail and you'll end up without any path at all.
It's easy to say: "take a risk, live life to the full, make that jump, follow your heart." But for the realists of us, we know that there are bills, Mortgages or rent to be paid. For some of us, there are children to consider. It's a nice dream, it really is. It's all dependant on whether you're willing to take the risk.
But there are many who say that for any true dream, the risk and the gamble is the price you have to pay for it. And that if it's truly what you want, if it's your true passion, then it is worth the risk.
Sigh.
All I know is that I feel like I am only in this job day to day because I have to be. If I had the choice, if money was no object, I wouldn't be here. I'm not saying that if I had the choice I wouldn't work, I'm just saying I wouldn't choose this. I'd choose the writing, or running the Spiritual Healing company with Eme. I'd run a website to help people with depression, or for bi-curious people who need help and advice. I'd do something I care about, something I feel passionately about.
I look around me every day and I see people passionate about their jobs and if not passionate, they are totally dedicated to it. People who take their careers so seriously it takes over from their home life. I am just not wired that way. Not about my work. I work because I have to. It's just who I am. It doesn't mean I'm lazy, it doesn't mean I don't care about my work, I do! It just means that my priorities are different. My family and my loved ones are my priorities. Finding a way to express myself and to just be myself, doing what I feel I was born to do. That's my priority.
A couple of years ago my sister slipped into a coma after her undiagnosed ME (chronic fatigue syndrome) got the better of her. I dropped everything to travel up there to be with her, my brother-in-law and my nieces. For a week she was unconcious, the doctors seemed convinced that she wouldn't wake up. But I knew differently. I knew she as still in there somewhere and that when she was ready she would come out of it. Much to the shock of the entire ICU staff, she woke up and was off all life support within 24 hours of them taking her off the drugs.
But during that week, that felt like months, I learned just how much my family meant to me and that I really didn't give a shit whether work had blown up in my absence. It was not my priority. They could have threatened to fire me, I would still not have left them.
Sometimes I wish I had a job that I did feel completely passionate about and was totally dedicated to. Like, for example, the people who work in film. Have you seen the documentaries on the Lord Of The Rings or King Kong DVDs? The people who work for Weta (Peter Jackson's effects, props company in new Zealand) are incredible. They are some of the most talented, creative people on the planet. There are artists, model-makers, computer special effects, lighting effects, prop-designers, costume design, crafts-workers, editors, film crew, the lot of them are completely dedicated to the job. They are so passionate that they spend days on end without rest just to get one tiny little thing perfect. The detail they work to, the hours they put in, the effort, the thought and care they take with their work is commendable. I watch those documentaries in awe and part of me is envious. I wish I could be so passionate about my job. And the thing is is, I know I could be, if only I had the right one.
But do I have the guts to make that leap? Is there too much at risk? Is it worth the risk anyway to reap the rewards? It's easy to tell someone to just "go for it!'. But in all honesty, how many of us would follow our own advice?
