i love life! at the begining of the month i walked away from a 5 yr relationship. the first couple of years were good but then my ex girlfriend started to control me. she would go thru my stuff lookin 4 reasons to yell at me & search thru my phone 4 numbers she didnt know. she would find numbers that i had dialed, call them back and find that they were numbers to wal-mart or pizza hut. she then would get mad saying that i was seeing someone from there. I was not allowed to talk with any friends that i had and my relationships with my family suffered i had to ask permission to even go see my mama. then it got to the point to where she would not let me go places by myself convinced that i was cheating on her. we worked together and i wasnt allowed to speek to anyone we worked with unless she said so, no eye contact with anyone or she would think i was flirting with them. she then (just about 2 months ago) starting hangin out with a girl that we worked with. she would blush when she say that this girl was calling and flirt with her in front of me. she then started going places with her and leaving me home alone. u knew that our relationship had ended a long time ago but i couldnt find the strength to leave, i had worked to hard to get everything that we had! thats right i got everything 4 us she spent her money on things she wanted and i had to use my money 4 what we needed taking care of 2 dogs and a cat on top of taking care of her. that wasnt a big deal because i naturaly am a caring person and would take care of others be 4 myself! but the way she treated me and yelled at me 4 no reason her words hurt! i have in the past been in an abusive relationship and on several occasions i had told her that i would rather her beat the shit out of me than talk to me the way she did! i was worthless and she was only with me out of pitty 4 me and she was doing me a favor by being with me cuz no one else would want a fat bitch in their way! i should have been thanking her she would say. well the sat. before new years, i dont know where or how i found the courage to walk out but i left that nite and went to the bowling alley where i had spent so much of my child hood and knew many ppl. i had asked Mac if he knew troy's number. troy is a ex but has always been there 4 me whenever i needed him as long as she didnt find out so troy and i talked very seldom. anyway i called troy from the bowling ally and asked him to come down. see due to the fact that i wasnt allowed to go anywhere she would never think to look at the bowling alley since i hadnt been there since 2002. he came down and talked with me we then started bowling and the rest of the gang came. my old friends whom i had thought would never take me back in because of her. i had the most fun that i had ever had because i was free of her and the yelling and the fear of not knowing what i had done. i was able to be myself again confident out going and fearless! i had gone back home around 3am and nothing really happened but on new years eve she had me drop her off at a hockey game so she could be with this girl on new years. remembering how good it felt to be me. i went home, changed and headed to the bowling alley. since then i have moved out and in with my mom til i can find a place of my own. i give the gang all the credit 4 me leaving her i would have never had the strength if it wasnt 4 them! im kinda seeing this guy. he gives me attention and loves jst being in my company he listens and cares about what i have to say (even the stupid shit) i feel like maybe i am moving too fast it was only 3 weeks or so ago that i left her. and i dont feel bad or hurt that im not with her cuz like i said our relationship was over along time ago! im not exactly sure what i am supposed to do or how im supposed to feel but i feel good when im with Adam! i jst want to love life again!!
