Well I am sitting here and I am lost. Well baffled really. I have been booze free for 6 days now, which is a huge thing for me. And it seems that now that I am clean I am more alone than when I was out there boozing it up. I am devastated that it still consumes people I care a great deal about. So much that they have made the choice to keep boozing over keeping me.
Talk about craping on my heart. And what sucks is it is like they don't even care that they are doing this to not only themselves but to me as well. Like oh hummmmm no biggy I still Have the bottle and thats all I need to be happy. I guess what kills me the most is that I feel like I am not good enough to stop drinking for. But, as a boozer trying to quit myself I realize that it is a disease hat consumes your life and all in it. You say ur don't have a problem, i only do it every now and then. But in all actualality you do it daily. Any whooo. I just needed to vent a little bit.
It just kills me that when I was out boozing I was excepted, now that I am clean.....or at least trying to be, I am left alone. It is a very lonely place. But in my eyes it is worth it. My life is more important to me than boozing it up. I need me, and my son deserves a sober mom. Maybe someday he shall see that I was a good woman, and that all he had to do was walk away from the bottle. It could've been great.
But this to shall pass, and I know everything happens for a reason. I just wish I knew why.
