>Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this
true?
>A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't
waste
>them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart
>will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the
life
>of
>your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
>
>
>Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and
>corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than
an
>efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
grain?
>Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
>vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended
daily
>allowance of vegetable products.
>
>
>Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
>A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
>that
>means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of
the
>goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
>
>
>Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
>A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If
>you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>
>
>Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise
>program?
>A: Sorry. Can't think of a single one.
>
>My philosophy is: No Pain........Good!
>
>Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
>A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil.
&g t;In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
bad
>for you?
>
>Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
>A: Are you crazy? HELLO!! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's
the
>best feel-good food around!
>
>
>Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
>A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
>
>
>
>
>Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about
>food and diets.
>
>And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention
>of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather
to
>skid in sideways chardonnay in one hand and chocolate in the other -
body
>thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming: Woo Hoo, what a
ride!
>
