Annelid's blog: "Ramblings,thoughts and assorted stuff"

Is there a litmus test one must take to indicate one is crazy? If so I'm curious to take it and see what the test says of me. I believe I'm slipping down that path to absolute kookiness. I talk to myself....alot. I haven't gotten any responses so I suppose that's a good thing.. right? Ever see the Terminator movies? When your looking through the Terminators eyes and theres a list of possible responses? A flow chart as it were? Thats the way my mind operates. Of course it's not efficient nor am I a titanium exo skeleton clad in flesh. It would be interesting though. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I was someone else. Or what if I wasn't around. I wouldn't be missed I suspect. Well maybe by AT&T, the local cable company and Guitar Center. Oh and the kitties, who would tend to them? I try to sleep and I can't. Maybe for a hr or so. Too many things are bouncing around in the old brain box. I can't recall a real good dream. A night of sleepy bliss. Actually I can but to think about those times just adds to my depression and sorrow. Which is so ironic (don't cha think?) because the one person who truly and I mean truly understood me isn't here. She lives far away. She knew all the skeletons in the closet. She knew all my proclivities. She knew and dealt with my mood swings. She knew of my shortcomings. I guess the old adage holds true, you never appreciate what you have until it's gone. Then I made the journey up here. Hindsight being 20-20...I shouldn't have. We should have just moved far away... but close enough to her loved ones. I hate it here. I'm can't work. I can't sleep at all. I've gone 3 days with less than 10 hrs of sleep. My diet (hah) is peanut butter on bread and warm bottles of deer park water. I smoke like a fiend. Everyone I meet (online of course) is far away. I'm here all alone except for the cats...whom I love. My heart hurts. I'm not getting any younger. I realized this is my fate. To end up as a miserable old bastard in a small apartment tending to his cats. So be it. Embrace the blah.