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Locating Her Clitoris
The first requirement of clitoral massage is knowing where your partner's clitoris is, and what it looks like and what it feels like when flaccid and erect. The only way to learn these things is to go exploring. With the lights on, have your partner undress; she may want to wear a comfortable shirt. She should then lay on a bed, sit in a chair, or sit on the bed while reclining on some pillows placed against the headboard. Make sure that you have easy access to her vulva while ensuring you are both comfortable. Sit or kneel so you are facing her, usually off to one side. If she is sitting in a chair or at the end of the bed, you may want to sit in a chair or kneel on the floor. You can also have her sit between your legs, both of you facing the same direction. You need to get close to the subject at hand. You may also want to have a light close by, or a flashlight, to illuminate her vulva so as to be able to see everything clearly. You will also want to have a small handheld or freestanding mirror available so your partner can see her vulva and clitoris, and what you are doing.
Start by examining her vulva as it looks normally, with her outer labia at rest. Gently examine everything with your fingers. Caress versus poke. Notice the softness of her skin and pubic hair and the color and texture of her skin. Caress her vulva with the flat of your hand, your fingers molding to her body. If your partner has a lot of pubic hair, you may want to trim it with scissors. There is no need to shave the pubic area. Then gently spread the outer labia with your fingers, examine what lies within. Identify her inner labia, clitoris, and urinary and vaginal orifices. She can also assist by holding her outer labia open with one or both hands.
If you cannot identify her clitoris, ask her if she knows where it is and can point it out to you. Because of the vast variations in genital anatomy, some individual structures may not be easily identifiable, for men as well as women. There are women who do not have inner labia, or have only one. A well-developed clitoris will be easy to see, but many are so small and hidden by surrounding tissue that a woman may only know where it is by knowing where it is most sensitive to her touch, where she rubs while masturbating. If you both have trouble locating the clitoris, look at the illustrations on the Anatomy pages.
Once you locate her clitoris, try to identify all it's different parts: shaftbody, glans, and hoodprepuce. Depending on the size and tightness of her hood you may not be able to retract it far enough to expose the clitoral glans. If this is the case, you may be able to feel it under her hood. If her glans is small, you may only be able to detect the shaft of her clitoris when she is erect, but not the glans itself. There are shafts that are very thin and hard to detect. In this case, you may only be able to identify it when you feel it become erect between your fingertips. She may be able to tell you when you have grasped her clitoral glans in your fingertips if you are not able to feel it. Be very gentle when examining her clitoris, most are extremely sensitive.
