I was thinking about something that I did, or should I more correctly say forgot to do, for a friend: I forgot to be there for her. She had lost a friend in Iraq, but I was too pigheaded to understand how close a friend that person was to her. I got so wrapped up in the whole military coldness that I hurt a person that I cared deeply about. I blame that event on losing her as a dear friend.
I go into surgery on Tuesday and I had to register with the hospital today. The administrator asked me who would be the next to kin to which I replied "In order to call for care or to pick up the corpse?" To my surprise, she laughed at that. I thought that she would be mortified at that statement, but I am glad that there are others with a morbid sense of humor.It made me think today that I have not cultivated a friend in my life that would mourn for me so were I to pass.
I wonder where and when I became so self-destructive.
