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Merritt, you have high confidence. Very High High Medium Low Very Low Percentage of Test Takers Confidence is the trait that makes people feel self-assured and certain that they have what it takes to be successful. You have high confidence. As a result, most of the time you probably feel quite stable and emotionally calm. However, it's not unlikely that there are also times when you feel insecure or overwhelmed by stress. When stressful things happen, try to maintain your perspective and avoid emotional extremes. Remember that you can choose to look on the bright side of any situation that presents itself. Chances are you already know how to snap yourself out of negative patterns of self-doubt when they happen. You may just need a little push in the right direction to be encouraged to do it. Because of your usual high level of self-acceptance and belief in yourself, you're generally open and accepting of others. This graciousness can include a tendency to be warm to those around you. It can also mean that you reserve your judgments of people until you get to know them well. People who come in contact with you likely appreciate this generous nature and may seek out your company. When it comes to dealing with yourself, you're usually equally kind. You're not really one to engage in self-blaming behaviors. You'll usually cut yourself some slack when it comes to feelings of guilt and shame. In most situations, you appear to understand that positivity is a more productive approach to life's challenges. However, even with high confidence, you're going to experience off days. Whether due to adverse judgments made by others or unreasonably high expectations for yourself, sometimes you're bound to feel vulnerable, insecure, or hurt. When this happens, be gentle with yourself. Confidence can be a great personal strength to help get you through rough times. But remember that for this trait to thrive, you need to feed it with love and acceptance of all your positive and negative attributes, as well as your mistakes and your successes. Strive to avoid being a fair-weather friend to yourself. When you take advantage of it, your high confidence can be an energetic force that propels you to enjoy your life and succeed in reaching your goals. It can also help you to make significant contributions to those around you, including your family, your friends, and your community. Use this positive force to make the most of every day, which will provide you with a sense of inner peace and happiness. Your confidence level The building blocks of confidence Self-esteem Perceived competence The five perceived competence scales How you present yourself Finding the more confident you Research behind the test For More Reading Tickle's test measures the two primary components of self-confidence: (1) Your self-esteem — how much you like yourself (2) Your perceived level of competence — how capable you feel The combination of these two elements makes up your overall confidence score. Looking into each of these pieces more deeply will help you understand why your confidence score is high. It will also help you uncover self-perceptions that may be affecting your confidence level. Take note that your confidence level is a very changeable measure. You may even be able to think of a time in your past when you were distinctly more or less confident than you are today. You can improve your confidence level by getting in touch with any negative feelings you have about yourself and striving to remove them. If you're not satisfied with your confidence score today, consider retaking this test after you've had time to practice the strategies our experts recommend. You may find that your results dramatically increase the second time around. All the same, realize that some of your more ingrained tendencies may take months or even years to change. Do your best to be patient and give yourself time to improve. When experts refer to self-esteem, they're talking about: How much you like yourself How kind you are to yourself How much acceptance you have for yourself Besides these important factors, self-esteem can affect how well you treat others and how your aspirations and fears tend to take shape. It is because self-esteem touches so many areas of your life that it is such a powerful force. Yet a notable quality regarding self-esteem is that it doesn't always have much to do with the reality of your life. Instead, it's based on your perceptions: How do you feel about who you are, what you do, and what you have? These are the questions that are important in determining self-esteem. You may have heard before that the presence of love creates more love. When it comes to self-esteem, the first person you need to love is yourself. Once you possess a genuine love for yourself as you are, you can more easily share your love and happiness with those around you. In most cases, those people will in turn become more open and loving toward you. In this way, the quality of your life can increase exponentially by simply thinking more highly of yourself. You don't necessarily need to be better at anything, nor do you have to spend a lot of money. You just need to begin making a commitment to yourself to appreciate your finer qualities and give yourself a break on your less admirable traits. This approach allows you to improve the areas of yourself that you want to be better, but to do so in a way that allows you to feel good about yourself every step of the way. What's Your Self-Esteem Score? 0 10 20 30 40 To help you better understand your present level of self-esteem, Tickle has employed the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale. This scale is one of the most widely used psychological instruments to measure this trait. The results of your personalized assessment are scored on a scale from 10 to 40, with 10 being a low score, indicating low self-esteem, and 40 being a high score, indicating high self-esteem. Your score on the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale is 33. This score is simply a reflection of your self-esteem at this point in time. If your self-esteem score is high, congratulations to you. However, if your score is lower than you would like it to be, you have no reason to feel shame or embarrassment. Remember, you have the power to change! By digging deeper into your self-esteem score, we can tell that one reason your self-esteem is high is because you have great self-talk habits. You appear to have a strong sense of self-worth that allows you to give yourself positive feedback and encouragement when you need it. In fact, you're likely the first person to give yourself a pat on the back when you've done something well. You also probably know how to tell yourself to "keep your chin up" in the rough times. Whether you're talking about yourself to others or just thinking to yourself, you seem to steer clear of negative words or ideas about yourself. After all, who needs all that negativity? The self-esteem spectrum Gayle and Judy are both stay-at-home moms. Judy loves this role and feels lucky to be living out her lifelong dream of raising her children. Because she enjoys and is proud of her life, she passes that love for herself onto her kids and the other people she encounters. She also proactively seeks out opportunities to deepen and strengthen her life's mission — raising happy and healthy children. Gayle, on the other hand, does not feel so positive about being a stay-at-home mom. She would rather be pursuing a career outside the home. However, she was brought up to believe that being home with her children was her duty. Gayle loves her kids and feels horrible about wanting to pursue other ambitions. She feels selfish and tells herself that she is a bad mother. Of course, none of this negative self-talk is true. This is simply Gayle's perception of herself and her life. Because Gayle has low self-esteem, she isn't as energized as she could be. She also misses out on the benefits of her current life and is often unpleasant to the people around her. Judy and Gayle represent two extremes of a similar life path. While Judy is fulfilled and feeling good about her life choices, Gayle is not. Instead, Gayle has accepted her unhappiness and turned the negativity in on herself in ways that are very damaging to her self-esteem. Ideally, Gayle should re-examine her priorities and find a way that she can feel better about herself. This could mean shifting the way she views her current lifestyle or adding a new, more fulfilling element to her life. Your confidence level The building blocks of confidence Self-esteem Perceived competence The five perceived competence scales How you present yourself Finding the more confident you Research behind the test For More Reading Since you were very young, you've been unknowingly creating a complex image of yourself that strongly impacts how you view yourself and your capabilities. In fact, you create the story of your life every day. You base this story on: The way you were brought up to feel about yourself The feedback you receive from people around you Comparisons you choose to make between yourself and others Your experiences with success and failure As a result, if someone interviewed you today, you would probably have reasonably firm opinions about your personal traits (e.g., "I have a great sense of humor"), your strengths and weaknesses (e.g., "I'm an excellent cook"), and the events that have shaped your life (e.g., "My older sisters were always mean to me for no reason"). However, the answers you would give are not facts. They are simply your interpretations. All the same, these beliefs can have a powerful impact on your present and future. Why perceived competence matters One reason your feelings about yourself are important is that people tend to seek out experiences that reinforce their beliefs about themselves. For example, imagine you are a high school student who believes yourself to be stupid. One day, you receive scores on two exams. One you passed, and the other you failed. Which test do you think you would give more weight to in the long run? Believe it or not, it's the test you failed. This is true because the test you failed reinforces what you already believe about yourself: that you are stupid. You would also likely find a way to write off the test you passed as a fluke, rather than giving yourself credit for a job well done. This behavior, too, would perpetuate your negative belief about yourself. Another way your beliefs can impact your day-to-day life is by affecting the way you present yourself to others. Experts have found that people often act and speak the way they feel about themselves. For example, if a woman didn't think she was very attractive, she might talk her looks down to her friends or make self-deprecating jokes about how ugly she is. She might also act like a wallflower at parties, thinking that no one would want to talk to her because she's not good-looking. These kinds of actions illustrate how negative beliefs can adversely affect how people choose to speak and behave. Realize that people will tend to treat you the way you believe you deserve to be treated. You might be thinking to yourself, "Well, that's ridiculous, why would I ever think that I deserve to be treated badly or be disrespected?" However, if you act like you're not a valuable person and put yourself down to others by saying negative things about yourself, don't be surprised if people treat you poorly. Your words and behaviors can become self-fulfilling prophecies. As general advice for improving your self-image and perceived competence, remember these three things: Accentuate the positive. Put your energy into emphasizing your better qualities rather than trying to be an unrealistically "perfect" person. Cut yourself some slack. Just because one incident goes badly, don't assume its result is determinant of how other situations in your life will turn out. Accept yourself as a whole person. Try not to be so judgmental of your less favorable qualities. Learn to love the entire package that is you. How did you score? On a personalized level, Tickle measured your perceived competence in five major areas to help you begin uncovering your beliefs about yourself and your capabilities. These areas were selected based on the attributes most often valued in Western society. They are intellectual competence, social competence, artistic or musical ability, athletic ability, and physical attractiveness. Feelings about your competence in each of these five areas is affected by your perception of how competent you are in a particular area, coupled with how important you think it is to be competent in that area. Below you'll find a detailed chart of what your personal results indicate, followed by advice to advance your level of competence. Intellectual Competence Social Competence Artistic/Musical Ability Athletic Ability Physical Attractiveness Your confidence level The building blocks of confidence Self-esteem Perceived competence The five perceived competence scales How you present yourself Finding the more confident you Research behind the test For More Reading Remember as you go through each one of your scores that this test is not designed to measure your actual level of competence in these five areas. It judges only how you feel about your competence in each one, because that's the factor that most closely affects your confidence level. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Your intellectual competence Intellectual competence deals with how mentally sharp you are, how sound your judgment is, and how rational you are when making decisions. Perceptions of intellectual competence can be expressed in positive terms, such as, "I consider myself a smart person," or negative terms like, "My ideas are stupid and worthless," and any range in between. 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 You perceive your intellectual competence to be high, with a score of 10. This means that you tend to believe you can approach a variety of intellectual problems and succeed. You probably also enjoy being involved in abstract conversations or working through complicated problems using the strength of your mind. When you value what you're good at, your self-confidence soars. You appear to highly value intellectual competence — you think it's important to be smart, and you perceive yourself as an intelligent person. This combination indicates that you're likely very confident intellectually. As a result, you probably don't need the action steps listed below to improve your confidence in this area. Consider applying them as a tool to help you rethink negative perceptions you may have about yourself in other parts of your life. Rethink negative self-perceptions Because your confidence level is dependent on how you think about yourself, it's critical that you rid your personal language of unrealistic, vague, or generalized negative criticisms of yourself. These kinds of statements are hurtful and serve no real purpose in your self-improvement. Statements like "I never look good" or "I always say stupid things" are completely useless. They make you feel horrible about yourself and offer no path to self-betterment. In fact, when you hear hopeless words like these, they seem to be an end in themselves. But you can challenge your negative ideas. Instead of feeling low about yourself, talk back to these self-defeating perceptions. Ask yourself why. What is it exactly that causes you to think this way? The more specific you can make your criticisms, the more manageable they become, and the more solutions for turning around the perceptions will occur to you. For example, if you find yourself saying, "I'm always left out," ask yourself why you feel that way. Then try to come up with evidence that disputes your negative perception. Maybe it's truer to say, "I don't do very well in group social situations, but I'm really well liked when I talk to people one-on-one. Also, my friends often call to invite me to social activities." By better defining your statement, you've made it clear that it's only large group functions that you find difficult. You've also refuted the idea that you're "always left out." In fact, you've shown yourself that your friends actually request your presence with their invitations. Now you can simply decide that it's not important to you to be a social butterfly, or you can work to improve your ability to relate to people in larger gatherings. To free yourself from negative self-perceptions, try this: Think about the five major areas discussed in this report: intellectual competence, social competence, artistic or musical ability, athletic ability, and physical attractiveness. On a piece of paper, list your top five negative criticisms of yourself in each area, leaving a few blank lines below each criticism. Review your criticisms for gross generalizations. Omit words such as always, never, and totally. If you can't omit them, change them to words like sometimes and somewhat. Try to make the criticisms more specific. What is it about your behavior that makes you believe your negative criticism is true? Argue on the side of your negative criticism and try to prove its case. Take a deep breath and approach your negative criticism again. This time, try to prove it wrong. How are you better than your criticism? In what ways can you disprove it? Being as unemotional as possible, look at everything you've written about your negative self-perception. Consider both your arguments for and against continuing to believe in it. Underline the statements that you feel are most true. Finally, be honest with yourself about your weaknesses. Accept that you are flawed, but realize that you're probably not as bad off as you were originally making yourself out to be. If you decide it's important to you to improve a particular weakness, think about how you can take steps to change it. If you find that your shortcoming is not so important to change, that's fine, too. Just make sure you stop punishing yourself with negative thoughts when certain traits come to mind. Ellen was a smart woman whose education consisted solely of a high school diploma. However, Ellen's perceived level of intellectual competence was low. Ellen was married to a graduate student who would sometimes have study groups come to their house. On these occasions, Ellen felt she wasn't as smart as the students who were her guests. She based this feeling solely on the fact that she hadn't been to college herself. As a result, she was very shy around the groups. When she did sit in on discussions, she rarely said anything because she felt her opinions were less valuable than others'. Her husband consistently told her how intelligent he felt she was. Also, on the rare occasions when Ellen would speak up, study group members delighted in her contributions. However, because of Ellen's low confidence in her intelligence, she ignored this positive feedback and missed out on many opportunities to feel better about herself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Your social competence Social competence centers on how well you interact with people, particularly in group settings, or how talented you are at cultivating and maintaining friendly relationships. For example, people's perceptions of their social competence can range from being very positive, "I am really good with people," or very negative, such as, "People always think I'm a loser." 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 You perceive your social competence to be high, with a score of 9. You're probably right at home in a wide variety of social situations. You may also love being around people or enjoy using your social talents to organize, to entertain, or to help others. You seem to highly value social competence and think it's important to be socially graceful. You also perceive yourself as a socially adept person. As a result, you're likely very confident in this area because you believe that what you are good at matters. In this way you're maximizing your level of self-confidence. Even though you may not want to improve yourself in this area, you can apply the action steps below to learn from your mistakes in areas where you feel less competent. Learn from your mistakes Mistakes can happen in an instant. Yet when these blunders happen, whether social mistakes or otherwise, people tend to browbeat themselves about their errors — sometimes for years to come. Holding on to this kind of memory may indicate that there is a lesson to be learned from it or a message to be received from your past mistake. To seek the wisdom that can be gained from a past mistake, try the following exercise: Choose a past mistake that you still think about — perhaps followed by a disgusted or regretful shake of your head. If you have not already done so, recognize that you can become aware of the consequences of your actions and make a promise to yourself not to repeat your mistake. Understand that you are not defined by any single event in your life. If you were insensitive or buffoonish on one occasion that stands out in your mind, consider other times when you have acted with sensitivity and grace. Let the negative incident be the exception to how you think about yourself, not the rule. Write a letter of forgiveness to yourself and anyone else who may have been affected by your actions. Remember to describe the incident, exactly as it happened. Explain why you acted in the way that you did at the time. Be gentle with yourself, remembering that you didn't know how the event was going to turn out. Now, try to forgive yourself unconditionally for your actions. That means that you can simply say, "I forgive myself," without following your statement with "I promise to..." You have already made promises. Now just try to tap into the healing power of unconditional forgiveness. Jeremy rarely ran in very fancy social circles, but when his college friend Brian invited him to be a guest at his black-tie wedding, Jeremy was happy to attend. When the day came, Jeremy felt kind of strange to be dressed in a tuxedo because he was more of a jeans-and-T-shirt kind of guy. But he was having fun and was happy for the change of pace. After the ceremony, Jeremy mingled with former college friends and strangers at the reception. Then the sit-down dinner was served. During the very first course, Jeremy managed to spill tomato soup all down the front of his tuxedo shirt. There was no way to get it out, and he was stuck dressed that way for the rest of the night. Jeremy knew from past incidents that he was kind of a klutz and had learned to make the best of it. Rather than get mad or be overly embarrassed by this social faux pas, Jeremy made it into a running joke. In fact, his mistake became a great icebreaker to begin conversations with people he didn't know. By accepting this error and being able to laugh it off, Jeremy was able to come away from the incident still feeling good about himself and the night. If he had become overly embarrassed and left the reception, he would have not only made himself feel worse than he needed to but also missed out on a great opportunity to connect with old friends and make new ones. Your confidence level The building blocks of confidence Self-esteem Perceived competence The five perceived competence scales How you present yourself Finding the more confident you Research behind the test For More Reading -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Your artistic or musical ability Artistic or musical ability involves how sensitive to art or beauty you are, how much you appreciate artistic or musical things, and how creative or skilled you are in these kinds of endeavors. The spectrum of perceptions of artistic or musical ability can include everything from "I am very creative" to "My singing voice is dreadful" and everything in between. 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 You perceive your artistic or musical abilities to be high, with a score of 9. You likely fancy yourself a creative type and may enjoy using your artistic or musical talents to create beautiful things for self-expression. However, you don't tend to that think creativity is particularly important. Nor do you appear to really value artistic or musical abilities. At the same time, you perceive yourself as an artistic person. This unbalanced coupling suggests that you're probably less confident in this area than you could be. Self-confidence is decreased when you don't value the things you excel at. Although you probably feel content with your level of artistic or musical ability, try to acknowledge your artistic gift with a little self-praise from time to time. You may also want to consider the advice in the action steps that follow. They can help you to silence your inner critic at times when you're not appreciating your talents. Silence your inner critic We all have an inner critic. Also, the lower your confidence is in an area of your life, the more powerful your inner critic is likely to be. This is because your inner critic thrives on making you feel bad about yourself. When you reinforce the messages your inner critic sends you by not challenging your negative thoughts and criticisms, your critic becomes stronger. Now, the critic isn't all bad, and its intentions are not entirely without merit. Usually your inner critic is trying to alert you that there is something in your life that needs attention. It's kind of like a nag. When you come to understand why your inner critic is speaking up and begin to talk back — even negotiate — with your inner critic, you will regain power and begin to stop this very common confidence drainer. To uncover and silence your inner critic, try the following steps: Over the next five days, write down what your inner critic says to you when it pipes up. Don't worry if you don't record everything it says, but do make an effort to get most of it on paper so you can look at it later. You will recognize your inner critic's voice because it will tend to speak in generalized, simplistic, unforgiving terms. Statements like "If you don't work harder you are going to fail" or "Don't bother joining the baseball league; you're a horrible athlete," are good examples of an inner critic at work. After you've written down what your inner critic says for five days, look over all of the statements you've collected. It's hard to do, but try to look at them objectively and avoid letting them make you feel bad. Look for patterns. Can you match certain statements together to form a theme? For example, the statements "Don't even talk to that girl; she's way too cool for you" and "You always look like a fool when you try to dance" form a theme around feeling socially awkward. On a separate sheet of paper, write down each of the themes that your inner critic harps on. Include the top three criticisms that match each theme. Now look at each of the themes. Why is your inner critic trying to bring your attention to these areas? What is your critic's agenda? What is helpful in the message that your critic is sending you? If your inner critic were to tell you that you are socially awkward, it would be trying to protect you from embarrassment in social situations. It's likely that the critic was formed at some time in the past when you felt embarrassed in a social situation. Now it wants to protect you from repeating the experience. While the base intention is nice, the sinking feeling of inadequacy that the critic brings along is decidedly not nice. By recognizing why your inner critic exists, you're one step closer to gaining the benefit of your inner voice without having to accept the harsh tones of your inner critic. Talk back. Your inner critic is probably making unfounded generalizations about you. You might want to review the section above called "Rethink negative self-perceptions" for ways to challenge these claims. This time, start by saying, "Stop it!" or "Enough!" in your head when you hear your inner critic begin to harp on one of its familiar themes. Then calmly say something like, "I know why you are speaking up. I'm aware that there is something that needs my attention or a risk I may want to avoid." Then decide for yourself whether the risk is worth taking or if you want to spend your energy in the direction indicated by your inner critic. Take back the power to direct your life rationally, rather than always reacting to this inner voice. Finally, replace the inner critic's voice with positive action or thought. If you have found that your inner critic is overstating your weaknesses, remind yourself that you are stronger than it says you are. If your inner critic is nagging you to take action, silence it by doing something positive to benefit yourself — and make sure you acknowledge yourself for making positive change. Margaret had appreciated the arts her whole life, but it wasn't until she retired that she tried her hand at painting. Although she had never considered herself a very creative person, when her church started a painting group, Margaret decided to join. At first she was hesitant to get started, but the head of the group insisted that all participants just allow themselves to get something on paper without regard for the end product. Because of this instruction, Margaret was able to suppress her negative feelings about her artistic ability. She simply began to paint expressively and abstractly without worrying about being perfect. Soon she started to love her painting time — and her paintings! She knew that her work wasn't bound for a gallery anytime soon, but she appreciated how it captured her creativity and innermost thoughts. Because Margaret was able to silence her inner critic, she was able to find a new way to enjoy her life and express herself. She also came to feel better about her artistic ability. If Margaret had left the painting class after the first day when she was feeling tense and critical of her painting, she would never have reached this new level of personal power through creative expression. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Your athletic ability Athletic ability consists of how physically active or strong you are, as well as how skilled you are as an athlete. Perceptions of athletic ability can be expressed in positive terms, such as, "I rise to physical challenges with ease," or in negative terms like, "I'm always the worst player on the team." 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 You scored a 5 in this area, indicating that you perceive your athletic abilities to be about average. This means that while you generally think of yourself as an active individual, you may still feel overly challenged by some physical activities. You may also feel like your talent as an athlete is noticeably less developed than in many other people you know and wish that you could perform athletic feats with more ease. However, you don't really seem to value athletic talent or think that being physically active is important. If you couple these values with your vision of yourself as being mediocre athletically, it stands to follow that while your confidence level likely isn't too low in this area, it's not very high either. If you want to improve, try using the action steps below set small goals for yourself. They can help you rise to new heights with your athletic abilities or in other parts of your life. Over time, if your perception of yourself as an athlete increases, you might find that physical activity and athletics become of greater interest to you. Set small goals for yourself Not all goals have to be big and impressive. In fact, it's best if they're not. If all you have are complicated long-range plans that take weeks or even years to achieve, you may start to feel badly about yourself. This type of focus, while ambitious, can rob you of a daily sense of accomplishment. In addition, if you find yourself slipping into a period of low confidence, one of the best ways you can snap out of it is to do something — anything — that will make you feel rewarded that day. Once you do something that makes you feel proud, you'll gain the kind of energy that can help you continue to make life improvements. To begin setting achievable goals, try this: Start by making a list of the things you've done in the past year that make you feel good or proud of yourself. This could be anything from, "I have been a good friend" to "I started going on walks around my neighborhood in the morning sometimes." At times, just thinking about your positive accomplishments can make you feel good. Next, make a list of small, short-term projects that would make you feel good to complete. No task on your list should take longer than one to two hours. Try starting with things like "Clean out the refrigerator" or "Go to the gym" or "Make a collage." Do something! Choose one of the projects on your list and do it right away. If you're starting the project in a bad mood, don't persuade yourself that it would be better to sulk a little while longer before doing anything. Allow yourself to sulk while you are working on your project. Chances are, once your attention is on the project and you are nearing completion, you will start to feel better and not even want to continue feeling badly about yourself. Keep your list of small projects handy and start tasks when you're able to, especially any time you have the urge to get down on yourself or your accomplishments. Continue adding small projects as you think of them. That way you will always have something small you can do to give yourself a sense of accomplishment and lift your spirits. Remember that there's no rule that says you have to stop with one small project a day. If you have the energy and the time, do several tasks. The more you do, the more productive you'll feel and the better you'll begin to regard yourself and your abilities. One summer, Mary decided to become a great tennis player even though she'd always thought of herself as less athletic than most people. At her local clubhouse, she found a very talented woman to play with who could give her some pointers. During their first game, Mary was happy to get tips on improving her game. But after losing several sets, she began to feel overwhelmed and defeated. Mary became irritated by the more experienced player's advice, even though she'd asked for it. Mary even started silently criticizing the woman's appearance. By the end of the day, Mary had convinced herself that she'd never be any good as a tennis player and was about to hang up her racquet. However, when she got back to the locker room, a friendly woman approached her and complimented Mary on giving it her best shot. After talking with her for a while, Mary recognized that it takes a long time to learn a new skill and that she was being too hard on herself. She felt a little embarrassed about her poor treatment of the experienced player who was just trying to help but decided not to beat herself up about it. She went back to the clubhouse the following week with a new approach, more realistic expectations, and a strong belief that she could improve her game with effort. Mary's perception of herself as an athlete had shifted, and this is what will make it possible for her to improve. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Your physical attractiveness Physical attractiveness deals with how beautiful or handsome you are, along with how likely you are to turn heads with your pure animal magnetism. People's perceptions of their physical attractiveness can be expressed in a wide variety of ways, from the most positive terms ("I am gorgeous") to the most self-defeating ("I look awful"). 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 You perceive your physical attractiveness to be about average, with a score of 5. This means that you tend to think of yourself as a moderately attractive, but also can feel a little plain or unfashionable at times. Chances are you also feel that no matter what adjustments you make to your looks, you'll never be the most attractive person you know. You don't seem to really value physical attractiveness, and you may believe that people place too much emphasis on their looks. Because you don't think being good-looking is that important and perceive yourself to be of average attractiveness, your confidence level in this area probably isn't suffering too much. Still, it could be higher. If you'd like to feel better about your appearance or about other areas, check out the following action steps. They can help you learn to use visualization to better leverage your strengths. You might be surprised to find that as your self-perception of your physical attractiveness increases, being good-looking becomes a trait that gains more value to you. Use positive visualization Visualization involves focusing your mind on positive imagery to help you bring the things you really want into your life. Although it's really nothing more than a disciplined form of daydreaming, visualization is one of the most powerful tools you have at your disposal. It can help motivate you and can create positive change in your life. One way to use visualization is to focus your thoughts on positive events or feelings from your past. For example, imagine an acquaintance you'd always had always had a crush on who went out of their way one day to compliment you on your smile. You could replay that moment in your head again and again at times when you needed to feel confident, or needed a boost to your self-image. By giving yourself a chance to bask in the glow of a past happiness or success, you create a wonderful form of positive reinforcement. By regularly practicing visualization, you become much more likely to repeat the behaviors that led you to your happiness or achievements in the first place. In order to fully harness the potential of visualization, you also need to know how to turn negative visualizations into positive ones. If you walk into a room of strangers and feel that you are dressed inappropriately, or simply aren't as good-looking as them, it will show. Remember that your harsh perception of yourself relative to others will be projected in everything you do. Instead, avoid thinking of yourself in a negative manner. Think back to a time when someone complimented your looks, then grab hold to that moment as you walk through the room. Now, your positive attitude will rub off on others, and they will respond by treating you based on that confidence you've drawn on from past experiences. Another valuable way to use visualization is to imagine the things you'd like to have or experience in the future. For example, if you're someone who isn't happy with your appearance, you could imagine yourself walking into a party full of attractive people and turning every head in the room with your good looks. You could also envision the most beautiful person at the party approaching you to have a conversation or ask you to dance. Visualizations like this one won't suddenly turn you into a supermodel, but over time they can change the way you carry yourself so you become more attractive to others. By dreaming of new possibilities, you allow yourself to remove mental barriers that may keep you from the things you want. Have you ever heard the expression “If you can imagine it, you can achieve it”? That's what this kind of visualization is all about. Visualization gives you license to wish for the things you really want, and to create the positive mental patterns that can help you get them. Paul was a reasonably good-looking person by most common beauty standards, but he didn't feel attractive. He had lost confidence in his appearance ever since he'd put on a few extra pounds. Because he had become overly critical of himself, he felt that no one on earth would find him attractive. As a result, he didn't smile very much. He'd even stopped spending much time grooming himself, feeling that it was wasted effort. One day, much to his surprise, Paul found himself being pursued by a woman named Sandy who wanted to date him. He agreed to go to dinner with her but was very nervous that she wouldn't really be attracted to him. He didn't want to end up being rejected because of his looks, and during their first date, he told Sandy as much. Because she had felt unattractive herself in the past, Sandy was very sensitive to his feelings. Now, after dating for a little over a year, Paul has started to feel much more attractive. Sandy encourages him with compliments and has helped him to feel more attractive — even sexy. As a result, he spends more time on his personal appearance and behaves more confidently. Yet, the only thing that has really changed is Paul's self-perception as a good-looking man. Your confidence level The building blocks of confidence Self-esteem Perceived competence The five perceived competence scales How you present yourself Finding the more confident you Research behind the test For More Reading As we've discussed throughout this report, your confidence doesn't depend on how good or bad you are at something. It's almost wholly dependent on your self-perception. However with that said, realize that not all people always act according to their self-perceptions. In fact, the people in your life whom you view as being the most confident probably pretend to be more self-assured than they actually are, at least on occasion. Very few people are highly confident in all areas of their life. As a result, some individuals choose to put up a front when they feel unconfident, rather than let other people in on their weaknesses. This is especially true in the business world. Have you ever watched someone get up in front of a group of people and give a fantastically polished presentation, only to confide in you later that they're terrified of public speaking? This false projection of confidence may seem untruthful, but it can actually provide just the momentum you need to get yourself through times when you feel unsure, overwhelmed, or afraid. Based on your test results, when it comes to letting people believe that you are more confident than you are, you tend to act differently depending on the situation. Sometimes you're honest about your abilities — or lack thereof. Other times you hide your weaknesses by letting people get the impression that you're better at something than you actually are. If you maintain a good sense of when it's appropriate to reveal your faults and when it's all right to hide them, you're not likely to sell yourself short or be off-putting to others. However, if you pretend to be better than you really are too often, you may come off as arrogant, or worse, as a liar. Alternately, if you're too open about your faults, people around you may take them to heart and treat you accordingly. Understand that you're probably much more aware of the scope and depth of your faults than anyone else is and know that it's fine — even beneficial — to keep some of those details to yourself. While you may wish to come away from this test with instantly improved confidence, that's not the way this kind of change happens. It will take some time and sincere effort on your part to permanently improve the way you feel and think about yourself. But it doesn't have to be a chore. On the contrary, this improvement can become an exciting part of your life. It can allow you to focus on yourself and can also become a guide that impacts the ways you change and grow. If you develop the kind of good habits described in this report, including: avoiding negative self-talk focusing on your strengths encouraging self-love visualizing ways to improve your future you will naturally begin to lead a more richly rewarding life. Keep in mind that you're a unique individual with your own special blend of excellence and faults. The objective of your quest for improved confidence should not be to become the very best in all areas. No one can be the best at everything. Be honest with yourself about who you are. Gaining self-confidence is really about connecting with your strengths and learning to actively enjoy them. Accept that you might not be good at some things but also acknowledge that you're likely very good at many others. Find out what makes you feel good, and do it over and over again.