GBT's blog: "Just for fun!!!!"

LOL Military humor

To:  Private Shithead....a tribute to your continued stupidity,

Well thank goodness you've arrived! You're an 18yr old Dungeons &
Dragons nerd that barely scraped through boot camp, and now think you're
the toughest thing since a level 37 dark elf with a magic
staff.....congrat-u-fuckin-lations retard you've all ready made it on my
shitlist!

Perhaps it's the fact that you showed up today, your first fucking day
on the job I might add, late with no shave or a haircut. Or maybe it's
that your cammies are not marked and you're not wearing your belt.
Whatever the fuck it is, know now, that me and you are about to become
best a fuckin friends, there genius.

Mommy and Daddy think that you're a tough Marine don't they, there big
guy?
But I know the truth! You're an untested, undisciplined, lying, shit
stain who can't even keep a clean room or a good shave. You'll probably
end up going to medical to get out of Physical Training (but we both
know that when you troll the internet for girls you'll say you work out
and bench 1,000 fucking pounds).  And then medical will probably give
you light duty, for some stupid ass medical condition, that no-ones ever
heard of...."but Gunny, the doc says that my metamusel ligament is
twisted in a knot behind my left calf".

What the fuck ever fucktard, just know that when you get off light
duty....I plan on breaking you. The thought of me running you into the
ground makes me sleep content! I even get a slight smile at the thought.
Second, you'll probably get a DUI or pop on a piss test and give some
lame ass excuse like...."But Gunny somebody cooked the brownies, I
didn't know there was pot in them"

That's cause your a fucking dumb ass, Pvt Shithead....a fucking dumb ass
plain and simple.

Or you'll meet the first skanky, low self-esteem, no self-respect slut
that spreads her Herpa-syphilitis infected legs for you and you are
going to propose marriage after the first fuck. And then you'll say
something like...."but Gunny, we're different, I love her".

NO!!! Pvt Shithead you love her nasty vagina you lame piece of donkey
shit...that's what you love.  And she'll probably have 4 kids from 3
different dads (which by the way, 1 is still pending the results of a
DNA test on the Maury Povich show after the 15th appearance, but it's ok
because she's sure this one is the father just like she was with the
2nd, 3rd and 4th time on the show). Which, all of the douchebags are
either former military or ex-cons, and you'll probably say something
like...."but Gunny, her kids love me, I think I'm the first male
influence they have had in their lives".

Well good to fuckin go Pvt Shithead. Here I thought you were fuckin a
nasty, money-stealin skank, when really here you are the fuckin
hero....my apologies shit for brains.

Then you'll buy two 30,000 dollar cars (both of which need rims, and
sound
systems) and you're going to do it all on a 18,000 dollar a year salary.
Oh damn, I forgot the motorcycle your going to buy.  A 1000CC sport
bike, even though your dumbass never spent a day of your worthless life
on a bike.
Why are you going to do this Pvt Shithead? Cause you're a fuckin tard,
that's why. Then when you get so in debt that you can't pay your rent,
utilities, cable, or credit cards, your creditors are going to find me.
And we are going to sit down and do a financial worksheet (which you'll
lie on, so it doesn't fuckin help you anyway).

Then comes the DUI, Pvt Shithead. You spent your night at the bar,
getting wasted with the boys and trying to cheat on your wife, who by
the way is cheating on you that same night, and BAM! Red and blue
flashes in the review mirror. Now I'm asleep at home when my annoying
phone goes off and my kids start screaming at 2 a.m,  and guess who the
fuck it is?
NOOOOOO.....not fucktard?! Yes indeed it's him......crying, sounding
like a bitch, tossed in the drunk tank and awaiting me to bail him out.
Now you fucking cocksucker, I gotta call Company First Sergeant and
explain to him why my leadership failed you. I hate you shithead....I
really fucking hate you!

12,000 dollars, two lawyers, a divorce, and repo-ed car later, I see you
smoking a cigarette with your fellow fucking failures at life.  Sitting
there complaining about how the Corps fucked you. How you gotta pay
child support, your credits fucked cause you got NJP'ed and lost money,
and how you're an alcoholic and you blame it all on PTSD although your
retarded ass has never deployed. I hate you Pvt shithead, I fuckin hate
you with all my heart. The fact that you wear the same uniform as me,
grinds against my very being. The fact that I have to walk you through
life like you're a baby who's learning how to walk, makes me bitter with
rage. I wish I could kick you out Pvt shithead. I wish I could kick you
out into the street to find your own way, wherever the hell that is, but
just away from my Corps.....you fuckin fuck.

You can thank the M.O.A., which mommy is probably a proud member of,
along with some stupid fucking liberals for preventing me from breaking
your ass down shotgun style and taking a ratchet to your skull and
beating some damn sense into your brain housing group...because lord
knows I fantasize about that every fucking miserable day!

Signed,
You're pissed off, disgruntled Gunny, who's just waiting till you get
off light duty to fuck your world up with PT Sessions and inspections
out the ass